Deploy, Part One (Rawlings #1)(9)
She knew he was. But since he didn’t seem to understand that she was waiting on him, that her being there was going to cost her in the long run, she feigned a languid surprised expression.
***
Justice always had to build herself up for a one on one with Declan Rawlings; at least she had to since the pair of them hit puberty. Before then he was the best tree climber she’d ever met, he wasn’t too bad at fishing either. He taught her how to shoot his BB gun, how to use a pocketknife. He even taught her how to play football, like a boss.
Yet, these days, the thought of him alone made her heart race and her gut twist. When she was close to him, when she felt his dominant vibe and heard his clipped words and found his blue-gray eyes drowned in emotion that didn’t fit the total package of him, he made it hard for her to think much less breathe.
Without her mental build up she would be crimson and mute in his presence. The ex-tomboy slash shy girl he still saw her as.
She knew all the Rawlings’ boys vanished after graduation, everyone did. But ever since she overheard Nolan and Declan talking one morning about how Tobias was getting Declan ready for his date, it became real to her.
She understood the boy she knew would be gone for good. Even if he made it back to Bradyville—which he swore he would not do when he was a kid—he’d never be the same. There would be more edge and more emotion in his stare. He would have seen and done things that Justice could never imagine. And surely some things that would make her blush at the thought of them.
Before she could offer him one of her well-practiced excuses she had been chanting since she watched him go into the locker room her phone rang again. She had been ignoring it for at least a half hour. Before today, she had been looking for any excuse to have second alone with Declan, to at least tell him she’d be thinking about him, and she’d...miss him.
She figured when she saw Murdock leave, more than likely thinking she had left with his dad, getting Declan to take her home was not only the best opportunity she had, but more than likely her last.
It was still a risk. Even if she timed it all right, Declan could have told her no, and even if he did say yes...she’d have to deal with her father if he was home and saw her pull up with him.
Brent Rose hated the Rawlings’ clan; he blamed them for her mother leaving. Justice heard the story weekly. One of how her mother was a lazy whore looking for an easy ride, how she left him to wallow in poverty.
Justice knew the truth, though. She knew her mother left because she was abused. Not only could she remember the fear and the yelling when she was little, but her grandmother had told her the real story—the one about the messy divorce and the even nastier custody battle, which ended with her mother’s parents and her father having joint custody. Justice had also spoken to her mother.
Her mother did leave with a buddy of the Rawlings’, but he only took her back to the state he was stationed in, to a women’s shelter. Her mother tried to get Justice out, too, but her father’s lawyers were impossible, claiming abandonment among other things. The joint custody between her grandparents and father was a compromise, one that her well-known minster grandfather was able to make happen. Even with the custody agreement Justice never really saw her mother. She had a new life now, a new husband, more children, and Justice was a reminder of a past she’d escaped.
After Justice’s grandfather died and her father decided to move in and take over his affairs Justice asked for help from her mom—help the woman said she could not give. She wasn’t coming back and Justice and her grandmother would not leave Bradyville, their home.
For the most part, Justice knew how to dodge most of her father’s blows and when to vanish so the idea didn’t cross his mind. Any time he had a bottle in his hand, he’d forget Justice was Justice. He’d see her mother and the aggression would flow.
Justice also knew how to smile and act like all was well. Even her grandfather had told her family business was just that, ‘no need to be broadcasting demons who find their doom one way or another.’
Under it all, she was keeping score. One day she’d find a way to get her dad out of her grandmother’s house. And then she’d get her grandfather’s church back and her father out of her life.
If there was one virtue Justice owned it was patience.
Doing her best not to tremble with reasonable fear Justice reached to answer her phone.
“Hi, Daddy.” She listened. “Really? He’s there? I was waiting—” Silence. “Well, I don’t know why he couldn’t find me.” Silence. “Really, that bad?” She listened to how she was irresponsible, how she knew there was a storm coming, and if she knew Murdock had left she should have called him. Now she was stuck. There was more to it, a lot of curse words, which were a bit slurred telling her he’d already decided to take the edge off. And a comment or two about her being as useless as her mother.
In the background she heard Murdock taking the blame, and like always, like with any authority figure, Murdock managed to calm her father down.
“I have a book and I’m underground,” she answered when her father asked her what she was going to do. Silence. “I know, yes. It’s not locked. I can get in. Yes, I’m sure,” she said as her gaze slowly moved up Declan, realizing the ride that she wasn’t sure how she was going to get through without sounding and looking like a fool had just turned into more time. A lot more. She also knew if her father figured out she was trapped here with Declan Rawlings, the price was going to be more than she bargained to pay.