Dead of Winter (The Arcana Chronicles #3)(88)

I cleared my throat, face flushing under Selena’s scrutiny. “And, uh, we discussed Death.”

“If you choose the Reaper because you feel more for him, then I got to accept that, me. But doan choose him because you got sympathy for someone with a shit fate.” He leaned in closer, resting his forehead against mine. “I got one too.”

“What does that mean?”

“I told you I couldn’t keep doing life after the Flash, not without you. That’s changed. I will go on—’cause I got a job to do now—but I will never be right. I’ve got to feel you with my every step, Evangeline.”

I managed a casual shrug for the Archer. “We didn’t get to talk long. Rodrigo needed him for that Shrine incursion meeting.” Jack had pressed a kiss to the top of my head, then reluctantly left me.

“Uh-huh. And did you talk to Death?”

“Briefly. He was scarce for most of the night.” At every opportunity, he read those chronicles, looking more engrossed than I’d ever seen him. Translating them must be critical, because his campaign to win me had taken a backseat.

When I caught up with him, I’d pressed him to tell me about his history with the Emperor.

“I can deny you nothing,” Aric said with a defeated exhalation. “In the game before last, he killed you. I hadn’t found you yet, hadn’t had a chance to determine what you were like. Or if we could be together.” He clenched his fists, his eyes gone starry. “The Emperor murdered my wife.”

“Who took him out?”

“I did. To avenge you and punish him for separating us. In that game, I harvested your icon from him.” Aric’s voice went hoarse as he gazed down at his hand. “I stared at it as centuries passed me by.”

So what would Aric do now if I chose to be with Jack?

“You’ve got a decision to make.” Selena handed me back the canteen to close. “And frankly, I don’t see what the issue is.”

With all honesty, I told her, “The issue is that I don’t know what’s going on in my head right now.”

“Well, figure it the hell out.”

I waved airily. “There! Done. Voilà.”

“Seriously, if you can figure out how to get Dom nija and J.D. to ride together and be civil, this should be cake.”

I sighed, about to tell her it was complicated, brushing her off. But how could I expect her to confide in me when I wouldn’t do the same in return? “I love Jack. But I have a connection to Aric.” One forged over millennia, like an endless wave along a shore.

Today, he’d gazed at me, but not with his usual confidence. He’d looked shaken—as if he suspected I was drawing away. But I wasn’t. My heart remained divided. “I . . . I think I’ve fallen for him as well.” He’d come so far, had made such strides. I believed he could be a good partner for me.

If he didn’t turn to coercion again. I dreaded the trick up his sleeve.

“Shit, girl. What’d you go and do that for?”

I glared. “Like I could help it?” My dreams of both of them had given me glimpses into how they’d become the men they were today. But those dreams hadn’t helped me come to a decision.

She tugged a silvery blond tress from her cheek. “Granted, Death’s different from what I thought, but would you really choose him over J.D.?”

“Aric told me I should give my blessing to you and Jack.”

She snorted. “You can bless us all you want, but it’s not happening.”

I frowned at her. “You told me things had changed between you two.”

“Yeah. As in, I made peace with the fact that I’ll never be with him. It was a done thing between you two before I ever came into the picture.”

“Why are you so sure?”

“After he heard you didn’t want to have anything to do with him, J.D. took it bad—like head in his hands, pulling out his hair. So we got wasted together. I told him how I felt about him, and I tried to kiss him.”

Jealousy scored me.

“And do you know what he did?”

I held my breath.

“He pushed me away, telling me that the people of his mother’s blood fall in love once. They pray they get it right—because it can’t be changed. He told me his mother loved his father, unrequited, and nineteen years of misery couldn’t shake it.”

The root of his mother’s pain.

Selena gazed at him. “That’s why you and J.D. have to get back together.” The Archer’s eyes could be so dark and cutting, but for Jack alone, they went soft. “I can’t stand for him to hurt like that.”

“You and he never . . . ?”

“Never. He doesn’t even see me when you’re around.”

I felt guilty for doubting him in this. Maybe I could give him my trust again?

“Besides, I’m not settling for someone who can’t love me totally. I mean, check me out—do I look like a girl who needs to settle?” She squared her shoulders. “A make-do runner-up? I’ve been number one at everything I’ve ever done.”

Normally I would have groaned to hear her talk like that. Now a bit of my worry lifted. She would recover from the Lovers; I believed that.

“I’m not going to stop being number one just for a guy.”