Conviction(60)

Her tongue flicks out and swipes across her bottom lip before she sucks it in and drags her teeth over it.

“Meebs,” I close my eyes as I say her name. “Fuck, baby girl. I just, I can’t even. Can you believe this? That we’re really here, together like this?”

She gives her head a small shake and smiles. “Did you ever…” she cuts off and looks down at her fingers, which are laced together in her lap.

“Did you ever think about me, Con? Once the band made it big. Did I ever cross your mind?”

I close my eyes and for the first time ever, I simply let the pain I’ve held down for so very long wash over me. I don’t fight it. I let my heart beat free of the fist that’s gripped it for so long. I let out that very last bit of air from my lungs, the one that I’ve always held on to, afraid, that if I were to let it out all the hurt would come rushing out with it. I feel a spike of adrenalin course through my veins and the beginnings of a panic attack. I rake both of my hands through my hair and take in a deep breath, before opening my eyes and looking at her.

“You’ve no f*cking idea, Meebs. It hurt so much though. To the point that it was physical. I fought it. Every day I pushed it down, kept it locked away.” I run the backs of my knuckles over her cheek and along her jaw, suddenly overwhelmed with the need to touch her. She’s sitting in my lap, but I need to feel her warm, soft skin. “Every day. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, every day there would be a sight, a sound, smells, words, songs. There were so many triggers. Most of the time it would just cause a short, sharp stab of pain,” I look right into her eyes as I speak. No matter what becomes of us, no matter what happens after today, I need to lay it all out there. Tyler’s the only one I’ve admitted any of this to. The band knew that she hurt me, they knew she was my muse for most of my songs, but they had no idea to what degree that hurt still affected my every waking moment and still haunted my dreams.

“But some days,” I continue, “some days it floored me.”

Two large tears roll down her cheeks. I slide one hand around the back of her neck, the other around her waist and angle her face and body toward me. I can’t wait any more. I need to feel her mouth on mine.





Nina



My head spins as I scramble out of his lap. I can’t let him kiss me. I’ve barely hung on these last fifteen years. If I go there now, it’ll be game over for me. It’s fine for him, he’s Reed, he can have anyone he wants, but for me, the realisation has hit me tonight. For me, there is only him. There has only ever been him, and that makes me feel pretty shitty. I must’ve been such a terrible wife. I stayed married to a man I didn’t love for eight years. I used him because he was safe, and I’m wondering now if Marcus always knew this. If he always felt second best. I wonder if that’s what his little outburst was all about the night he attacked me?

I need some air, some space between us. He’s every girl’s dream, every woman’s fantasy and it would be so easy to get swept away by him and the memories of what we once had. But we live in two different worlds now. He’s a rock star, worshiped by millions around the world and I’m a hairdresser in the middle of what might possibly be about to become a messy divorce.

I head past the kitchen table and through the timber doors that Conner went through earlier. I lean at the same spot he did and draw in a shaky breath. The sun is almost up and the birds are singing. It’s the beginning of a new day. Just another day for most of the rest of the world, while mine feels like it’s been flipped on its head.

Within a few seconds, he’s there at my side, but he doesn’t say anything. We stand in silence. I can feel his eyes on me, but I remain staring ahead, looking out across the swimming pool and tennis courts. Beyond that is a beautiful, chocolate box cottage style house. Other than that, there’s not another house in sight. Just miles of rolling countryside.

“Why’d you run Meebs?”

You know that thing that always gets written in books, about not letting out the breath you didn’t know you were holding? Well, I actually do that. I let it out long and slow. Feeling my heart beat rapidly in my chest and throat.

“I’ve spent fifteen years trying to get over you, Con. Eight of them married to a man that I didn’t love, just because he was a safe option. If I didn’t love him, then he couldn’t hurt me like you did.” I finally turn and look at him. He’s leaning back on the handrail, his arms crossed and folded over his chest. I let my eyes roam over his handsome face and down to the hollow of his throat where a few wispy chest hairs stick out from the V of his T-shirt.

It’s too much. He’s too f*cking hot. Too sexy. What I’m feeling, what he’s stirred inside of me, it’s all too much.

I close my eyes and look away before continuing, “It wouldn’t matter if he left me like you did.”

“That’s not fair, Meebs. I never f*cking left you.”

I turn and once again look into those stunning eyes of his. Fuck! I wish he was ugly and a complete arsehole. This would all be so much easier.

“I know that now.”

He reaches out and pulls me to stand between his legs. Leaning his head down, he kisses my forehead.

“I loved you so much, Meebs, I would never have left you. I hate that you thought for a moment that I did.”