Dekkir (Galaxy Alien Warriors #1)(17)
We stopped again at sunset. Dekkir went off to speak to some of the other warriors, and I took the opportunity to jump down and cautiously stretch my legs around the small artificial clearing. My joints popped as I moved, and I immediately started feeling a little better. I walked carefully, avoiding the edges of the clearing. I was mindful of what Elorie had said and had seen what this forest could do. I was halfway through my first circuit when I saw the caravan master walking up to me.
“Hey,” she said breezily. “I had been hoping to get a chance to talk to you alone.”
I tensed slightly but gave her a smile. “Yeah? What about?”
“You know, Dekkir and I have been lovers off and on.” Her smile got a little tight, and mine died. “Oh, it’s never been anything serious. Lyrans don’t really get into anything serious until we find real mates. Which is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know whether to be relieved she wasn’t jealous of me or annoyed about her sticking in her nose in general. “So what’s up?”
“I was just wondering why you’re not interested in Dekkir. I guess I don’t understand it.”
“Well, the short of it is humans don’t have the same—mating thing?—that you do. Basically, he’s suddenly crazy for me, and I feel guilty because I don’t feel the same way back. I wish I could. Now that I know him a little better, he’s a great guy. But I don’t have the pheromones or the psychic powers or whatever causes True Mating.”
Elorie’s face fell. “Oh. Well, that makes a little more sense. Except I don’t get how he would fall for a human anyway, if that’s the case.” She walked alongside me, keeping her crossbow propped on her shoulder.
“We’re going to talk to the healer about it. I don’t want him to suffer. I really do like the guy.”
The caravan master looked at me seriously. “He is suffering, though, Grace. When a True Mating is denied, those connected by it become sick. Dekkir could die without you if this goes on too long. I know he’s a tough guy, but he can’t do this forever. We need him. I know you can’t force yourself to love someone, but you should really think about that.” She looked me right in the eyes for a moment and then turned and walked back toward the caravan.
I stared after her, my eyes stinging. Well, crap. Now what do I do?
Dekkir could not eat his meal of dried meat and fruit. I watched him force down a few bites and some water and then give up, tucking the remainder back into his provision pouch. I remembered what Elorie had said to me and felt a fresh surge of shame. What the hell could I do? Just sleep with the guy because I felt bad and was being pressured from every side about it? It wasn’t fair to me, and if I actually went through with it, it wouldn’t be fair to him either. I could screw him, but I couldn’t love him in the same way.
I hate this place. Political problems, things trying to eat me, someone at the Command base deciding to try to start a war, and then this. I turned away from him and surreptitiously wiped away a tear. All this time, all this training, all these aspirations, and it was all being ruined by other people’s agendas and instincts. I should have stayed back on Earth.
“Are you all right?” He looked at me with concern.
“Oh, nothing. It’s fine.” The corners of my jaw ached from holding back an angry, weepy tirade. He was the one suffering the most here. He had put everything on the line to try to protect me, and it was his father who might be dying only a few meters behind us. I couldn’t just smile and spread my legs for him like a dutiful Victorian wife, but I wasn’t going to dump my problems on him. “I’ll manage.” I just didn’t know how.
“You regret coming to my world.” His voice was filled with tired resignation.
My eyes brimmed over again, and I turned away. “Yeah, good guess. Look. We’re both in a bad state right now, and I really don’t want to bring up my problems.”
“I can feel them whether you bring them up or not,” he rasped.
“Oh, great. That’s just wonderful. Well, I’m sorry I’m not all sunshine and f*cking roses, then.” I didn’t even know if that translated correctly, and I was too upset to care. I gritted my teeth, but the tears just kept sliding down my cheeks no matter what I did.
He reached over and started stroking my hair gently. “What can I do to help you?”
Oh God. Please don’t do that. I don’t understand why there’s no spark there for me, but the more you act like someone I actually would want to date if I felt anything, the harder it is for me to live with myself. “You’re great. You’ve already done a lot. You really shouldn’t have to worry about it.”
He opened his mouth to answer—just as the Grogs up front let out rumbling cries of alarm.
“Stay here,” Dekkir warned in a sharp voice as he leaped down from the sedan. I saw him whip that telescoping spear off his back and open it fully with a flick of his wrist. He hurried toward the disturbance at the front of the caravan, shouting orders to the other warriors as he went. “It’s a Raptor ambush! Bring them down quickly. Their hunting cries will call others!”
I stood up and craned my neck to try to see what was going on. The lead sedan toppled to the ground suddenly, landing on its side as several Lyrans leaped free. The rest ran forward to rank up behind Dekkir as he strode toward the pair of Grogs that had taken the lead of the caravan.