Dollars (Dollar #2)(83)

Not Pim.

She tensed. Her jaw worked as she swallowed, wrenching her arms out to press the coverlet down away from her face and neck. She didn’t stop touching the soft cotton, but after a few seconds, she forced herself to relax.

I couldn’t figure out why she had such an issue with clothing. Yet another question I desperately wanted to ask. I had pages and pages inside my mind. Sheets and sheets of queries and demands that would all have to wait until she was ready.

Her two weeks is up.

You could force her to talk.

My face went slack even as my body continued to tense with wave rocking.

Hadn’t I been patient and kind? Hadn’t I gone out of my way to build a thin crust of trust so Pim could walk over water without drowning?

I’d fulfilled my side of the bargain.

It’s time for her to fulfil hers.





BY DAWN, THE storm hiccupped and decided it’d had enough fun for the night.

Each rock slowly grew less violent. Each gale slowly lost interest. Elder woke from where we’d fallen into pockets of fitful sleep and unbuckled from the couch. Standing naked, he gave me a rueful smile as he strolled into the bathroom and stole a towel.

The boat still skipped and dived, but we’d either adapted to the instability, and our internal gyroscopes handled it better, or he’d taken whatever mystical powers his dragon tattoo had and enlisted its help—unseen wings flapping with power, keeping him airborne even as his feet stayed connected to the Phantom.

I hated how his body no longer looked like a weapon or instrument to deliver pain but something I’d like to touch. I didn’t know why I hated the switch of my conclusions. Wasn’t it healthy to finally look upon a man and only see a man—no matter how handsome and unique he was—rather than see a killer?

Elder didn’t know the jumble of my thoughts or how he distracted me while wrapping the towel around his waist. Raking a hand through storm blown hair, he said, “I’m going back to my quarters. I have work to do—if, of course, the satellites are still intact.” His eyes lingered on mine, then on the bed where snatches of desire smouldered.

I tensed.

If he told me he wanted me, I wouldn’t disobey. He’d earned sex after all he’d done. I might even marginally accept it. I wouldn’t enjoy it, but I wouldn’t loathe it like I had.

Only, he tore his gaze away, shut down whatever he’d been thinking, and rubbed his five o’clock shadow. “Rest. It was a long night.” Strolling to the door, he added, “I’ll come for you later.”

Without giving me time to wave or respond, he left.

The door closed, and every inch of adrenaline keeping me awake popped into tiredness. The thought of sleeping was the best concept ever, so I obeyed his command, curled up on my side with the seatbelt still trapping me in place, and slept a little more.

*

By midday, the sun took control of the world, burning away the last grey clouds, banishing the rain back to hell.

I woke irrevocably changed from who I’d been before the storm and untethered myself from the couch and my past.

Climbing on stiff joints and bruised bones, I stood on a calm boat and calm soul as if the two were linked with symbolism as well as fact.

The world was tamed.

My memories were tamed.

I’d survived.

Inhaling air still rich and damp from the clouds, I showered, dried, and deliberated whether to stay naked for my enjoyment or dress for his.

I opted to wear the navy and blue shift so I didn’t upset the staff who would no doubt be on repairs now the storm had passed.

By mid-afternoon, I found a perfect spot on the lifeboat canvas and basked in the hot sunshine. It shone stronger and brighter, as if to make up for the messy night before.

I hadn’t seen Elder, and I hadn’t sought him out. I was happy to be on my own, slowly learning who I was after all this time—now the dirt had been washed away.

By dusk, I retreated to my suite, pulled out the notepad, and opened the door to my heart, ready to converse with imaginary confidant.



Dear No One,

Last night, I was in charge.

Last night, I did what I wanted. I embraced my fear and let it do whatever it wanted to me. It terrified me but freed me. Does that make any sense?

When Elder joined me, I feared he’d tear me away. I expected him to drag me back and slam the doors. But he joined me, No One. It was as if he needed to face his demons in those clouds the same as I did. As if standing together with nothing helped scatter our pieces and realign them into a completely different picture.

I heard him, though. I heard his resolution before he left.

He’s run out of patience. Whatever self-control he’s exercised won’t last much longer because he knows what I do.

I owe him now.

Not just for the safety and time to heal, but for being with me last night. For no demands. For whatever emotion that links us.

Am I ready to answer his questions?

No.

Am I ready to talk to anyone but you?

Never.

Will he force me regardless?

I think so.

He wants my voice just like Alrik.

It’s up to me to decide if he deserves it.





I NEVER WENT back to her.

The storm had upset the automatic ballast, and I worked all day with Jolfer to fix it. Once that was done, I had important emails to reply to—after I’d reset the communication panels.