Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4)(129)

“I’m going to rehab tomorrow. For the next six months. I’ll be there getting my shit together. Getting my head out of my ass and back in the real world. I guess both of us have some healing to do," he stated, grabbing the cup of water on his bedside table and taking a drink.

I didn't falter. “Why are you going to rehab?”

He narrowed his eyes at me, confused.

“Is it for your parents? Your friends? Me? At the end of the day you need to go there for you, Austin. Your recovery, your sobriety. It needs to be something that you want, not what everyone else wants for you. If you don’t want it, if your head isn't in the right place, all you’re doing is wasting everyone’s time. Especially your own. See, I learned that was the biggest problem in our relationship. You always got better for me, for us. Never for you. As much as I hoped and prayed that it would be enough, it wasn’t. It never was. I can’t want it for you. Your parents and friends can't want it for you. No one can. You have to want it for yourself.”

He took in every single word that came out of my mouth. Listening intently. I could see it in his eyes, he knew I was right, and that gave me hope for him.

“I saw you.”

I lowered my eyebrows, cocking my head to the side. Not understanding what he was talking about.

“With Esteban.”

I grimaced, jerking back stunned. “What? How?”

“Do you love him, Daisy?” he asked not answering my questions.

Staring deep into my eyes, willing me to answer him truthfully. Now was as good a time as any to get out what I've been holding in for so long.

“I went back to New York after I left our home. I lived with my uncle in the same penthouse I hated growing up in. I stayed there for a little over a month, trying to stand on my own two feet but still stumbling every time I stood. When I was ready to be on my own again, I moved into another condo he owned in Manhattan. I ran into Esteban at the park one afternoon, a little over a year and a half ago. It was nice to see a familiar face when I still felt so f*cking lost. We went and grabbed some coffee together, and I ended up pouring my heart out to him. He sat there and listened to our sad story for three hours.”

I shook my head, remembering that day as if it happened yesterday.

“He was different but still the same, if that makes any sense. We exchanged numbers and said our goodbyes. For the first time in my life I had a friend that wasn’t you. One night a year ago we drank a little too much, and one thing led to another.”

He immediately shut his eyes, the hurt evident all around him. Radiating deep into my core. I hated knowing that I was hurting him. I hated knowing that he was probably craving to use. But I needed to tell him this. He needed to know.

As much as it killed me inside.

“I’m not saying this to hurt you. I swear the last thing I want is for you to leave here and go use, Austin.”

“Do you love him, Briggs?” he repeated with a hard edge to his tone.

“Does it really matter?”

He immediately opened his eyes with a pained look in his glare like I had never seen before.

“Is he the cause of your makeover?” he accused, taking in my new appearance. “You’re not mine anymore. You’re his.”

I bowed my head not knowing how to reply. What was the right or wrong answer? I just shook my head, looking everywhere but at him.

“Did you hear any of my messages? Did you know how much I was hurting? How much I looked for you, like I did the first time you left me in Miami? I saw you everyday, Daisy. You may have not been real, but I still saw my girl. My Daisy. It was the main reason I used so f*cking much. I stayed high to be near you.”

Tears streamed down my face, the ones I had been trying so hard to keep at bay.

“When I saw you with Esteban, it literally almost killed me. I died standing there watching him touch my girl, kissing the lips that I claimed as mine a long time ago. I’m not blaming you for my piss-poor decisions. I never meant for any of this to happen to us. I wanted to give you the world, Briggs. Everything you never had. The house, the white picket fence, a million shitlins running around the yard,” he chuckled, leaning forward to catch one of my tears.

“I love you more than anything in this world, baby. I lost sight of what was important. I f*cked up, and I can’t take that back,” he paused, his voice breaking. “I’m no good for you. At least not right now. I can’t keep doing this to you. I love you too f*cking much to not let you be happy. That’s why I OD’d. You deserve to be happy with or without me. I have to let you go even though it’s the last thing I want to f*cking do right now.”

I wiped away the tears from my face, feeling like he just ripped out my heart and stomped all over it. I couldn’t f*cking breathe.

“But none of that matters now. I have to let you go. Set you free. I love you. I’ll always f*cking love you,” he added, making my heart explode.

I nodded unable to form words, but it didn’t matter because there was nothing left to say. We said everything that mattered.

I stood, turning to leave. He instantly grabbed my hand, pulling me into his arms. Before I even realized what was happening, I was sobbing against his chest with his strong arms wrapped around me, feeling him cry too.

“I’m sorry, baby. I know you hate those words, but I’m so f*cking sorry for everything I put you through. I put us through. I ruined us when all you did was try to save us. Losing you will be my biggest regret in life. I love you so much, and I need you to please never ever forget that. Please…” he begged in a tone I had never heard from him before.