Capturing Peace (Sharing You 0.5)(33)
“So instead you pushed me away?”
I shot up off the couch and turned around to see Coen standing in Keegan’s kitchen, his face livid.
“Oh God,” I whispered, and placed a hand on my sensitive stomach. I was going to throw up . . . or faint. I just couldn’t figure out which.
“Instead of letting it all play out . . . instead of letting me surprise you, you took all that away from me. You made my decision for me because you were so sure I would leave when I heard that?”
“It hasn’t even been two weeks, Coen! Not even two weeks with Parker and he wants you to be his dad. You can’t tell me that doesn’t freak you out.”
He laughed and lifted his hands in the air before letting them drop to his sides. “Well, according to you, that’s exactly what it does. It freaks me out and makes me want to run.”
“What twenty-four-year-old wants to suddenly become a father to a six-year-old?” I argued, and flung my arm in the direction of the room Parker and Erica were in.
Coen’s eyebrows slammed down and his eyes narrowed. “I can’t think of many,” he said darkly before walking to the back of the couch and resting his hands on the top of it. “But tell me this. What guy goes into a relationship with a single mother and doesn’t factor her kid into that relationship?”
Crossing my arms, I met his dark stare and laughed humorlessly. “A lot, actually.”
“Yeah. A lot of *s who don’t care about the most important thing in their girlfriend’s life. And if that’s how you view me, then you were right to end this,” he said, and waved his hand between us. “Because that means you don’t know me at all. Well, apparently you do since you knew without a doubt I would run away from you,” he sneered.
“And you’re telling me you wouldn’t? You’re telling me one day you wouldn’t leave?” I nearly yelled, and covered my mouth when I realized that I was. Looking back over to Keegan, I realized he wasn’t in the room anymore and I wasn’t sure if I was glad for that or not.
“I don’t know, Reagan. People date, they break up. Others date and get married. Who knows what would’ve happened between us?”
“That’s it!” I flung my hand out toward him before bringing it back to rub at my forehead. “That’s exactly it. There is a very real possibility that we would’ve broken up anyway, and Parker was getting too attached as it was. If I had let our relationship go on, only for it to end months or years down the road . . . it would crush him. This is why I don’t let men into our lives.”
“No, it’s because you’re f*cking scared!” he yelled, and I jumped back. “I get not wanting to have a bunch of guys coming in and out of his life. I get that, and I think you’re right in not wanting that for him. But you’re not giving yourself the chance to be with someone, and you’re not giving Parker the chance to ever have a dad because the first guy in six years who you’ll give the time of day, you push away after only a couple weeks.”
“I’m protecting him!” I gritted out.
“Yeah, you’re protecting him. There are also people who put their kids in plastic bubbles because they don’t want them to get sick. Are you gonna do that too?”
“Do not belittle me for the way I am living and have raised my son!”
The anger slowly left Coen’s face, leaving only pain. “You’re an amazing mom. There’s no questioning that,” he said gruffly as he rounded the couch and walked toward me until he had me backed up against a wall. “But you’re scared of getting hurt, and you’re terrified Parker will get hurt as the result. I get it. I swear to God I get it.”
I shook my head and tried to steady my quivering jaw. He couldn’t understand. No one—unless they were in my situation—could understand.
“You’re right, Reagan. Actually being a father hasn’t crossed my mind. And, no, I don’t know how I would have reacted if Parker had asked me if he could call me that; but I know it wouldn’t have made me bolt for the door. Because I knew he came with you. And you? God, woman, you f*cking know how to piss me off . . . but that doesn’t stop me from wanting you so damn bad. But I do know this. I know that your son is the coolest f*cking kid I’ve ever met. I know that last night was the best night of my life. The whole night, not just after Parker went to bed. I know that I want a lot more nights just like it. And I know that what did freak me out, was the thought of not having it again when you were telling me it was over this morning.”
“Coen . . .” I swallowed roughly and looked away when his thumb brushed against my jaw. “I’m trying to save all of us a lot of hurt down the road. This can’t work between us.”
“How do you figure? Because last night and this morning, I could’ve sworn you were thinking the opposite.”
My cheeks heated and I tried to push away the memories that kept assaulting me from our time together. “Almost all of our conversations begin with arguments. Have you realized that?”
“Yeah,” he said without missing a beat. “And how have all of those arguments ended? Just like this one. With you in my arms, and with you fighting what you want.”
“That’s not something to be proud of, Coen. It can’t be healthy for people in a relationship to have most their conversations start as fights. What if Parker starts catching on to that? And I don’t willingly go into your arms, you always back me up against something so I don’t have any other option!”