Cupid's Christmas (Serendipity #3)(18)

“Lindsay you’re here now, but you won’t always be. One of these days you’ll meet someone special, get married and move away. When that happens, I don’t want you looking back and feeling guilty because I’m alone. With Eleanor by my side, you won’t have to.”

“So you’ll stick Mom’s memory in the closet and forget about everything that—”

“Your mother’s memory will be with me for as long as I live,” John said, “Even if I tried to forget Bethany, I couldn’t because you’re exactly like her.”

“I remind you of Mom?”

“You certainly do,” John nodded. “You look like her, talk like her, and at times you even have a bit of her temper.”

“Mom had a temper?”

John smiled. “You could say that.”

When the crying subsided, he went on to say, “Lindsay, after I lost your mom, you can’t begin to imagine how alone I was. I didn’t have company and didn’t want company. Every night I’d come home from work, heat up a TV dinner and sit in front of the television until the wee hours of the morning, just because I couldn’t stand the thought of climbing into that half-empty bed. I lived that way for almost nine years. Then I ran into Eleanor—”

“If you were so lonely, why didn’t you ask me to come home?”

“I thought of it a thousand times. But as much as I wanted to have you home, I knew it would be wrong. You have your own life to live…”

“I would have—”

“I know you would have. And although that would have been better for me, it wouldn’t have been the best thing for you.” He slid his finger beneath her chin and tilted her face to his. “You’re my little girl and I’ve loved you since the day you were born, that will never change. After your mom died, I was miserable and alone but I loved you enough to let you live your own life—won’t you please do the same for me now?”

Lindsay said nothing. There was nothing more to say.

It was the bottom of the third when they entered the stadium. Two runs had just scored and Hunter Pence was at bat. When, after three balls and two strikes, Hunter hit one over the wall, the crowd went wild. As Hunter rounded the bases, everyone in the stadium jumped to their feet, yelling and cheering—everyone except Lindsay. She was deep in thought and paying little attention to the action.



On the way home Lindsay looked at her father and said, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Being so selfish.”

John looked across and smiled. “You’re not selfish, honey. Sometimes change is hard.”

“Yeah,” Lindsay stared out the window and watched as they drove past colorless buildings and an endless parade of billboards. When she caught sight of a billboard promising Fun, Fun, Fun at an Atlantic City casino she gave a long and sorrowful sigh. “I’m sorry if I’ve been tough on you, Dad—but it feels like I’m losing everything I care about,” she said. “First it was Phillip, then my job, then the apartment, and now you.”

“You’re not losing me—you couldn’t lose me if you tried. I’m your dad and I’ll always be your dad, that’s never going to change. And as for those other things, maybe the truth is, they weren’t worth having.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she echoed, but it wasn’t what she was thinking.

Lindsay was lost in thought when she heard the far off sound of a dog barking. “Did you hear that?” she asked.

John nodded, “Must be the radio.” He reached over and pushed the power button—music blared. He pushed it again and there was silence. “Not the radio,” he said, “…probably came from another car.”

Lindsay knew the barking hadn’t come from either the radio or another car, she recognized the high-pitched bark, she’d heard it a number of times before.





Don’t be lulled into thinking all is well now that Lindsay’s apologized, it’s not. She’s a human with more ups and downs than a rollercoaster. Oh, her apology was genuine enough, but it’s unlikely she can stay with the thought. Jealousy, that’s the problem. Lindsay can’t admit it, because she doesn’t realize it. The issue here is not John’s loyalty to Bethany, it’s that Lindsay is feeling left out. She’s never going to come to terms with Eleanor, until she comes to terms with herself. For that to happen I’ve got to up the distraction factor, toss in some confidence and adjust a number of memories. This is way beyond my range of responsibility and if Life Management gets wind of what I’m doing, there will be hell to pay—and I do mean Hell!





During the week before Labor Day, it seemed that Lindsay couldn’t turn around without coming face to face with Eleanor. She was everywhere—in the kitchen, in the living room, stretched out on the backyard chaise. It got so Lindsay began to fear that one morning she would wake to find Eleanor under her bed. Although she tried to avoid being in the same room, it was virtually impossible. Even when Eleanor was absent, reminders of her remained. Gardening magazines were scattered about, a half-finished needlepoint was left in the family room, a ring holder suddenly appeared on the kitchen window sill and on the bathroom counter there were three bottles of nail polish, in peachy-pink colors Bethany would never dream of wearing.