Dauntless (Sons of Templar MC #5)(45)
I flinched. Not because I was insulted but because I was touched. He’d found it. My soft spot. By comparing me to the sister he obviously loved. Adored.
“They were twins, Sofia and Camila,” he continued. “Six years old. I was meant to take care of them that day. It’s what I thought I was doing. Out in the streets protectin’ our turf, making the neighborhood safe for them.” He sucked in a breath. “Our house was shit. No matter how much Mom tried to make it different, it was shit. It was small, falling apart, and gray. Only color came from the girls. We didn’t have much except a front yard where the girls liked to play in the sunshine. Every day they played out there, pretendin’ they were somewhere else, somewhere they deserved.” His voice was hard, cold. But I wasn’t fooled. I could feel the sorrow drenching the room. I don’t know how the heck I hadn’t seen it before. I thought I was good at hiding my demons, but this guy was the f*cking king.
And it broke my shriveled heart.
“’Cause I wasn’t where I was supposed to be that day, taking care of my girls, they did get to go somewhere else. Somewhere I hope to every f*cking thing that is holy is somewhere better. That’s the only thought that keeps me upright. That and the knowledge that they didn’t feel a thing. Didn’t know what was happening until they left this world.” His hazel eyes weren’t liquid; they were solid and they punctured through me. “See, the guys searchin’ for retribution for their fallen homie were good shots too. Not lucky, like me. Practiced. Ruthless. Didn’t f*ckin’ blink at putting bullets in two little girls’ heads.” His face was a mask. “Though they did regret it. I made sure of that.”
I shivered at the ice in his tone, the violence. It was a stranger to me. The person those demons transformed Lucky—no, Gabriel—into.
“Tore me apart, Becky. Till there was nothin’ left. Broke my momma. She never spoke to me again, still won’t.” He swallowed roughly and found a way to meet my eyes. I got sucked into them. Entangled in his nightmare. “Alexis overdosed a few months later. Not on purpose. She loved life too much, even with the babies gone.” His eyes glistened. “She was tryin’ to live. Burned too bright too quick and she exploded, like a supernova,” he whispered. “I went dark after that. I went f*ckin’ black. Fell deep into a world that still gives me f*ckin’ nightmares. That makes this one look like Candyland. Chanced upon Asher after a few years in that world. He was running from his own shit. Not my story to tell. But somehow, both of us recognized that we couldn’t stay where we were without turning into the monsters who’d taken my sisters from me. So we got out. And the rest, shall we say, is history.” He didn’t move his gaze from mine. “So it wasn’t fantasy that drew me to you. It was reality. My ugly, dark reality. And that’s why I dragged you here. To f*ckin’ save you, even if that pisses you off. ’Cause I’m not lettin’ another supernova explode in a ball of brilliance and leave my world just that bit darker.”
The silence that descended after he finished speaking was so heavy it seemed to darken the room, despite the sun shining through the windows. I was shocked silent, shocked still.
God, I’d been such a bitch to him. So self-important about my own suffering, so sure I was the only person between us battling demons so I had the authority to act how I wanted. How could someone who seemed to derive so much joy from the stupid aspects of life be someone who’d tasted the worst suffering this stupid ball of water had to offer? How the f*ck could he spend the day laughing when the universe gave him every reason to turn into a monster?
“I’m not sayin’ this for pity, Becky. Or to belittle your own shit. I’m only saying it so you understand you’re not alone. You’re not the only one the devil took some shots at while the big guy was lookin’ the other way.”
“You believe?” I asked in shock. “In God, in something bigger than this, after what you’ve been through?”
“You got another option for slogging through the shit that’s unfortunately a part of life? ’Cause death’s a part of life. Shouldn’t have been a part of Sofia and Camila’s, not for a long f*cking while. Or Alexis’s. But since it was, and I can’t change that, I’ve got to believe that someone, somewhere, is takin’ care of them. Only thing that’ll keep me sane. That and the knowledge of the fact I got my revenge. Guess it’s kind of a paradox in believing in heaven when my revenge got me a one-way ticket to hell. But I’m okay with that, if they’re in that place and the people who put them there are roasting with the Devil himself.”
It broke then. My shield, my armor, whatever it was that stood between me and him. Fell into a thousand pieces, and I didn’t give a shit. I didn’t have words. I wasn’t a warm and tender woman who could heal hurts with soft whispers. So I did the only thing I knew to do, the only thing that came to mind, that felt natural.
I stepped forward, kept walking until my body pressed to his. I soaked it up, every ugly and thorny emotion rolling from him. I moved my hands up the sides of his neck and gripped it tightly, pulling it slightly so I could reach his mouth, so we were inches away from each other.
“Becky,” he warned.
“No talking,” I murmured.
Then I pressed my lips to his. It was a first for me, kissing someone like that. Kissing someone I actually gave a shit about. Kissing them and wishing that my lips would do something, cure something. A sensation rolled from that kiss, spreading to every part of me.