Deja Who (Insighter #1)(2)
All this to say Leah’s patient was quite right to be annoyed at the prospect of being admitted there, and Leah was quite wrong to threaten her with admission.
Also: no matter what nastiness I make up, there’s always, always something worse out there in the real world. Which is also why I don’t watch the news, vastly preferring to reread my Sandman graphic novels instead. Take from that what you will.
As long as you are not aware of the continual law of Die and Be Again, you are merely a vague guest on a dark Earth.
—GOETHE
“I think . . . in another lifetime I was probably Catherine the Great, or Francis of Assisi. I’m not sure which one. What do you think?”
“How come in former lifetimes, everybody is someone famous? I mean, how come nobody ever says they were Joe Schmo?”
“Because it doesn’t work that way, you fool!”
—ANNIE AND CRASH, BULL DURHAM
There is no death . . . the soul never dies and the body is never really alive.
—ISAAC SINGER
Tabula rasa: Latin; translation: “clean slate.”
Why should we be startled by death? Life is a constant putting off of the mortal coil—coat, cuticle, flesh and bones, all old clothes.
—HENRY DAVID THOREAU
“Get out of here! Can’t you see we don’t want you anymore? Why can’t you go back where you came from? Now leave us alone!”
—GEORGE HENDERSON, HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS
CONTENTS
PRAISE FOR MARYJANICE DAVIDSON
TITLES BY MARYJANICE DAVIDSON
TITLE PAGE
COPYRIGHT
DEDICATION
AUTHOR’S NOTE
EPIGRAPHS
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
CHAPTER THIRTY
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
CHAPTER FORTY
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
EPILOGUE
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PROLOGUE
“Please. Please don’t kill me again.”
“. . . I have to.”
So he did.
ONE
Clinic notes: Alice Delaney, Chart #6116
Date: 9/17/2017
INS: Leah Nazir, ID# 29682
Cc: Dr. Riario, CF; Maura Hickman INS ID# 30199
Patient is a well-nourished Caucasian female who presents with anxiety, loss of appetite, fatigue, and night terrors.
“When are we going to figure out what’s wrong? This is our fifth session,” #6116 complained.
“It will be fine,” Leah assured her. Like Liz Lemon, if she rolled her eyes many more times, she risked her optic nerves cramping. “We’re getting close. We’re not filling a cavity; it’s not a one-trip fix. Now take a long deep breath.”
“Okay, but I don’t—”
“Less talking. More breathing.” She kept a smile on her face, which wasn’t easy.
Symptoms began thirteen days ago.
Yes indeed, because putting up with unpleasantness for even two weeks is asking too much. Ugh.
Referred by her GP Gary Riario. DOB 8/1/1993.
Gary, Gary. Not a fan of Insighters, unless he needed to refer. Then he was all Insighters, all the time. What secrets from sticky past lives are you hiding, Gary? “Feeling all right? Nod, don’t speak.”
Chart #6116 nodded, eyes closed.
“Meds bothering you?” The hypnotic analgesic, applied five minutes before the session began, sometimes triggered nausea. And catastrophic brain injury. But that almost never happened with the new protocols in place. Acceptable risk.
Chart #6116 shook her head. Oh, well. There was always the chance she might throw up later. Dare to dream!
I used to be nice. Didn’t I? It was hard to remember. Once upon a time, she liked her patients. Tried to like them, at least.
She bent forward so she was almost looming over #6116 and adjusted the IV. Chart #6116 was lying snugly on the green padded couch, so plush a patient didn’t sink into it but was swallowed by the greedy sofa. A necessary evil, as the couch had built-in sensors that continually monitored blood pressure, heart rate, temperature. It was always good to have advance notice if a patient was about to stroke out. Being devoured by a couch did not go over well with her claustrophobes; she kept a cot for them, and monitored their vitals the old-fashioned way.