Cherished (Masters and Mercenaries #7.5)(33)

“Then I’ll find it myself.” She had to be independent.

He stepped up and sighed, putting his hands on her face. “All right, I’ll back off. I thought I was helping. Part of the whole Dom sub thing is that the Dom often decides he knows what’s right and acts on it, thinking the sub will look at him like he’s some kind of hero for butting in where he shouldn’t.”

Damn it. She did need one. She’d been putting it off because she had so much to do. If he were really her boyfriend, she would likely think nothing of it, but he wasn’t staying around forever. Hell, after he met her family, he wouldn’t want to stay the extra time.

“What’s got that look on your face? Is it your family?” He leaned over and kissed her.

He was so f*cking perfect, and she was waiting for it all to fall apart because she couldn’t trust it. “I don’t think I can stay the extra week.”

He stepped back. “Why?”

He’d dropped the grin and now he stared at her in that same academic fashion he’d used before they’d signed their contract. She could feel him pulling away from her.

Maybe it was for the best. She could stay quiet and enjoy her last few days with him and then get out of the relationship with her dignity intact. She would move, naturally, because she couldn’t watch him come and go every day and not be able to touch him, but he didn’t have to know he’d broken her heart. She would also leave Sanctum and absolutely never return. She didn’t have to write BDSM books. She would stick to ménage and vanilla romance. The point was, he didn’t have to know what an idiot she was. She was going to tell him it was all about work and leave it at that.

Somehow her mouth and head weren’t in synch on this one. “It all feels settled, Will, and I know it’s not. You can amend the contract for a month and it buys me some time. I know you’re comfortable living in the moment, but I’m not built for it. I need to know where I stand.”

He leaned against the counter casually. “I told you where you stand. I want more time with you.”

“A month.” She knew she should stop, but something was pushing her. His actions told her one thing. That stupid contract said another, and she couldn’t quite reconcile the two.

“We can start with a month and see where it goes from there. I don’t understand why this bothers you. We’re just having fun.”

Did he not get it? She was on the verge of tears and she wasn’t doing that in front of him. No way. “That’s why it bothers me, Will. Exactly that. It doesn’t feel like fun. It feels serious to me. You spend every night with me. We sleep together. We eat together. We play together. For god’s sake, I’ve been wearing a butt plug for days so you can screw my ass. I don’t know how much more intimate we can get but you still say we’re just having fun.”

“What more do you want from me?” His voice went hard, frustration evident. “I’m willing to sign a contract. I’m willing to spend time with you. I’m faithful to you. What the hell else do you want?”

“I want to know we’re going to be together past the next month, damn it.”

“I can sign a contract with you and then leave you tomorrow. You understand that, right? We could get married and I could divorce you. Nothing holds me to you, Bridget. Even that contract is only a piece of paper, but I’m willing to sign it and honor it. It won’t hold me if I want to leave.”

“But love would.” She wanted to call the words back even as she said them. She was so stupid.

He groaned. “Do not throw that ridiculous word in my face. God, I thought you were more mature than that.”

She could feel her skin flushing with embarrassment, but what had he expected? “I write romance novels, Will. My whole f*cking life is about trying to find love.”

He rolled his eyes and when he stepped away, he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “And I was very explicit about what I wanted.”

She was going to lose this fight. She’d known it in the back of her head, but her stomach dropped anyway. “Yes, you wanted a couple of weeks of sex.”

“Don’t you make me into the bad guy. I haven’t f*cked you and walked away. I’ve been here with you every night I could be. I haven’t treated you with anything but respect and affection and I’m not the one trying to blow everything up over one freaking word.”

“But I love you.”

She watched as he took a deep breath and his shoulders settled. He seemed calmer when he turned.

“I’m glad, Bridget. I care about you. I don’t believe in that particular word. I think it’s something made up for greeting cards and to sell flowers, but if you believe in it then I’m glad you love me.” He walked over to her and caught her hands in his. “Baby, don’t do this over a word. What you call love, I call good teamwork. Compatibility. I am willing to admit to you that I started this relationship because I wanted to get into your bed so bad I could taste it, but I enjoy what we have. Do you have to have a declaration of love and eternal devotion to continue to spend time with me?”

So logical. He was calm and logical and it was sort of working on her. She was able to breathe. His hands were warm around hers, the steady strength of his body a real comfort to her. She was getting emotional and he was trying to ground her. Maybe he was right. Maybe they were speaking two different languages but it came to the same place.