Destroyer (The Elemental Series #7)(14)

“Peta.” I whispered her name into the pillow as I fought tears of anger and shame. “How could I have been such a fool as to trust him?”

Her big body stretched out at my back so she was between me and the doorway, her warmth sinking into me. “You are not the only one. I thought… I thought I knew him. He has changed so much. I always knew Spirit could twist one’s soul but I never would have thought it would do this to him.”

I reached behind me with one arm and draped it over her middle. “If it ever comes to it—”

“I will never let you become like him,” she said softly. “Now rest. I will watch over you.”

I couldn’t sleep, though. The pain in my back cascaded through every part of me. Holding still, breathing, adjusting my position, all of it sent sharp shards of broken steel through me that I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t ease the suffering no matter what I did.

An hour slipped by, and then another while I stared at the wall across from me.

I closed my eyes, fought the tears, and tried to think of something good. Some reason to get up and fight through this. The world was breaking around me. What the hell was I going to do to stop it?

“Peta, tell me something good.”

“I love you, Lark.” She spoke that without hesitation. “You are my soul sister and that is strong enough to see us both through this. Whatever this part of our lives is, we will face it together. If you must train with him, then we will do it. You will learn whatever he can teach you. Apply yourself like you did when you became an Ender and use his tools to your own advantage. You will not let him beat you.”

“And if I am too weak?” That old fear, who would have thought it still resided in me? Yet it reared its head out of nowhere, the pain making me open to the old hurts like nothing else. My barriers had broken down with the pain radiating through me. “What if I become that useless elemental again who cannot protect her family?” The words flowed along with the tears. “I could not bear that.”

“You will never be too weak, Lark. You never have been weak.” She curled her head over and rested it on the side of my face. “You are smart and resourceful, so when you think you are too weak, remember that you have skills many do not. That despite the odds, you have always risen to the task. You will always rise, Lark. One day you will fly.”

I breathed out a sigh that turned into a groan. Her words soothed my soul, but not my body. “Peta, I cannot make this pain go away.”

“You are not healing at all?”

“No.”

She was quiet a moment, and I could feel through the bond her concern. “Perhaps there is more to this than just how much pain you can handle. Or trying to keep you quiet. If he is truly training you.”

Her words resonated with me and a slow suspicion began to grow.

This was a test of mind over matter. A way to show that I could handle whatever hardships came my way. That if I were caught by Viv, I would be able to work through the pain she gave me.

“It will go when it will go, Lark. I am here with you, breathe through it.”

The sharp and aching pulse grew with each breath no matter that Peta was trying to help. There was no easing, only a growing crescendo.

“What if… he wants me to… beg?” The words were hard to get out, as much because of the pain as of what I was saying.

“No begging. You can do this.” She began to purr softly, and the rumble of her energy flowed into me, easing the hurt a little.

Talan wanted me to beg him to stop, to submit myself to him, to tell him I couldn’t do it without his help. I knew it in my gut. I’d had worse injuries than this that didn’t hurt near as bad, injuries that I’d fought through despite the pain. Whatever comfort Peta’s presence had given me was slipping away second by second until my mind was numb. I would have kissed Talan’s feet if he’d appeared right then.

That image was enough to make me grit my teeth against the continued agony. “And if… it is… a test?” I could barely speak now.

“Of your fortitude or your willingness to ask for help?” Peta asked.

“Worm shit,” I groaned the words. “I… don’t know.”

A soft knock on the door, and Peta let out a low rumbling growl as she twisted to face it. Her whole body vibrated, shaking the bed. “Raven. Get away from her,” she snarled.

“I came to offer help with the pain,” he said. “I do care for her, Peta, much as I know neither of you will believe that.”

Peta didn’t move, but I could feel her tense beside me. I tightened my hold on her. “Let him come.” Through the bond, I tried to calm her. The hurt was so bad that I would almost welcome death if that was what he would offer me.

Peta gasped and I squeezed her as hard as I could. I didn’t truly mean the words.

Raven came around the side of the bed so he faced me. Those blue eyes I knew so well. Yes, I could see glimmers of Pamela in him, especially now that I was comparing the two.

He and I had been children together, played in the forest together; he’d defended me when I’d been in the Spiral and had to face his mother, Cassava. All the more reason his betrayal had cut me so deeply. I’d loved him; he’d been my favorite of all my siblings and it had meant nothing to him.

“Why?” That was the only word I could come up with, and yet it encompassed everything between us.