Claiming Crusher (Savage Brothers MC #4)(26)

I’ve f*cked up. I’ve f*cked up so bad. I want nothing more than to jump in the shower and let the water rinse me clean and hide my weak-ass tears. I can’t do that though, because of my damn leg. So instead, I rip my shirt over my head and push my pants off, cursing Tiny, my stupidity, Michael, and the stupid ridiculous choices my f*cked-up brain keeps making. I curse it all. I hobble to the shower and grab my shampoo and conditioner. I bend over the sink and wash my hair continuously until all I can smell is the scent of strawberries. Even when the scent has permeated the air, I wash it one more time. Then I slowly sink to the floor, ignoring the way my hair drips down my back onto my skin.

I don’t know how long I’ve stayed like this. I guess it must have been awhile, because the next thing I know, Zander is wrapping a bathrobe around me and pulling me up. I should be worried that I’m naked. I should be worried that I appear weak and broken. Something about the way he wraps the robe around me and helps me up, feeding my hands and arms through the sleeves, while supporting my weight, tells me I’m safe. Maybe I’m just completely out of it. Could I be in shock? Surely that’s the only thing that could explain why I would ever feel safe with a man.

“I was wondering when you were going to let it out, sweetheart.”

“I’m so stupid,” I whisper, like it’s a dirty secret. It might not be a secret, but I definitely feel dirty. I have for so long, nothing will ever make me feel clean again.

“You’re just searching,” he says applying pressure to my neck so I will hold my head down. Once I do that, he wraps a towel in my hair. Then, he picks me up and carries me out of the bathroom. I should argue, I should insist he put me down. I don’t. I lay my head against his shoulder and rest, as if I’m boneless. When he places me on the bed, I still don’t argue. The time to panic should be when he gets on the bed behind me. I don’t. He spoons me, gathering my body up close and pulling it back against him. His warmth reaches me, but I still feel so cold. This whole time, I’ve been crying. I feel like I could cry forever. He places a kiss on the top of my head and doesn’t say anything else. He just holds me, letting me cry. Eventually I feel a shift on the bed and then he’s reaching me some tissues, before settling back down behind me.

“You’re going to make yourself sick, Hellcat,” he rumbles, his head is somewhere over top of me. I’m burrowed against his chest, absorbing his heat.

“Nicole could die and it’s all my fault,” I whisper my biggest fear.

“She’s not going to die,” he argues.

“You don’t know that,” I answer, wishing there was some way he could tell me for sure Nicole will be okay. I need to know with a hundred percent certainty that my best friend, the only person besides Ray I’ve ever cared about in my life, is going to be okay.

“You don’t know she’s not. Don’t borrow trouble, it comes knocking on its own too easily.”

I’m mad at him. Mad that he won’t tell me she’s okay. Mad that he won’t give me the words to make the fear inside of me go away. It’s not logical, but it’s the truth.

“You should leave,” I tell him. It’s childish considering everything he’s done, but if he can’t make Nicole better then he’s just someone else to witness my guilt.

“Go to sleep Hellcat, tomorrow you can fight me. Tonight let it go and let me take care of you.”

We lie like that in silence. Zander holding me close. I should put a stop to it, but there’s that feeling again… that sense of…safety. Sleep is coming for me, but I can’t shut my brain down entirely.

“I only wanted to save her…save her like I wish they had saved me…”





Chapter 10




Crusher


Save her, like I wish they had saved me….Those words strike something inside of me that refuses to let go. I’ve replayed them for days. She needed someone to save her and no one did. What does this woman have hidden? Why do I care so much? Why do I need to be the one she reaches out to? I have all these questions and very few answers.

I’ve been staying at Dani’s every night for a week. It’s been heaven and hell. She’s as prickly as a cactus and I have to handle her with care. At the same time, she makes me laugh. We have a lot in common and every once in a while she lets her guard down and I see this other side to her. It’s vulnerable, soft, and sweet. It soothes me. Still, I’m enough of a sadistic jerk to admit I get off when she comes at me with her sharp claws and lethal tongue. There are times I want to grab her and show her exactly what I want her tongue for. I haven’t. Fuck, I’m getting blue balls holding back with her. Still, when she lets me see her vulnerable side, and her words come back to me, I hold back.

If something doesn’t give soon, I’m not going to be able to control myself much longer. Every night she crawls into bed. Every night she rubs that deliciously perfect ass against my crotch and my dick weeps with need. I’ve been a walking hard-on since that first night. After a week of no relief, you would think my cock would get the damn message. It hasn’t.

Today has been the worse yet. All day Dani has been prancing around the house in these barely there shorts and a black tank top and the bitch doesn’t even have a bra on. Does she know what she’s doing to me? Fuck, she probably does. It’s almost time for her to crawl in our bed. If I don’t blow off some steam then I’m not going to be able to lie next to her without my head spinning in circles and smoke coming out of my ears. I’ll need to be locked up in a padded cell.