Dastardly Bastard(19)
“Id, you stupid bastard. I’m Id! I’m you at your base level. B2, the elevator stops here, boss. Toot, toot!”
“Now I know I’ve lost it.” Jaleel shook his head in a feeble attempt to clear it.
“Look, you’re crazy. Nutso. Not playing with a full deck. Off your meds. Certifiably FUBARed. You following me? Or should I ask, are you following you?”
“But I’m not talking to myself.” Jaleel ran a hand over his tight black curls. “I mean… I can see you.”
“You see a delusional projection of your inner mind. Weird, huh?” Id smiled.
“But crazy people don’t know they’re crazy. It just don’t work like that. There’s some other explanation.”
“There’s a first time for everything.” Id shimmered, sparkling bits exploding off its form like fireworks in a night sky. “Look, we don’t have time for this getting-to-know-yourself, twelve-step, hootenanny bullshit. You have to be very careful how you proceed with these guys. They aren’t gonna understand what just happened to you. After all, you were just pirouetting around spouting off poetry that just up and popped into your gray matter. So excuse me for saying, but I wouldn’t trust your ass as far as I can throw you. But throwing oneself can be a tricky venture if not—”
“Id!” Jaleel hissed, trying to get himself back on track. The thought made his head hurt.
“Right. Well, calm down. You do tend to get carried away from time to time, so you can only imagine I suffer from the same what-ails-you, as it were, respectfully.” Id floated to the left, cutting off Jaleel’s line of sight to everyone but the small man. “Truth is, there’s some bad voodoo in them thar hills, and you can’t trust anyone. Yeah, so you’re crazy. Call up Britney Spears, shave your head, and have a dinner date with the Mad Effing Hatter for all I care. But all that’s for later. Right now, I take over, and you listen to yourself for once. Clear?”
“Why should I listen to you, if you’re me? Wouldn’t that be like getting in a car with a drunk?”
“You’ll listen to me because I don’t want you dead. You die, and it’s bye-bye for Id. You dig? What you wanna do is act as normal as your effed-up little brain will allow. I know, I know, easier said than done. But I promise, I have the most honest intentions out of this entire gaggle of batshit crazy geese we’ve wound up with.”
Jaleel sighed. “What do I want me to do?”
“Good. Finally listening to reason. I knew, deep down, you weren’t so bad. Kinda take after me in a way.” Id waved, and more pinkish-blue sparkles scattered like fleeing fireflies. “So, this is what you’re gonna do…”
16
MARSHA LAKE KNELT BESIDE HER son, placing a hand against his cheek. She’d seen the look of sheer horror in his eyes after everything went black. When she came back into herself, Lyle had stared at her in terror. It was a moment she would never forget, or ever want to relive. Her only child, trembling, scared to death because she had… done something.
But what had she done?
She remembered the little guy calling Jaleel the N-word. Marsha recalled trying to tell Lyle to be quiet, that it wasn’t his place to say anything, just none of his business. And that was it. The next thing she knew, Lyle looked like a deer caught in headlights. She believed, in that instant, if Lyle had had the gear, he would have climbed the rock face just to get away from her.
What the hell did you do? She willed her mind to clear away the fog it currently resided in. She fought to pull her memories to the surface, but nothing worked. They were just gone.
Brrrrr… brrrrr… brrrrr…
The noise was sudden, too loud, but she had no idea where it was coming from. It seemed to be all around her—in the chasm, above her, coming from the couple at the wall, rising from the form of the tour guide as he talked to someone… someone who wasn’t there.
Jaleel stopped his monologue, meeting Marsha’s eye. “We need to find help,” the tour guide said, pushing himself to his feet.
“The… the camera guy… the big guy is…” Justine stammered, her voice full of emotions, face covered in renegade tears.
“I know.” The guide’s voice was somber. “That’s why we need to get help.”
“What the hell happened to you?” That was Trevor, voice calmer than he looked. He left his girlfriend to confront Jaleel. Marsha worried a fight might break out.
“I don’t remember,” Jaleel admitted. His face was honest, concerned. From what Marsha could gather, he was telling the truth.
Brrrrr… brrrrr… brrrrr…
What is that?
“You aren’t getting off that easy. My girl’s a wreck. We got a kid that wants to kill himself and a dead fat guy. What the fuck happened?” Trevor growled, his teeth clenched.
“Baby,” Justine pleaded, coming to her boyfriend’s side.
“I can’t remem—”
“Fuck you, man! You tell us—”
“He’s telling the truth,” Marsha finally said. Everyone stopped and looked down at her. Trevor’s eyes were filled with anger, Jaleel’s, curiosity. Justine only nodded.
Brrrrr… brrrrr… brrrrr…