Dark Flame (The Immortals #4)(65)
“Maybe they failed to mention it, but I’m sure Damen didn’t?” She looks at me, clearly not buying it from the arch of her brow and tilt of her chin. “Ever, if you came here for help, which, considering the time and the circumstances, I’m assuming you did, then please allow me to do that—help. There’s no need for excuses, I’m not here to judge you in any way, shape, or form. You made a mistake, you’re not the first, and you certainly won’t be the last. And while I’m sure you feel that your particular mistake is extraordinarily big, insurmountable even, contrary to what you might think, these types of things can always be undone, and oftentimes aren’t nearly as lethal as we think—or, should I say, as we allow them to be.”
“Oh, so now I’m allowing it?” I start, the argument coming so readily, so easy, but my heart isn’t in it, and I quickly flash my palm and wave it away. Sighing as I add, “You know, for someone who needs help as often as I do, you’d think I’d be a little better at accepting it.” I roll my eyes and shake my head, the gesture directed at me, not her.
She shrugs, removing an oatmeal cookie from the stack and plopping a raisin into her mouth. “It’s never easy for the stubborn.” She smiles, her gaze meeting mine. “But I think we’re past all that now, right?” Seeing my nod of consent, and forging ahead when she adds, “The thing is, Ever, with both magick and manifesting, it’s the intent that matters most—the result that you’re focusing on. Your intention is the most important tool you have at your disposal. You’re familiar with the Law of Attraction, right?” She looks at me, running her hand over her silky sleeve. “That we attract that which we focus on? Well, it’s no different here. When you focus on what you fear—you get more of what you fear. When you focus on what you don’t want—you get more of what you don’t want. When you focus on attempting to control others—you attract more of being controlled. Your attention to them brings more of them, and more like them, into your life. Imposing your will upon others in order to persuade them to do something they’re normally unwilling to do—well, not only does it not work but it also has a way of boomeranging right back at you. Resulting in karma, as every action does, only this isn’t the kind that works in your favor, unless you’re up for learning a few very important lessons, that is . . .”
But even though she continues to talk, my mind is still stuck on that part about karma, about it boomeranging back. Remembering how the twins said something similar, something like: It’s wrong to use magick for selfish, nefarious reasons. There’s karma to pay, and it’ll come back times three.
I swallow hard and reach for my tea, her words glancing over me when she says, “Ever, you must understand that all of this time you’ve been resisting in the very worst way. Resisting against me, when I tried to help you, resisting against Damen when he grew concerned for you, resisting against Roman and the horrible things he’s done to you—” She lifts her hand, seeing how I’m about to refute that last one and silencing me with one raised finger when she says, “And the thing about resistance, the irony of it is, you end up spending so much time and energy focusing on the things you’re resisting, the things you don’t want, that you end up attracting exactly those things.”
I look at her, not sure that I follow. Am I not supposed to resist against Roman? I mean, hel-lo, look what just happened, or what almost just happened, when I almost allowed myself to give in.
She squares her shoulders, placing her hands on either side of her cup when she meets my gaze and begins again. “Everything is energy, right?”
So I’ve heard.
“So if your thoughts are energy, and energy attracts, then all of your thoughts about all of the things you fear the most—well, you’re actually making them happen. You’re manifesting them into existence simply by obsessing over them. Or, more simply put, and, as it happens, very apropos for you, as the alchemists said: ‘As above, so below, as within, so without.’ ”
“That’s simply put?” I shake my head and swirl my tea around and around. She may as well be speaking in tongues for all I understood.
She smiles, her eyes patient, kind. “What it means is that what’s inside us will also be found outside of us. That our inner states of consciousness, the thoughts that we focus on, will always be reflected in our outer lives. There’s no escaping it, Ever, it just is. But what you failed to realize is that the magick isn’t out there—it’s not in the hands of the goddess or the queen—it’s in here.” She thumps her fist against her chest, gazing at me as her whole face lifts. “The only reason Roman has any power over you is because you gave it to him—you handed it right over! Yes, I know he tricked you, and yes, I know how he’s keeping you from ever truly being with Damen, and yes, that must be unimaginably horrible, but if you’ll just stop resisting what already is, if you just stop focusing on Roman and the rotten things that he’s done, you’ll be able to break this awful bond you’ve built with him. And soon, after a decent amount of meditation and cleansing, he won’t be able to bother you anymore—not even close.”
“But he’ll still have the antidote—he’ll still—” I start, but it’s no use, Ava’s on a roll and she’s not finished yet.