Changing Everything (Forgiving Lies #2.5)(10)

I started to lean into his touch, but then remembered why he was touching me. When it was just us there were hugs, arms slung around shoulders, and the nights we curled up with each other in one of our beds, but nothing more. When I was acting as his way out—it was everything I’d always craved from him. My few moments of deluding myself into thinking his touches meant something . . . my few moments of pretending.

And this was the last time I would have those moments.

My vision went blurry and I blinked rapidly against the stupid traitor tears that were threatening to spill down my cheeks.

“Paisley, you’re crying?” he whispered harshly, and I felt his body go still against mine. “Tell me who they are, and what they did. Now.”

The who was making me quickly lose my will to walk away, and the what was not helping by going all hero on me and holding me closer. I pushed against his chest and he responded by sliding one of his hands from my cheek to the back of my neck, bringing my face close enough that our foreheads and noses were touching.

A quick rush of air left my body and I stopped breathing for tortured moments as I realized this was the closest our lips had ever been. He doesn’t want you, Paisley. He doesn’t want you. Closing my eyes, I tried pushing against his chest again.

“Stop trying to leave,” he gritted.

“You can stop touching me, your f*ck buddy already left.”

Eli jerked back and stared at me with open shock. Using the shock to my advantage, I pushed against his strong leg and had made it two steps away from him when he caught my arm and swung me back to him.

“Pay—”

“Let me go!”

The bar was loud enough that only a couple of our friends who had been sitting near him had heard me. But in that moment, it wouldn’t have mattered if an entire city heard me yell that at him, or no one at all. I wanted to take it back. The hurt that tore through those blue eyes I loved so much caused an ache to rip through my chest, worse than the one I’d already been battling.

Instinct told me to ask him to forgive me . . . I couldn’t stand the thought of him being mad at me or hurting because of something I’d done. But survival kicked in and took forefront. Because of my pathetic excuse for a backbone, he had been unknowingly hurting me since we were thirteen years old, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

I needed to stop waiting around for him to fall in love with me too.

I needed to stop letting him have this control over me.

I needed to start living for me. Not for Eli Jenkins.

Wrenching my arm free from his grasp, I turned and fled from the bar. I’d just opened the door to my car when Eli’s hand slapped down on the glass and slammed it shut.

“What was that, Paisley?” Before I could respond, he was talking again. “You know I don’t give a shit if Laura was still there or not. If you’re upset and about to start crying—you’re all that matters. You’re my best friend, if something’s going on with you, then you have my full attention. I’d already completely forgotten about her by the time you picked up my beer.”

I hated and loved that Eli wasn’t the kind of guy to yell. He’d always had a calmness about him, even in the most stressful of situations. To see him go off meant that whatever was wrong was wrong in an epic sort of way. But that didn’t mean he didn’t get mad. And I’d been around him long enough to pick out his emotions. It was all in his eyes and the deepness of his voice—and right now, Eli was hurt and pissed off. Knowing that, and seeing his calm exterior, was worse than just having him yell at me.

“Now I don’t know why the f*ck you just went off on me, but tell me right now what happened to put you in the mood you’re in.”

“Language,” I chastised softly.

Placing his closed fist under my chin, he tilted my head back until I was looking in those hypnotic eyes again. “Paisley, you don’t cry for anything. Tell me who hurt you.”

You. It’s always been you. Tears continued to fill my eyes as I opened my car door again.

A broken exhale left him when I stepped away and climbed into my car. “Why won’t you tell me? You tell me everything. When did that change?”

When I realized I’ve been— And that’s when it hit me. Eli wasn’t hurting me. I’d been hurting myself by waiting for something I knew would never happen. I’d been hurting myself by allowing him to put us in this position.

Looking over at my best friend, and the man who had held my heart for twelve years, I wiped away tears and answered simply, “Tonight.”

August 30, 2013

Eli

I HUNG UP and threw the phone against the recliner before falling onto my sofa. What the hell was happening? Paisley and I usually didn’t go more than a day without talking, and that was if we were busy. It’d been a week since the night at O’Malley’s and she hadn’t returned any of my calls or texts. If it hadn’t been for Jason saying she was with Kristen last night, I would have already filed a missing persons report for her.

Raking my hands through my hair, I held them there as I thought back to that night. I didn’t even know how to explain what had happened with her. One second we’re watching the game and I’m trying not to pass out from exhaustion, the next she’s downing my Guinness, trying her hardest not to cry, and yelling and cussing at me.