Dear Aaron(101)

What was wrong with me? Who kept doing this kind of crap to themselves willingly? Knowing how this would end?

Way to go, I told myself. Way to freaking go.

No wonder. No freaking wonder I was where I was.

Maybe I’d been looking at this relationship business the wrong way all along. Maybe I shouldn’t expect fireworks and heart eyes straight from the beginning. Maybe falling in love or liking someone was gradual and it took a few dates. Maybe.

After all, I was listening to my mom who had been married four times.

Maybe I really was expecting too much.

Shoving my hands into the pockets of my shorts, I looked up and down the nearly deserted street and went left, my heart feeling so heavy it was hanging around my belly button. There was hardly anyone out and about as I speed-walked toward the shops I’d seen on the way over, literally fifty feet away from the pub’s entrance.

I’d barely made it halfway down the block when my phone vibrated against my hip, where the body of my purse was resting. Stopping on the corner, I pulled it out and forced a shaky breath out of my mouth that was immediately followed by a tear that rolled out of my eye. I wiped it before it made it far, and stared at the NEW MESSAGE AARON HALL on the screen. Swiping my finger across the screen to unlock it, I told myself the same thing I had from the moment I became aware I had feelings for him. He didn’t see me the way I wanted him to, and even if he did, did I want to be with someone who kept so much to himself?

Not really, my head said, but my heart said it could deal.

I opened the message.

Aaron: Where are you?



Standing there on the street, I typed back my reply.

Ruby: Going to look for Mindy.



I had possibly taken five steps forward after sending the text when my phone vibrated again.

Aaron: What way did you go?



I squeezed the phone in my hand and took a deep breath, reaching up to wipe at my face the second I thought I felt another tear in my eye. I was such a loser. Why was I tearing up?

Ruby: Left.



I answered him honestly even though I didn’t want to. I typed out another message.

Ruby: You don’t have to come. I’m fine. I won’t get lost. Text me when you’re done.



I sent it and then added :) because that wasn’t passive-aggressive enough.

Aaron: Ruby



That was all his response said.

Ruby: It’s okay. You need to hang out with your friends too and not spend all day babysitting me.



I typed up I’m used to being alone, but deleted it because that didn’t sound all melodramatic and pathetic at all. Instead, I settled for I’ll be with Mindy. Have fun.

Putting my phone back into my bag, I reached up to my face and pressed my fingers against my brow bone, my thumb on my cheekbone, and let out a shaky breath. I needed to get over this crap, or at least learn how to deal with it better, ASAP. I couldn’t be a jerk to him because of the things going on in my head that he had no part of. I couldn’t be mad at him for flirting with a pretty woman.

…Even if it felt like everything inside of me had gotten beaten up, and I felt defeated and more than a little alone.

My phone didn’t vibrate again as I slipped into the first shop I found open. Mindy wasn’t in it, but I walked around the glassblowing store, taking in all the knickknacks there. Then I went into a souvenir shop and spent some time in there, buying a small magnet for my mom and Ben that was on sale. After that there was a T-shirt store, an art gallery… I must have spent an hour going from one business to the other, never coming across Mindy. It wasn’t until my phone started ringing that I finally pulled it out again. Aaron’s name flashed across the screen.

I held back a sigh as I went to answer it. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

I smiled at the man behind the register as I walked out of the shop, trying to remember what direction I’d come from. “At a store. I couldn’t find Mindy. Are you all done?”

“She just got back here a minute ago. I thought you were going to be with her?”

I knew I was in one of my rare crappy moods when his worry irritated me. “I was going to, but I couldn’t find her. I’ll head back if you’re ready to go.”

There was definitely a sigh over the receiver followed by a, “We’ll see you here. Be careful.”

Squeezing my hands at my sides, I shook off the emotions I could and started walking back in the direction I’d come. It didn’t take me more than ten minutes to make it back to the restaurant after I’d taken a wrong turn a block too early. By the time I made it, I could see the group standing on the street right by the two cars. Brittany was by her white Alero, keys twirling in her hand. The one blond in the group, the one I could probably recognize from a mile away stood beside the passenger door of his pickup, his head swinging left to right, up and down the street.

It was Mindy who spotted me first.

“I had no idea you were looking for me, I’m sorry,” she said immediately once I was close enough.

“It’s okay,” I assured her, making sure to keep my gaze on her face and her face alone.

“I’ll give you my number for next time,” she offered, already rattling off numbers before I even had my phone out.

“I’m sorry for taking so long,” I apologized to the other four, the second Mindy stepped aside. Brittany looked fine, but the three men… not so much. Even with more than five feet between us, I could see the red in Max and Des’s eyes. I still hadn’t glanced at Aaron because, what was the point?