Dollars (Dollar #2)(35)

I agreed with it being a death stick, but Elder was smoking weed, a plant…he smoked it in such a way he looked like he needed it, not just used it for the sake of using.

His head cocked, waiting for me to find the balls or overcome the pain to ask.

I doubted he’d give me an opportunity like this one again. I had the power to skip ahead—to jump the superficial getting-to-know-each-other and steal his biggest confession.

After all, he owed me. He’d read my notes to No One.

He knew how I thought and reacted to pressure.

I had no idea how his mind worked, and now, my curiosity was even worse because weed was a relaxant, a painkiller in the medical world—given to those who needed help to survive.

Was he in emotional or physical pain?

And why did I want to know so badly?

He said no one else knows.

No One.

The fact he’d chosen to tempt me with the title of my salvation wasn’t lost on me. Was it a trick or the first honest to God raw reality he’d shown?

Climbing from the lifeboat, my feet didn’t make a sound as I padded toward him and clutched the railing, my eyes locked on the empty blackness all around us.

He didn’t say a word, merely dragged deeper on his home-rolled cigarette, encouraging the end to flare red, before exhaling and clouding the moon with vapour.

We stood like that for moments, wrapped in quietness and for once not caring.

He never offered me a drag, and I never asked. I doubted Michaels would approve of smoke inhalation when my tongue was healing so well. However, I inhaled whenever Elder exhaled, stealing a little of the sickly sweet—willing it to numb me a little, to steal the questions driving me insane, to grant me a little of the syrupy calm.

Finally, when the joint had become too small to hold, Elder flicked the butt into the ocean. The small red dot twirled and twirled until it hit the water below. The second it extinguished, he turned to me, his eyes shredding mine.

“You wouldn’t break your silence to make me talk, yet you’re still here.” He licked his bottom lip. “Why is that?”

I kept eye contact, not moving.

“Did you miss me?”

I gave him a tight smile.

“I take that as a no.”

I blinked.

You’re wrong.

No, you’re right.

I had missed him in an odd way. My dreams had featured him, and my days had been fraught with thoughts of the way his fingers manipulated paper as I stroked his origami sailboat. I’d suffered unwanted questions of what it would be like to be touched by fingers that could conjure life from dollar bills.

My body repelled against the fleeting curiosity even as my heart put on its armour and prepared to do whatever it took to find out.

I didn’t miss what you represent. But I did miss the fragments of the man behind the monster.

“Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be.” His hands curled over the railing. “Look, I’ve had a rough few days. Normally, I wouldn’t smoke, but it’s the only thing that works around you.”

Around me?

That admission made my belly clench. No man had ever admitted I’d made them weak just by existing.

His face tightened, the anger I’d witnessed at dinner returning. “Don’t think you can use that to your advantage, Pim. It only puts you in a precarious position.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, he muttered, “It’s only fair to warn you I won’t be good company tonight. In fact, you should go.”

Go?

Why?

His jaw hardened, seeing my question in the jolt of my shoulders. “I can’t guarantee I’ll keep my promises if you don’t.”

My heart stopped.

Promises to keep me safe? Promises not to touch me?

The moon cast his face in silver sin. His brow shadowed his eyes until all I saw was black matching the black around us.

“Leave, Pimlico. I wish to be alone.”

My feet glued to the deck. Why did he want me to go? Because he had a tyrant inside him he couldn’t control? Would he snap and hurt me after he assured me he wouldn’t? If the demons I sensed inside him were closer to the surface tonight, I should run. I should hide.

But that would only make the future worse. I might have agreed not to worry about what tomorrow would bring, but if I could find out the worst now—so I could stop fearing—then it would be better for my sanity.

Puffing out my chest, I stood my ground.

He growled under his breath. “You truly are the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met.”

Woman. Not slave. Not orphan or pet.

Woman.

“Have it your way.” Reaching for his shirt buttons, Elder undid them with dexterous fingers. The moment the cream material flapped around his sides—once again revealing that magical dragon protecting his bare ribs and internal organs—he dropped his hands to his belt.

He gave me a wicked look. “Fair warning, silent one. I’ve been away for three days. I only went prepared for one. Know what that means?”

I swallowed as his fingers undid his belt, followed by his zipper.

The flash of skin was a shock after expecting underwear.

“I didn’t take spare boxers with me.” Holding his trousers with one hand, he kicked off his shoes and tugged off his socks. “Run now, unless you secretly want to see me like I’ve seen you? Do you want to see what I hide under clothes, see the true beast I am? Is that why you’re more comfortable naked? Because the truth can always be concealed in trousers and suits, and nakedness it can’t?”