Chirp(12)

Her lip quivered and her eyes filled with tears. She should accept Dylan’s proposal and make everyone’s life easier. Move out of her parents’ house and into his country-club, two-story home. No more shopping at thrift stores. Give up her part-time jobs. Purchase a newer car. Get a pedicure. Damn, it’d been years since she’d had one.

Noah shifted and made a little humming noise, then laughed. Hanna laughed, too. His unruly hair poked in every direction. The child needed a haircut. Blaze would take care of that.

The thought of her friend brought Rance to mind. Seeing him yesterday unnerved Hanna and caused long-buried emotions to resurface.

Hanna’s mom cleared her throat from the doorway. “He’s so precious.”

Hanna wiped at her eyes. “I’m going to marry Dylan.”

Mom crossed the room and slipped her arm around her daughter’s shoulders. “Oh, Hanna. I know you don’t love the man.”

Hanna caught the disappointment in her mom’s voice, but she’d grown weary of struggling. “I’m worn out, Momma. Tired of working two jobs and still not having enough to raise Noah without sponging off you and Daddy. Dylan can provide a good life for us. I care for him, and that will have to be enough.”

Mom pulled a tissue from her pocket, wiped her nose, then twisted it in her hands. Even before she spoke, her body language said she wasn’t on board with the idea. “Maybe for you, but will it be enough for him? He’s got to know how you feel, and I can’t believe he’ll settle for a loveless marriage. And you aren’t sponging. Dad and I love having you and Noah here.”

“I know, but I feel guilty that I contribute so little.”

“No. No. I won’t allow you to do this. In a few months you’ll have your degree, and they’ve promised you a job in the school district. Once you’re teaching, your income will double.”

That sounded good, but unless a teacher broke the code of conduct or died, a position rarely became available. “Only if they have an opening, which they don’t. That means I’ll have to find work out of town. Which means more gas, and I’ll need a dependable vehicle. Higher insurance, and I’ll see less of Noah. Marrying Dylan will change all that. I won’t even have to work because he wants a baby right away.”

Mom ripped the tissue and winced as she straightened. “Oh my God! Listen to yourself. Are you even sexually attracted to him?”

“Momma! That’s none of your business.”

“Sorry. But my daughter’s happiness is my business, and I’m making a point.” She looked at Hanna as if Hanna had lost her mind, then released a long sigh. “You’re willing to swear before God to love Dylan forever, and you don’t even love him now. The marriage will be doomed from the beginning. You can’t do this. I’m begging you.”

Hanna burst into tears, and so did Mom.

“What the hell? Did somebody die?” a male voice said.

Hanna faced her dad, but her mother spoke. “Come talk sense into your daughter. She plans to marry Dylan even though she doesn’t love him.”

Dad folded his arms over his broad chest and glared at his only child. “Hell no, you’re not. End of discussion.” He turned and ambled to the kitchen.

Hanna swallowed hard. Gerald Oliver Donnelly’s initials spelled God, and when in his presence, Hanna believed he was. She’d disappointed him once in her life and swore to never do it again, so if he said no wedding, there wouldn’t be one. If only her mother had supported her decision, G.O.D. would have followed suit.

Hanna stood but didn’t move. She half expected Mom to say more, but instead she shook her head and followed Dad into the kitchen. Hanna guessed it was back to business as usual. On that note, she went to milk the goats. She stomped into the barn, then led Sadie, the oldest Nubian, into the stall, grabbed a chippy stool from the counter and a stainless bucket from the sterile closet. After washing her hands, she got busy, still shaking from her dad’s commandment.

Mom was right about the lack of attraction. Dylan was kind and patient, but as hard as Hanna tried, she couldn’t bring herself to sleep with him. It was wrong to take advantage of his affection, but to have sex would be even worse. It would give him hope for a future together, and just as she’d decided to sacrifice happiness for security, Dad had put the brakes on that plan.

Now she was right back to her financial woes and bleak horizon. After insurance, books, tuition, phone, gas, and Internet service, plus business supplies, there was hardly anything left of her meager earnings. If it wasn’t for the money Blaze paid her to run errands, Hanna wouldn’t even have pocket change.

Bluebird was a great place to raise Noah, but there weren’t many job opportunities. She sniffed and stopped to swipe at her eyes, then returned to the sink to wash again, but couldn’t hold back the tears. With a deep breath, she tried to shake the blues away. Damn PMS made her a crybaby every month. Rance had brought this on. Now that he was at Dessie’s, it wouldn’t be long until his brothers showed up.

“Momma, are you crying?”

Hanna rubbed her cheeks and spun around to face her son. “No, baby. Allergies. Come give me some sugar.”

Rushing to her, Noah wrapped his arms around her thighs. She stooped to press him closer and kissed the top of his head. “Did you eat breakfast?”