Chaos Theory (Nerds of Paradise #2)(48)

Inwardly, Will shook his head. Melody’s power of positive thinking—not to mention constant talking—when the situation was dire amazed him.

At the same time, he couldn’t muster up a single negative feeling toward her. It wasn’t her fault that she had a sunny disposition. In fact, it was incredibly generous of her to be chatting with him instead of trying to tear him a new one as they marched on.

It was his fault that they’d lost their food supplies. He should have stayed awake, kept watch. He should have been alert instead of wrapped up in the confused jumble of his feelings for Melody. And he definitely shouldn’t have let the mere mention of his dad throw him so far off his game.

It all came back to the same person, time and time again. The same voice yelled at him in his head that he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t smart enough. His dad was forever comparing Will to himself, and in every way, Will came up short. His dad had earned straight As all through school, while Will had to work his ass off to get a B+. But no, that wasn’t good enough. Anything sort of a 4.0 in college was a disgrace. “You’ll never be an astronaut if you don’t excel at every step of the way,” his dad railed time and time again.

The one time that Will had dared to point out that even with a laundry list of achievements, his dad still hadn’t been chosen for the astronaut program, had earned him a bloody lip. It was the first and only time his dad had ever struck him, but once was enough. Once was all it took. He’d scored straight As that one semester, made the varsity baseball team, and joined the ROTC program at his high school. And his dad’s reaction? “Maybe I should beat you more often to get results.”

Will caught his foot on a root in the underbrush and stumbled, knocking his glasses askew.

“You okay?” Melody asked, reaching out and touching his arm.

“I’m fine,” he lied, straightening his glasses. Only an idiot tripped over roots. If he was a real man, he would have been alert enough to see them under the brush and pine needles. But, of course, anyone who was loser enough to need glasses was already a failure.

“Your face is way too red, and it looks like you could cut diamonds on your jaw right now,” Melody went on.

He didn’t answer.

“And it’s not because we started walking uphill.” She wasn’t going to give up. “So tell me what’s going on in that mysterious mind of yours.”

“Nothing,” he muttered.

She laughed. “Right.”

They hiked on. Will was fairly certain he could see water glittering through the trees ahead. The stream must turn a corner a couple hundred yards in front of them. He tried to visualize where that would put them on the map.

He should have done a better job of protecting Melody. His thoughts looped right back around to the one place he didn’t want them to go. She deserved better than him. She deserved someone who would stop her food supplies from being stolen, who would be able to keep a smile on her face. She deserved someone who could shelter her in all things and love her unreservedly, not some reject who used a job as a means of running away from home.

“Okay, so if you’re not going to tell me what you’re thinking that has you so wrapped around the axel, let’s talk about something else.”

Melody lengthened her strides until she was walking beside him instead of right behind him. She reached out and took his hand. Will’s whole arm tensed, but he didn’t pull away. He should have, but he didn’t want to.

“What do you want to talk about,” he said, scanning the edge of the forest ahead of them.

“Let’s talk about your father.” There was enough teasing in her voice to betray that she knew exactly what he’d been thinking the whole time.

“Let’s not.” He pulled his hand away.

At the same time, there was something oddly comforting about having Melody know what he was thinking without him having to say a word. She reminded him of his mom that way. Or at least she reminded him of his mom when he was much younger—reminded him of the secret hugs and the lollipops she’d snagged from the bank to reward him for those B+s behind his dad’s back. Until his dad discovered all that and put an end to it.

Melody swayed closer to him and settled her hand firmly back in his. “You’re going to have to talk about it eventually,” she whispered as if it were an endearment. “Crap like that will eat you alive if you don’t work it out. I know, my dad’s a psychologist.”

Cold prickles raced down his back. She was right. He fought the terror of her words with sarcasm. “I thought your dad was a sex therapist.”

“Yeah, and a lot of intimacy issues stem from other stuff.” She chuckled, the sound wrapping itself around him and threatening to trip him up the same way roots on the forest floor would. “I would truly hate for you to have intimacy issues because of your childhood,” she went on.

He tried to pull his hand away again, but this time she caught his and held on with a death grip. It wasn’t just his hand. She had him. Her grip might as well have been on his balls. He’d have to run away again if he wanted to escape her. At least she wasn’t his father.

He took a deep breath. “My dad is a lifelong military man. He wanted to become an astronaut, but he didn’t make it. Ever since then, he’s been determined that I’ll become an astronaut so he can live vicariously through me. I’ve never wanted to be an astronaut, but Dad is a hard man to deny. He doesn’t see things, like the fact that my eyesight means I’m not a top candidate. That’s it. That’s the whole story.”