Cracks in the Sidewalk(16)

“When he finished complaining about his problems,” Charlie said sarcastically, “did he have anything else to say?”

“Not much; you know JT.” Elizabeth shrugged with her right shoulder.

Charlie shook his head in disgust. “It’s high time he started remembering what’s important.”

“His store is important,” Elizabeth said defensively.

“Nothing is as important as a man’s family!” Charlie’s words had an unusually sharp tone. “I have no respect for someone who values money more than his wife. Jeffrey’s a poor excuse for a man!”

“Daddy, that’s an awful thing to say.”

“No, it’s not. I know he’s your husband, but he’s using you to get to me. I’ll bet he said if I give him the loan, you can come home. Right? That’s what he said, wasn’t it?”

A tear fell from Elizabeth’s right eye.

“I knew it. That’s the kind of man he is.” Charlie’s voice suddenly got louder and angrier. “Well, no more. I wouldn’t give him a dime if he were standing on the corner with a tin cup. He’s a bum, a good-for-nothing bum!”

“Charlie,” Claire interrupted, “stop yelling at Elizabeth.”

“I’m not yelling!” Charlie shouted. “But I’m not going to allow that bum to mistreat my daughter! I will see him bankrupt before I give him one cent of financing for that travesty he calls a business.”

After that, no one talked about JT or the reason for Elizabeth not returning to her own house.

Charlie eventually left for the office, and Claire once again began plumping the pillows and straightening blankets.

“I know you’re disappointed,” she said. “But try not to let it get to you. Sooner or later JT will figure this out by himself.”

“I hope so,” Elizabeth said. “I surely hope so.”

“He will. In the meantime Daddy and I will take care of you, and you won’t have to contend with his grouchiness.”

Elizabeth only could manage a fragile smile

A week later, on the same day Elizabeth left St. Barnabas to return to her parents’ house, Christian was also released from the hospital. JT carried him home and handed him to Maria Ramirez, along with David and Kimberly. From that point on, he stopped calling Elizabeth altogether. She telephoned him countless number of times to ask if he’d bring the children but his answer stayed the same.

“Too busy,” he’d say. “I’m taking care of three kids and trying to run a business.”

“If you can’t come, let the kids come,” Elizabeth begged. “Mom will pick them up and bring them home.”

“No way.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said so.”

Elizabeth noticed that each time they spoke his voice sounded sharper, his resentment more pronounced. Claire knew when those conversations took place because for the remainder of the day and sometimes for days following, Elizabeth was red-eyed and locked within herself. To cheer her, Claire would ask, “Would you like a cup of tea? We can watch How the World Turns.”

“No, thanks,” Elizabeth would answer gloomily. “I already know how the world turns.”

Claire, who at times could become emotional over a broken teacup, stood firm as a rock. Never once did she reveal the agony inside her. Instead, she forced herself to be cheerful. To pull happy thoughts from the air and hand them to Elizabeth. In return, she got a fractured smile, halfhearted at best. Claire knew nothing could restore the magical laugh Elizabeth once had, but still she tried.

Without her children and Jeffrey’s arms to hold her, Elizabeth’s pain increased. She woke thinking of them. Fell asleep with them on her mind. Maybe constantly asking that he come for a visit drove him away. But how could she not? For the past eight years they stood side-by-side, weathered storms, endured hardships, shared joys. How could she give up trying to resurrect such a relationship? True, JT had moods. He could be difficult, even impossible at times, but without him she felt like half of her old self.

The worst happened when the discussion turned to blame. In those conversations the realization that JT no longer loved her hit Elizabeth head on. Regardless of how much she had given, regardless of how much she still had to give, he no longer loved her.

“Please come over,” she said, “even if it’s only for a little while. I really miss you and the kids.”

“Let’s not go through this again.”

“Don’t talk like that. I don’t like this situation either. I know it’s hard on you. It’s hard on me too.”

“I doubt that!”

“Well, it is. At least you’ve got your health and the kids—”

“And you’ve got Daddy-Big-Bucks,” he snapped. “This whole situation is his fault—”

“Stop it!” she said. “Stop acting like Daddy is to blame for your financial problems. He’s not. He’s no more to blame for your problems than I’m to blame for getting sick. It happened, that’s all there is to it! Let’s stop arguing about who’s to blame and get back to loving each other.”

“Screw you!” Jeffrey said and slammed the receiver down so hard it left a ringing in her ear.

That afternoon, for the first time, Elizabeth shared her pain with her mother.