Destroyer (The Elemental Series #7)(34)

He laughed. “Yeah, several times. And you did it without even thinking. So, you see why I might be a little concerned about teaching you? What if it makes you think that what is possible is much smaller than it actually is for you?”

Raven had a good point. There had never been any formal training for me and my elemental abilities, I’d always just… done it on my own. “I still want to try and clear out my memories. And I want to learn how to block someone like Viv from using Spirit on me.”

His lips twisted. “I don’t know how to do that.” I noticed he didn’t say it wasn’t possible.

“But clearing out your memories, I do think that’s a good idea,” Raven went on. “But we can do it when we stop.”

“We are stopped,” Peta said. “If you hadn’t noticed.”

Her tone was clear as a silver bell. She didn’t like Raven, and that hadn’t changed even though he’d helped us get out of Talan’s way.

I turned. “Shazer, how long do you want to rest before we go on?”

“Give me an hour,” he said around a mouthful of oat stalks. “And then we can fly for ten or twelve.”

“Good enough.”

I thought about how I wanted to do this. The earth was my safety, my sanctuary. I went to my knees and let my body sink a little into the earth. The first thing I did, though, before diving into my memories was beckon the power of the earth up through my body. I let the sensation roll through me and ease my worry that Talan had somehow blocked me the way Cassava had in a more permanent sense. The ground shuddered and my knees sank another inch into the soft soil. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Raven went to one knee in front of me, his blue eyes intense. “Look for something that doesn’t resonate. That is the only thing I can say. For me, it’s like finding sharp rocks where there should only be sand. There will be a dissonance within your mind, and from what I know, that will be different for you than it is for me. Everyone has their own definition of discord.”

I nodded, then glanced at Peta. I didn’t have to ask her to watch out for me. She knew the trust between Raven and me was fragile at best. She trotted forward and sat in front of me. I closed my eyes and went back to the memory I knew was twisted, the only memory I knew for sure was cobbled together in bits and pieces.

The day my mother and little brother died.

My throat tightened with the idea of reliving those moments again, yet I knew it was necessary. Slowly, I sank my mind through my memories and past until I stood on the edge of the forest again, watching my younger self play hide-and-seek with my friend, Cactus.

There was a strange feeling to the memory. I focused on that first, recognizing it as not fitting with me.

A dissonance that bled through felt like ants on my skin, making me itch.

The colors around the memory were soft, and hazy like the lazy summer day it was. I let myself reach out and touch one of the leaves and the skin of it was smooth like satin. As if I truly stood there in the past and not watching the memory from afar. If not for the way my skin twitched, I would have not known this wasn’t real.

In front of me, young Cactus and I bantered back and forth and I heard us talking about what to do next. My gut clenched with what was coming, but I followed my younger self and friend through the forest toward the edge of the Rim. My footsteps left no print, and there was no sound as I walked, yet the closer I got to the clearing, the more the memory felt like reality.

Voices in the distance, my mother telling me to run even though she couldn’t possibly know I was there. I frowned as the memory went from soft and hazy to having sharp red lines striking through it. “Wait,” I whispered, and the memory froze. I made my feet walk forward to the place where Cassava and my mother faced off. The red lines of the memory cascaded around them, weaving them into a net that held them both tightly. My hands shook as I lifted them to the netting and I pulled it away piece by piece, my skin on fire.

Each breath I took shuddered as it slipped from me, and slowly the itching receded.

Cassava’s face was coated in tears, as was my mother’s. No anger, no rage, no hatred lingered in either of them.

Love and grief filled their eyes. They looked at each other as if they were sisters, friends. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t be seeing this. I knew all I had to say was one word to make things move forward, but I wasn’t sure I could do it. Wasn’t sure I was ready to see the truth. I steeled myself for whatever would come.

“Go,” I whispered and the scene picked up. My younger self lay on the ground at their feet, my blond hair sprawled out in a fan, my eyes closed. Cactus was beside me, and our chests rose and fell in a steady rhythm that was a deep sleep.

“Cassava, my friend,” my mother said softly, “you must do this. Vivica already suspects Lark is the one who will stop her, the one who will free the siblings. The only way to keep her safe is for you to become her enemy, to make her look weak in Vivica’s eyes. To hide her power.”

“Goddess, Ulani.” Cassava sobbed her name. “You are the only friend I have ever had and you would still ask this of me? We can hide you and the children. You can stay with Talan.”

“No.” Mother shook her head. “No, it cannot be that way. My death will protect my children far longer than if I stay here with them. Maybe long enough to keep Vivica at bay. As long as she believes you are under her thumb, as long as she believes you do as she wishes, she will hold back her anger and vengeance.”