Deadly Promises (Tracers #2.5)(91)

The moment stretched out. Neither of them said anything. Kelsey wasn’t sure she could. She felt spent, boneless, too wasted to move. So she lay there with her heart thrumming underneath his and kept her eyes closed. Finally he lifted his weight off her and she took a deep breath.

He rolled onto his back and pulled her with him.

“They gave you a key,” she murmured.

“I gave you a key.” He tucked her head under his chin. “It’s my room.”

She gazed up at the meandering crack in the ceiling. This place was a dump, and yet she didn’t want to be anywhere else. Maybe it was the way he seemed so comfortable, lying there with his arms around her. Or maybe it was the way her head fit so naturally against his collarbone. She never wanted to leave.

“You finally stopped shaking.”

She tipped her head back to look at him. “You warmed me up.”

He ran his hand over her hip and she closed her eyes.

“I get them, too, sometimes. The flashbacks.”

She opened her eyes, shocked. She never would have expected him to bring that up again, and definitely not while they were naked together for the first time. She waited for him to go on but he didn’t.

“Iraq?” she asked.

“Afghanistan, mostly.” He cleared his throat. “Actually, one particular night in Afghanistan.”

“What happened?”

Seconds ticked by, and the room was silent except for the low hum of the air conditioner.

“I got my teammate killed.”

She rested her cheek against his chest, waiting. She couldn’t ask.

“I did something impulsive. In the moment, you know?” He paused. “It didn’t go like I’d planned, and pretty soon Adam—that was his name—he’s lying on the floor of the helo with his face half blown off, screaming for his mom. I swear to God, I’ll never forget the sound of it.”

She covered his hand with hers and squeezed it. Neither of them spoke as she listened to Gage’s heart beat. Images of him on the floor of some helicopter crowded her mind. For the first time, she understood why Joe had never been married. What woman could live with that sort of fear hanging over her head?

Kelsey’s chest constricted as she realized what a terrible, irreversible mistake she had made. She’d let herself fall for a man who had the power to rip her to shreds. Even if by some miracle he didn’t push her away when the job was over, he could still do it. Without even wanting to, he could still break her heart.

GAGE WAITED FOR her to say something, but she didn’t. Even more surprising, she didn’t pat his hand and start spouting platitudes about not blaming himself and time healing all wounds or some of the other crap he’d heard over the past three months. She just listened. He knew she was listening because he could feel her body tense under his hands.

He tried to imagine Kelsey at work in Iraq, digging up women and children and elderly people who had been executed by their own government. He didn’t know a lot of people who’d sign up for a job like that.

“So”—he cleared his throat—“do you ever talk to anyone about it?”

“Not really. What about you?”

“Not really.”

“I had some friends while I was there,” she said. “One friend, really. I talked to him some. He was on a counterterrorism task force, so he’d seen things. He understood.”

Gage wasn’t sure he wanted to hear this but he persisted anyway. “You talk to him anymore?”

“Not a lot.” She sounded guarded now and he knew he’d guessed right. This was an intimate friend. “We run into each other every now and then, but it’s not the same. Our relationship more or less ended when I left.”

He filed that away for later. How did she run into him still if the relationship was over? A sour ball of resentment formed in his stomach. Which was crazy, he knew. How could he be jealous when she wasn’t even his girlfriend? This thing was temporary, and they both knew it, so why should he care who the hell she ran into “every now and then”?

She sat up. “I’m going to take that shower now. Want to come?” She gave him a look over her shoulder that made his just-returning-to-normal pulse kick up again. Then she turned to face him, emphasizing the invitation with a view of her lush breasts.

He sighed. “How did I ever mistake you for skinny?”

She scowled at him and swung her legs over the side of the bed. He caught her around the waist.

“I meant that in a nice way.”

“That was so rude.” She swatted his hand. “You are not invited into my shower!”

He scooped her up and carried her into the bathroom, ignoring the way she pounded his chest.

“I’m serious!”

“My room, my shower.” He put her on her feet in the tub, then climbed in with her. Blocking her exit with his arm, he reached over and turned on the water, and she squealed as an icy spray shot down from the faucet.

“Gage!”

He silenced her protest with a kiss, not letting her up for air until the water flowed hot and her arms draped over his shoulders and she was completely convinced of how attracted he was to her very amazing, unskinny body.

He pulled back to look at her. Lips parted, cheeks flushed, eyes glazed with desire—she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, and he had the overwhelming wish to freeze this image, this moment, in his head so he could take a part of her with him when he left.