Chasing Forever (The Forever Series #1)(61)

“I’m making it my business.”

She laughed, but it came out cold and hard just as she intended. “I stopped being your business the minute I watched you so prettily holding Olivia’s hand.” She shook her head. “How could you? After everything you promised and everything she did to me?”

His face blanched. “It wasn’t—”

She held up her hand. “You know what? I don’t want to hear your excuses.” She walked to the door and opened it. “I don’t have anything to say to you.”

“Damn it, Regan, let me talk. Give me five minutes to explain and if you’re still done with me, I’ll leave.”

Her eyes narrowed.

He held up his hands. “I promise.”

She looked at her watch. “Fine. Talk. You have five minutes.”

“I realize the dinner with Olivia didn’t look good.”

Regan rolled her eyes and then folded her arms across her chest. “No kidding.”

He rubbed his temples. “I promised to take Olivia out for her birthday weeks ago before anything happened between us.”

“Right and I promised to go to the engagement party with Parker weeks before anything happened, but you told me to cancel and I did.” Regan tapped her finger against her lips. “And I think that is around the same time you told me we were exclusive and you wouldn’t be going out with anyone else either.”

Lucas raked his hands through his hair. “I know and I meant it, but I had to explain that to Olivia in person. If I told her over the phone, I didn’t think she’d get it. I didn’t think I had any alternative.”

Ugh. She felt like pulling her hair out. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“I should have talked to you about it so we could have made the decision together.” He stepped toward her.

Bingo. “That would’ve been a start.”

He grabbed her hand and as much as she knew she should pull away, she couldn’t make her body respond. She liked the feel of his hand holding hers.

“I realize that now, but at the time I thought I was protecting you. I know how much she hurt you before, and I hate that I played a part in it. She won’t be an issue again. I promise.” His thumb started tracing slow circles on her hand.

She swallowed hard. “Don’t hide things from me. It makes it worse. You did it last time we were together and look what happened.”

“I won’t.” He pulled her into a hug. “Am I forgiven?”

Those words were exactly what she wanted to hear if she had stopped to think about it, but she couldn’t get the picture of Lucas holding Olivia’s hand out of her mind. The vision had scarred her. “Lucas, I want to believe what you’re saying.” She tilted her head back so she could see his face. “But you were holding her hand. I don’t get it. You claimed she wouldn’t be an issue anymore, but it doesn’t seem like you’re able to let her go.”

Needing space so she could think, she tried to step out of his embrace, but he pulled her closer. “It wasn’t what you’re thinking.” He kissed the top of her head. “She started crying and I felt bad. I wanted everything to be amicable. It was stupid. I was stupid.”

“Now what?” Regan asked.

“I was hoping you would forgive me.”

“No, I mean what happens with Olivia now. You may have told her she can’t be a part of your life, but what does that look like? She’s a family friend. You spend holidays together. You’ve known her your whole life.”

“I don’t know. We didn’t see each other for a year or so after college, and it wasn’t a big deal.” He shrugged. “It won’t be that hard. This is a pretty big city, and when I run into her, I don’t have to talk to her.”

“But that means avoiding things you love and, in part, avoiding your family. Are you sure you want to do that? I think you’ll eventually regret that decision.” She buried her head in his chest as the tears started to fall. She didn’t want him to choose her because of guilt, tears, or obligation. “And I can’t live with that because that would mean you regretted me and I would rather we ended this right now than live with that reality.”

His hands moved down the length of her hair repeatedly, top to bottom, in smooth even strokes, but instead of calming her, it made her more nervous. Was he waiting to tell her goodbye, touching her one more time before her broke her heart? She moved her hand under the hem of his shirt, and her fingertips drew small designs on the flat plane of his stomach. If this were the end, she wanted to remember the feel of his skin—she inhaled deeply—and his smell.

“This is important. Take some time to think about it,” she whispered as her fingers reached his chest, memorizing every contour. She’d miss him, but she could walk if she had to. She was strong even if she felt weak right now.

Bending his head, he kissed her neck, then found her ear and his warm breath set every nerve ending in her body on fire. She loved him, every little detail that made him Lucas, and a small part of her wanted to beg him to give any part of him, no matter how small or insignificant, but she wouldn’t do it. He had to decide what he wanted, and she would accept it, even if it killed her.

His lips found hers, and he kissed her softly. She closed her eyes, drinking him in, savoring him.