Changing Course (Wrecked and Ruined #1)(42)

"After that, I let her move out and it actually helped a lot. I think not being forced to deal with her issues with me calmed her down a good bit. I basically just let her live in denial. She doesn't face any of her issues, but she doesn't try to kill herself either."

It isn’t until Brett pauses that I realize, I had been holding my breath while he spoke. My heart actually hurts for him, but I don't know what I could possibly do to help. It sounds like Sarah isn't the only one not dealing with their issues.

"So listen to me, Jess. I am an idiot for phrasing it the way I did when I told you I lost Sarah. But you have to understand, I never lied to you. Never. Not once. That is not the way I'm wired. I tell the truth even when you don't want to hear it, and you probably aren't going to want to hear what I have to say next."

He leans into me forcing my eyes to lock with his, "I go to Sarah's apartment every Thursday night. I take her favorite dinner and spend time with the evil woman who now inhabits her body. I've been doing this for years. She doesn't like it when I show up. I've never quite been able to figure out why she hates me the way she does, because before she changed, we were more than happy together. We were perfect."

He's right, I don't want to hear this. My mind is spinning. I can't figure out if I should believe him. What's worse is that I no longer want to believe him. What he is telling me now is almost more disastrous than the things Sarah told me earlier. If he is a liar and cheat, I can walk away with no guilt of my own. But I have no idea how to deal with the idea that he might still be in love with the living, breathing ghost of his wife.

"Is she still in love with you?" It surprises me that this is the first question that pops out of my mouth. I’m too scared to ask what I really want to know: is he still in love with her?

"No. Tonight I told her I met someone. She deserved to know, and honestly, I thought she would throw a party in celebration. She has been asking for a divorce since she first came home from the hospital. However, when I told her about you, she flipped her lid. The phone call tonight had way more to do with me not giving her a divorce, which she has so desperately wanted for years, than it did about her feelings for me.

“I've fought her every step of the way about the divorce. I feel like I have a responsibility to take care of her. I owe it to my old Sarah, not to turn my back on her, regardless that this new person has turned her back on me.

"She doesn't work, and she lives off the settlement from the auto insurance company. She’s completely alone. Slowly over the years, she has closed herself off to everyone. She doesn't speak to any of her friends or family. Every week she lets me in, and it's silly, but even just that simple act makes me believe that somewhere deep inside is my wife. She spends the entire night abusing me, reinforcing that my Sarah really is gone. Yet week after week, I return. I think after tonight I'm done, though." He stops talking, I can almost see a decision being made and a weight lift from his shoulders.

"Did she do that to your lip?"

"Yes. She was pretty pissed. After she hit me, I took off before things could escalate. That's how she ended up with my phone. I left it sitting on the counter. Jesus, I'm so sorry you had to put up with all of this tonight. Please, Jess, I don't want to stand here for another minute without kissing you. I've had a shit night and I'd love to forget it with you. When I'm with you, the world goes silent." His last words make my heart stop. I feel the silence, too, but I'm nowhere near ready to forget.

"Brett, I'm really confused right now. I don't know what, or who I should believe. I need some time alone to think.”

"Can you please tell me what poison she injected into your brain? I can't be your anti-venom if I don't know what she bit you with tonight." Crap. He's right. I don't know if I believe him, or if I will ever be able to trust him again. But I have just enough belief in his words and hope in my heart to make me tell him everything.

"She told me she was your wife, and she loves you, but you have a wandering eye. Your apartment is just to save you the commute home when you work late. You have two children, and they suffer the most from your infidelities. Oh, and she asked me if we had slept together." I can’t help but look down at my feet, partially embarrassed, but predominately terrified of how he is going to respond. Which parts are true, which parts are lies?

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him reach up and grab the bridge of his nose. He takes in a quick breath before closing his eyes for a second, then snatching up my beer bottle hurling it across the room. I've seen Brett mad before, and I've seen the angry ogre, but I just witnessed this man go nuclear.

Stunned by his violent outburst, I instinctively take a step away from him and push my hands up between us to keep him from following my retreat.

"You're scaring me," I choke out before my throat closes, blocking any further words. This seems to snap out of it, and his face flashes shame before he starts to apologize.

"Shit! Come here, gorgeous. I'm sorry." But I can't move. I stand staring at him as his mood drastically changes directions, yet again.

"Can we talk about this tomorrow? Please, just let me have some time."

"Okay,” he answers resigned. "Let me explain something first. Jess, I have been living in a fog. I can't tell you that this will work out between us. Hell, after tonight, I'm not sure if this isn't already ruined. I'm a mess. I'm angry half the time and a miserable bastard the other half. You're a good girl who deserves someone who can open themselves up and actually offer you something. You deserve more than I can probably ever give you. I don't know if I can handle even saying the word forever again.