Distraction (Club Destiny #8)(16)

Well, she was nearly two weeks into the new year, and it felt as though time was quickly passing her by, and she still had no clue as to how she would fulfill that one simple resolution.

“I’m workin’ on it.” Another lie. The proof that she hadn’t followed through was the fact that, six years after her husband’s death, she was sitting at home on a Friday night. Alone.

“How’d that party go last weekend anyway? Jake hasn’t said much about it.”

“It was good,” she lied. Okay, so this conversation was going nowhere. One more lie and lightning might strike her where she stood.

“Good? That sounds boring.” Jillian chuckled. “What are you hiding? Did you see Dylan?”

Oh, crap. Her mother would have to go and bring him up. The one man Sarah had been trying not to think about for the past three years. One of her biggest downfalls was that she’d spent too much time living in the past, and Dylan Thomas was definitely her past.

Unfortunately, it took little effort for her to vividly remember that heartbreaking night when Dylan had needed a shoulder to lean on, a night she desperately wished she could forget but secretly prayed she never did.

“Yeah,” she confirmed. “He was there.”

“How is he?” Jillian inquired.

At one point, she would’ve said sad and broken, but the Dylan she had seen didn’t look to be either. He actually looked … good. “Fine,” she said.

There was a brief pause, as though her mother was weighing her options on which direction to take the conversation. Thankfully, Jillian opted to change the subject.

“So, do you have any interviews lined up?”

“Not yet.” Although she’d been putting in applications at various places ever since she quit her teaching job and opted to change her life, Sarah hadn’t landed a permanent gig. Truth was, she didn’t even know what she wanted to do, so she’d been getting by with various temp jobs—waitress, receptionist, a week as a bookkeeper, a hotel clerk for two days and plenty of computer jobs in the interim. Nothing had held her interest, so she kept looking, kept waiting for the perfect opportunity to arise.

Her mother laughed. “You’re the only person I know who can sound happy when they say that.”

Sarah smiled. There were days when she worried that she wouldn’t be able to pay her bills if she didn’t figure it all out, but for the most part, she was enjoying herself. She traveled on a whim, if she had the urge, although never too far and never to anywhere exotic. Plus, she focused on learning new things and figuring out what she wanted to do with the rest of her life.

The downside to all of that was her lack of a routine to keep her busy.

With nothing to occupy her time, Sarah was left with too much time to think. She had yet to completely move on with her life, despite her efforts. Her social life had flourished there for a while, but as her therapist repeatedly informed her, she continued to allow the past to hold her back.

Her past being the people in her life who’d ridden roughshod over her heart.

Her father.

Her sister.

Paul.

Then Dylan.

“I know, Mom. I’m my own worst enemy.”

“You should go out more. You spend too much time at home.”

“I know.” Her mother wasn’t telling her anything new. She’d been harping on the same subject over and over for years now, to no avail.

Jillian sighed. “Well, I’ll let you get back to it.”

“To what?” Sarah asked, grinning. “I wasn’t doing anything.”

“No, but I figure you’re looking for something to clean as we speak.”

Her mother knew her too well. “Okay, fine. I am looking for something to clean. You’re welcome to come over and help if you’d like.”

“There’d be nothing for me to do,” Jillian said with a giggle. “I’ve seen your house. Spotless. But you’re welcome to come over and have a go at mine.”

She couldn’t deny that. Her house was spotless, but Sarah knew there was always something to do. “I might take you up on that if I run outta stuff here.”

“Like that’ll ever happen.” Jillian chuckled again. “Well, kiddo, don’t work too hard. I’ll talk to you later. And, Sarah…?”

“Yeah?”

“Quit thinking so much. I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

“I know, Mom. And I am. I promise,” she said reassuringly.

“Okay. If you need anything, just call.”

“I will. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

After the call disconnected, Sarah set her cell phone down on the table and stared around the room. She did need something to do. Which, as her mother had guessed, usually meant something to clean. Didn’t matter that it was after ten and she would do herself a favor if she simply went to bed. That never happened anymore. Sleep was overrated as far as she was concerned. With sleep came dreams, and those dreams always brought an uneasy feeling in the morning.

At least if she found something to occupy herself with, she might be able to rid herself of thoughts of Dylan. Namely thoughts of the way he had looked at her that night when he’d come by her house and ruthlessly (and beautifully) fucked her up against her living room wall. That night—probably the most memorable of her entire life—had happened all too quickly, hitting her like a boxer taking down his opponent. And she was the one who’d been KO’d.