Dauntless (Sons of Templar MC #5)(8)

Me? I offered her a bottle and escape the only way I knew how, by partying.

He offered her more. Much more.

“I’m totally fine, Lilmeister,” I lied, smiling brightly at her. I’d gotten good at this, at the act. Hiding the way I got twitchy if it’d been too long between hits. How I was spending all of my spare money on it. I was an expert.

An addict.

No. I didn’t let my mind focus on that word. I wasn’t that. No.

“You sure?” she asked, her gaze running over me.

I kept my grin in place. “Sure, babe. I’m just contemplating my outfit for tonight. I’m feeling inspired by Rihanna’s S&M. Whips and chains excite me.” I winked at her.

She stared at me with furrowed brows for a moment longer, then shook her head. She was used to such phrases from me. I was the vulgar, stripper best friend after all. Plucky and able to handle almost anything. I had to play my part. She couldn’t see the crumbling filth beneath the fa?ade I’d constructed with black clothes and an expert hand at winged eyeliner.

“You need anything at the supermarket?” she asked, rifling through her bag the way we all did, making sure everything of import was in there.

“Caviar, Dom, the usual,” I replied, reclining back on the sofa.

She shook her blonde head once more, in a way that made her look older than me, like she was the slightly amused mother looking at her immature child. Then again, she had a lifetime of being that person, the responsible one. Her mom had been a free spirit, an artist. A wonderful woman and a magnificent mother, but not the best at remembering to pay the electric bill and keep the cupboards stocked. That had been Lily’s job. She might need protecting but she took care of people. Of me. Of her mom. Until the moment her mom died.

It hit me then, the last time I spoke to her. Hit without warning, so I couldn’t chase it away.

“Love.”

My head jerked up from its resting place on the corner of the bed. Sleep released me from its grasp as soon as I saw Faith’s eyes. She’d been sleeping more now. Closer to the end. Our lives were getting darker and darker as her light grew dimmer and dimmer.

Lily dragged herself away to work. She didn’t want to. I knew she was terrified that Faith would slip away while she was slinging cocktails. That’s what I was afraid of.

Faith leaving her.

Leaving me.

I rubbed my eyes. “Love?” I repeated, confused.

“Love isn’t knowing every inch of the other person. Looking at the darkest corners and getting to know their skeletons. It’s finding their truth, the core of who they are, the part of you that they recognize in themselves. Some people recognize that truth after spending a day ‘getting to know’ someone. Others a year. A special few, a moment.”

I blinked at her, the journey into lucidity jarring. “I’m not looking for a Prince Charming or a ‘love at first sight’ deal, Faith. You know that’s not me.” I tried to smile and wink at the woman I loved more than anyone on the planet, the one who was little more than a skeleton in front of me.

In a very deliberate and devastatingly slow move, Faith moved her gray and bruised hand to cover mine. With a surprising amount of strength, she squeezed it, her eyes glittering. “I’m not talking about a Prince Charming,” she rasped. “I’m talking about Rebecca. About you finding her truth and seeing how utterly beautiful and unique her truth is.” She paused, sucking in a labored breath. “But Prince Charming? I doubt he could handle you. Nor would he deserve you. You’ll get someone much better than him. And you’ll get him.”

The certainty in her voice unnerved me. Had me wondering whether the fact she was flirting with death gave her some glimpse into the future.

“Faith,” I whispered. But I couldn’t say more because the grip on my hand loosened and that lucid gaze disappeared.

It was the last time I saw myself through her eyes, got a glimpse of my truth before I buried it in dirt and darkness.

I swallowed the chunk of coal at my throat as grief crept through the itchiness of my mind.

“I’ll get right on that,” she said with a small grin.

A grin!

I was so going to mouth-kiss that biker for making it possible for my best bud to smile again.

I’d also totally disembowel him if he took that smile away.

My own plucky smile left the moment Lily closed the door, my relaxed demeanor changing immediately as I darted off the sofa into my room. My shaking hands unveiled the expertly hidden package, and I wasted no time in finding my escape. My way to be clean. It didn’t escape me that my pursuit of washing off the filth gave me even more grime in the long run. Dirtied my soul. Like I said, future isn’t really my game. I live in the now.

And in the now, flying on the cushion that circled around me the moment I injected myself, I was clean. I was nothing.



An unperceivable amount of time later, a knocking jerked me out of my reverie. I was already coming out anyway. This stuff was shit. The high didn’t last enough, but I couldn’t afford any better.

Jesus, I wasn’t even good enough for the ‘good’ drugs.

Tragic.

I slowly pushed my jellylike limbs to the floor, my movements lethargic.

The knocking at the door turned to pounding. I stumbled into the living room, rolling my eyes.