Claiming Crusher (Savage Brothers MC #4)(80)

“Look at me, Hellcat.”

I can’t bring myself to, even when he uses the command in his voice that I normally wouldn’t argue with.

“Hellcat, now.”

“I did it,” I whisper to him softly, because I’m ashamed. I don’t really want him to hear me. I’m ashamed that I was weak. I’m ashamed I didn’t manage to do it. I’m ashamed for being in this situation. I’m sick with regret that me living took the life of two men…two really good men…two men who were loved and had a life of happiness ahead of them.

“You didn’t do shit, Hellcat. It was that f*cker, Mich….”

“I stabbed myself, Zander. I wanted to die. I wanted to take that from him. I couldn’t even manage to do that. I’m weak and my weakness…killed…” I can’t even finish the thought. I killed Dragon… “You should have let me die. It would have been better if you did.”

Zander gently pulls my face towards him. He’s leaning over top of me and his eyes are full of emotion.

“You need to shut that f*cking shit up right now, Hellcat. You need to listen to me. You are the strongest woman I have ever met in my life. The shit you must have lived through, the shit you just lived through? That would destroy someone weak. There wouldn’t be anything but pieces left of them. You are f*cking amazing and if I have to tell you that every day for the rest of our lives together, I will. So just cut that shit out about being weak and how it would have been better if you were dead. Hand to God Hellcat, if I was in a world where you weren’t breathing, I’d follow you wherever the f*ck you went, because you’re it. You’re it for me.”

“Zander, please just stop. We both know the real reason you even look my way and I’m too tired to pretend otherwise.”

Zander sighs and sits back down holding my hand. I look down at our joined hands and find another reminder as to why I’m not good enough for him. My hand is bandaged up, but even in the bandages you see that I no longer have a pinky finger. It’s one more thing that Michael has taken from me and one more thing that Zander shouldn’t have to worry about. He needs a whole woman, one who can give him babies and be there for him in ways I’m too broken to manage.

“Enlighten me, Hellcat. Go ahead and tell me what the f*ck is the real reason I need you.”

“You couldn’t save Melly, so you want to try and save me. It’s okay I get it, and I could even live with being her substitute, but you deserve better. Somewhere you’ll find a…”

“A woman who drives me completely f*cking crazy,” he growls. I look up at him then, he’s angry. “What does it take to make you shut your damned pie-hole and listen to me?”

“Zander…”

“Don’t you Zander me, it’s time you listen to me, Hellcat and you better f*cking listen. I watched my mom get shit on and be my old man’s punching bag for years. I couldn’t save her and that sucked, but I was a damn kid. Melly was a beautiful, sweet, innocent girl that the world slowly destroyed. I wanted to save her, she wouldn’t let me and it was because we were both still kids. I would have loved her. I would have taken care of her and been happy. You’re right. You’re abso-f*cking-lutely right.”

“Zander, I don’t want to hear about…”

“You, Dani or Melinda or whoever the f*ck you are…”

“Dani,” I growl because I hate Melinda, I never want to be Melinda.

“You, do not make me happy—not even a little bit.”

His words hurt me and I feel like he just slapped me across the face.

“You make me screaming mad, confused, weak, aggravated, crazy, and horny as f*cking hell…”

“Listen…”

“And completely f*cking whole, for the first time in my life.”

I freeze right before I tell him to shut up. “I… uh what did you say?”

“I said you make me whole, Hellcat. When I’m with you, I feel at ease, relaxed, and peaceful, even when you make me want to scream. I’ve never had that in my f*cking life, but most of all Hellcat, you make me feel… alive. I need you, Hellcat. I need you more than any man has never needed a woman in his life. You aren’t a substitute for anyone, sweetheart. You are my f*cking world.”

“Zander…”

“My f*cking world, Dani…” He whispers leaning so close his face comes to mine and holds me prisoner in his gaze. “I love you.”

“Zander…”

“I love you,” he says again and his lips are so close I can feel his breath on my skin, almost taste him on my lips.

“Zander…”

“I love you,” he says again, his fingers lightly brush against the side of my neck as he holds my face in place.

“Will you let me finish now?”

“Not if you’re going to say more f*cked-up crazy shit,” he answers.

“I love you,” I tell him and I know my eyes are wet with tears.

“I give you permission to say that every f*cking day for the rest of our lives, Hellcat.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” I tell him and he places a small kiss against my lips.





Chapter 42