Code Name: Camelot (Noah Wolf #1)(34)
She grinned at him. “Well, considering the alternative, I’m sure you do,” she said. “The thing you gotta remember, though, is that you earned the opportunity. You demonstrated some incredible abilities, and those are abilities that we need in this organization. It simply made sense for me to do everything I could to recruit you.”
“Then here’s hoping I prove to be worth all your effort.”
Allison smiled. “There’s something special about you, Noah,” she said. “Doctor Parker says he wishes we could figure out a way to boil you down to your essence, so that we could just inject it into people. Luckily for you, he hasn’t found a way to do that, so we can’t produce dozens of you. You get to stay unique, and everyone who’s gotten to know you so far is convinced that your uniqueness is going to pay off for us in many ways.”
“Because I don’t have feelings?” Noah asked.
“That’s certainly part of it,” she said. “The significance of your lack of emotions is that you don’t suffer from guilt or remorse, so that you effectively have no conscience.”
“I know,” he replied. “That’s why I had to develop a sort of moral programming code, something to let me know when I was overstepping the bounds of propriety. It’s my own sense of right and wrong.”
Allison nodded. “Yes, and it seems to be an effective one, because you’ve gone this long without ending up in trouble. From what I’ve been able to determine through my own research and Doctor Parker’s, most people who suffer from conditions like yours can’t even function properly in society. I think your success in doing so probably goes back to the fact that you had an extremely intelligent friend who could help you understand what was happening to you when you were a child.”
“Molly,” Noah said. “If it hadn’t been for her, I probably would have lost my mind way back then, or at least found myself lost and confused among all you humans.”
Allison gave him a curious look. “You speak as if you don’t consider yourself to be one of us,” she said. “I’ve heard you say that before, that you don’t think of yourself as being a human at all. Is that really how you feel?”
“I suppose it is,” he said. “Humans have emotions, they have feelings, and a lot of their actions and decisions are guided by those feelings. Those are specific attributes of the human animal, and some other animals as well, but I don’t have them. That leaves me thinking that I’m a lot more like a robot than a person. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“As a matter of fact, I do,” she said, “and that’s specifically why you’re so valuable to us. You have the ability to act without having to agonize over a decision. You can evaluate a situation and decide, almost instantly, based on that evaluation, the best action to take. This makes you the best possible candidate for one of our operatives, because you won’t ever second-guess yourself. That’s gotten more of our people killed than anything else.”
Noah looked at her. “You’re right about that,” he said. “I don’t need to think something through over and over, I just need to know the circumstances that I’m dealing with. That lets me make a decision, and I can live with any decision I’ve made.”
Allison paused as the waitress brought their plates, then picked up her glass of orange juice and took a drink before continuing. “You know, I read your file. There are some interesting things in it.”
Noah nodded, and grinned. “I’m sure there are,” he said, “especially for someone reading it from your perspective. I’m going to guess that you’re referring to the incident that happened outside Kandahar, am I right?”
Allison cocked her head to the right, and smiled. “When you were ordered to guard the road and make sure no one drove up it, you didn’t hesitate to open fire on a carload of civilians who tried to force their way around you. When your men tried to file reports accusing you of murder in that case, you just stood on the fact that you were following the orders you were given. However, in the matter with Lieutenant Gibson, when you could have used the same defense to look the other way, you chose to stand up for what you believed was right. What was the difference?”
“The difference was simple, to me,” he said. “When my unit was assigned to guard the Kandahar Road, we were specifically given orders to prevent any vehicular traffic passing a certain point. If that meant that we had to open fire, then we were in fact ordered to do so, even if it meant firing on local civilians. In the other situation, we were supposed to be on patrol looking for possible terrorist encampments. Our orders did not include engaging or killing any civilians, under any circumstances, and certainly did not include clearly criminal actions like rape. By engaging in the activities that I reported, Lieutenant Gibson not only committed rape and murder, but he also violated the spirit of the orders he had been given. His actions could not be condoned, and required me to make a full report.”
“I’m curious, Noah,” Allison said. “You stand pretty firmly on orders, and what they mean. What if Lieutenant Gibson had simply ordered you to participate? Would you have obeyed?”
Noah shook his head. “No, Ma’am, I would not have. You see, to me, orders from a superior help me to establish what I need to be doing. However, I’m still fully aware that the people giving those orders are humans, and humans are often guided more by emotion than I am. If I’m given an order that clearly violates a superseding order or the prevailing moral code, then I am going to resort to my own understanding of right versus wrong. That’s what happened in this case; the situation was so far outside what I perceived as right that I was forced to take action.”