Destroyed(84)

Clara skidded to a halt in front of me, barely stopping before crashing into my legs. “I love them. Love. Love. Love.”

My face and ears still burned from when she hugged my head. When her arms captured my face outside, my gut heaved and brain exploded. I very nearly vomited on the driveway fighting the conditioning. Images bombarded me of death and dismemberment. I’d been petrified to open my eyes just in case I found her torn to f*cking pieces on the ground.

But I’d managed to push her away.

I’d held steadfast.

I’d survived, and she’d lived.

I gritted my teeth knowing I’d have to guard myself every time she came near. I’d never been around someone who touched so effortlessly.

“Thank Mr. Obsidian for the offer, Clara, but you know we don’t have room.” Zel placed a hand on Clara’s head, running her fingers through her tangled brown hair.

Clara pouted, looking at me then Zel. “But…I love them. I want them all in my room.” Her beautiful brown eyes skipped between us, bright with frustration. “They’re all alive inside. They need a home. They need someone to love them and stroke them and feed them—” A loud whooping cough interrupted her, causing her to slap a hand over her mouth and whirl to face Zel.

Zel’s body went rigid. She ducked to grab Clara’s shoulders. The terror swimming in Zel’s eyes broke my f*cking heart. It was just a cough…wasn’t it?

“Breathe. That’s it. Do you need—”

The coughing stopped as suddenly as it began, and Clara shook her head. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she stomped her little foot. “I hate coughing. It hurts.”

Zel gathered her close, hugging her. “I know. We’ll find a way to make it stop. Soon.”

I loved watching the two of them together—such a natural love. A family bond I’d lost forever. A small bolt of jealousy filled me. My body ached to take Clara’s place—to enjoy the comfort and safety of someone’s embrace.

“Do you suffer from hay fever, Clara?” I asked, drawing Zel’s attention to me. Her eyes were shut down and unreadable, protecting her damn secrets.

The brightness in Clara had faded a little, but slowly the flame came back. She shook her head. “I don’t know what that is? Is it a sickness that horses catch from hay?”

Zel let out a huge sigh, then chuckled. “No, but it makes more sense. Hay fever is when you’re allergic to pollens and other irritants in the air.”

I expected Clara to ask a hundred questions, but her eyes turned solemn and she nodded. “Okay.”

Turning to me, she announced, “I’m allergic to air.”

Zel made a small choking sound, and I couldn’t explain why my stomach decided to wrestle with my heart in such a painful tango. “You’re allergic to air?”

She moved forward to a statue of a badger, her breathing slightly wheezy. “I must be because I cough a lot and I only breathe in air and not pol—pollams.”

Zel’s arms wrapped tight around herself, her eyes locking on her daughter.

Something wasn’t right.

My hunter instincts tried to uncover her secrets, but she suddenly unlatched her arms and clapped her hands. “Would you give Clara one of your statues?” She raised her voice to where Clara had drifted to. “How about you pick one? We have room for an extra houseguest.”

Clara perked up and beamed. “Okay.” Spinning on the spot, her smile fell. “But there’s so many. How do I choose?”

I couldn’t stand the pinpricks of pain for making her choose. I wouldn’t do it—not when I wanted her to keep every damn thing in my house. They meant nothing to me. If I could share them and earn a smile or two in return—that made me richer than my entire family’s fortune.

Taking a step closer to Zel, I murmured, “They’re all hers. Every single one.”

Zel stiffened and I wanted nothing more than to touch her—to offer some level of comfort. Something weighed her down and I wanted to give support—even if she didn’t confide in me.

Touching her cheek, I waited for the onslaught of conditioning. I was prepared for the pain and orders, but instead of being excruciating, it only pulsed and throbbed.

It’s bearable.

My eyes widened. Was that the key? To push myself to the end of my endurance—constantly pressing through the pain until my brain either adapted or snapped?

“Why are you doing this?” Zel whispered, so Clara wouldn’t hear. “Why do you care? You hurt me again, Fox. You have to understand how difficult this is for me. I never wanted you to meet her.”

The flash of rage and agony caught me by surprise. “You think I don’t care? That I’m just a monster who’s only goal is to hurt you?” I hated that her assessment of me was so low. What the f*ck?

“No. I know you’re not. I know you’re trying your hardest, but it isn’t good enough. You can’t expect me to put my child in danger just because you suddenly want a kid in your life.”

Pressing forward, I hissed, “I don’t want a kid in my life. I’ve spent my entire life avoiding them. I didn’t ask you to bring her here. I can’t change what happened just as much as you. No one could’ve predicted the way I’d react, so why don’t you stop fighting it and f*cking trust me.” My eyes flew to Clara who was oblivious to our discussion, stroking a racoon statue.