Distraction (Club Destiny #8)(89)

Truth was, he was scared.

No, that wasn’t the right word. He was fucking terrified.

He knew what he felt for Sarah was love. But knowing and accepting, at least for him, were two different things. As much as he wanted to commit to her, he didn’t know how. He’d spent so many years living in the past, holding himself back, not allowing any happiness to seep into his life… It had turned him into a coward.

Turning to go, he didn’t look at her, but he stopped in his tracks the second she spoke.

“Dylan, wait.” Her voice was but a whisper in the silence of her living room. “Don’t go.”

He didn’t want to go, but he needed to. He was prepared to take those few steps to reach the door, but then Sarah’s small hand touched his arm, and Dylan fought the emotion that surged in his chest.

“Look at me,” she said firmly. “That’s what you always tell me, right? When we make love. You want me to look at you.”

He did. He wanted that connection, to know that she saw him and only him. He had needed that connection with her. Reluctantly, Dylan turned to face her.

She was staring up at him, her eyes sad. He hated that he’d been the one to put that look on her face. It tore him up inside to know that he couldn’t give her what she needed.

“Sarah…” He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say to her, but he knew he needed to say something.

Staring back at him was a woman so sweet, and so damn beautiful, sometimes it hurt to look at her. Just like he remembered her from high school. He would never compare her to Meghan because that wasn’t fair to either woman, but he would admit that never in his life had another woman touched him as deeply as Sarah. She saw through him, to the heart of him, and if anyone had the ability to fix him, he wanted it to be her.

Only he wasn’t broken in the way that she thought. In the past few weeks, Sarah had changed him. She’d healed a part of him he’d believed would be a painful ache for the rest of his life. The emptiness inside him was gone when he was with her. He wanted that in his life. He wanted her in his life.

And he didn’t want her to merely be a distraction.

No.

She wasn’t.

Sarah was so much more than that. She was…

Everything.

Sarah moved closer and Dylan fought the urge to move backward, to put more space between them, because she lured him in with the innocence he saw in those navy blue eyes, though he knew the strong, capable woman who lurked beneath them. The beautiful woman who’d lived through as much pain, if not more, than he had, and she’d come out the other side even stronger. She was a survivor.

“I’m sorry for bringing up Meghan. My timing sucked and I—”

“You shouldn’t be apologizing to me. You weren’t wrong, Sarah. I was. And I owe you an apology. Despite what you think, I do trust you. And even though I acted like a complete and total jackass, I’m not willing to give up on us,” he told her, glancing down at his hands, then back up at her. “Not now. Not ever.”

“Me, neither.”

A hot ball of emotion clogged his throat.

One thing he’d learned about Sarah these past few weeks was that she didn’t do something half-ass. If she gave a little, she gave all, and he fucking admired that about her.

“You’re stronger than I am,” he whispered.

“That’s what you think,” she replied quickly. “Do you know why I spent so much time and energy changing my entire life? I mean, seriously, Dylan. I quit a perfectly good job so I could try and find myself. And I did it all so I could make it through another day and another after that. I didn’t like who I’d become. And yes, I spent so much time blaming Paul for killing himself… I hated him with a passion because he left me alone. Does that sound strong to you?”

“Yes. Actually it does. You know how to get through it.”

Her broken laugh startled him. “I wish that were true.”

Shit.

Dylan glanced at the floor, not wanting to say the wrong thing. They did need to talk, and more importantly, he needed to open up, to tell her how he truly felt. For weeks, they’d gotten by, distracting one another, but it wasn’t enough. He needed to know that this was going somewhere. And maybe that made him needy, but he couldn’t change the fact.

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” she asked, mentally pulling him up short.

When he looked at her, a small smile tipped her lips.

Had he heard her right? “Coffee?”

“Yes.”

“We’re not gonna talk?”

“We will,” she clarified. “But right now, we need a distraction.”

“Sarah…”

“No, Dylan. Hear me out.”

Dylan nodded, encouraging her to continue.

“Living in the moment is good and fine,” she began. “For some people. But for you and me, our past isn’t something we can let go of. And maybe that’ll never be the case, but if we take a few minutes to ground ourselves, pull ourselves out of that past that haunts us, we can try to move forward again.”

Dylan understood what she was saying.

“We are who we are and we have to accept that. It might take us a few more tries than other people, but we can get to the same place. But we don’t have to rush it, either.”