Candle in the Attic Window(14)

I look at each face in the backgrounds, at the tiny details of each body. I look in each crack, corner and crevice. There, I find more people, more figures. Doing things I never even thought possible. And I see them stare back at me. All those eyes. Staring right back at me. One of them, I realize, is Alisandre. Just as I pictured her. She wears bits and pieces of chain mail, rubbing coldly against her exposed and naked flesh.

That is not the Prince of Butterflies above her. It is a man. And he sings. And she howls in pain. Staring at me. Pleading for me to come and help her.

I’m covered in goosebumps.

I feel hot, dizzy. Aroused. I slam the book shut. Before things get out of control. It would be a terrible thing if someone were to walk into the biology lab and see me masturbating amongst all of the scientific corpses.

I wrap up the book, carefully. The leather like skin, caressing my hands. I remember the shadow of Mister Harvey’s hands and I feel odd. I’m not sure what I want, anymore. If anything is what it really seems to be.

I want to read more in Stone Dogs. But I don’t have the time. The bell is about to ring. I can feel it, vibrating in the air. Like storm clouds pregnant with snow.





Friday: Art Class





Mrs. Willow Tree stands in front of us. She is covered from head to toe in leaves and mud. This is her winter coat. She tells us in a commanding voice that she will be back momentarily. She is going out to brave the snow. To rescue our sculptures from the kiln.

She has a rusted sword strapped over her back. She is a knight. The Knight of Trees. She will need it when the giants come for her. I only hope that she can stand on her own. It is brave for her to do this.

After she leaves, the boys in the class pull out the slide projector. They turn it on, pulling up the naked pictures from yesterday. They spin and look at me. Look at the two other girls from class. The other girls are a little thinner than me, with curved beak noses. My nose is small, button shaped, and twitches when I get nervous.

The boys crowd around. They have red-lit eyes. Hair like black fur. They remind me of the wolfkin in Iblio. A race of men whose parents slept with wolves, and begat half-breeds.

One howls.

“Come on, girls. We are all alone. It’s time to show us your inner secrets.”

They crowd around. Claustrophobic.

I want to run. I turn to look at the exit. Wide open. Ready for escape. I hope the bell rings soon, to give me a distraction.

I see the other girls. The bird girls. They look down at the ground, shyly, sadly. They pull straps down. Bras off. I see them undress and my breath is caught.

They are beautiful and sacred and scared.

The wolfkin are enrapt.

I run, run, run, rabbit-run out the door.

They cannot follow me. They are trapped by the gaze of naked flesh.





Friday: The Rooms Between Floors





I’m still shaken from Art Class. And I have this strange feeling that I survived something. That I got away before something terrible happened. I don’t like to think about that. I don’t want to wonder what happened to the crow girls. Class seems unimportant now.

Nagitsune was right – why should I worry about going to class when the world is going to end? I skip out on American History and run off to look for Geoff. I know about the secret places. The places he goes to when no one is looking.

He calls it his “cutting room”.

It is one of the rooms between floors.

There is a secret into getting between the floors. Most people don’t know about it. The janitor showed Geoff the way. One that had a crush on him. I think Geoff wanted to reciprocate, but was afraid. Afraid of himself.

You don’t use the stairs to get to the rooms between floors. You look for a green tile on the ceiling. All of the other tiles are dark blue. When you see it, you stand beneath it and close your eyes.

And you concentrate on the sound of the ocean.

Holding your breath.

Still, so still.

If you do it correctly, you will feel water around you. Do not panic. Do not move. Let the water flow around you, caress you. You feel dizzy, your lungs burning. But don’t let go – don’t breathe just yet. You wait for the water to cover you completely.

And then -

It stops.

You can breathe and it feels like fire.

When you open your eyes, you are in the cutting room. One of the rooms between floors.

I follow the ritual carefully. It is hard to do. I am frightened and want to run. Instead, I think, I flow. I let the water come and wash me away.

I was right. Geoff is here. He lies in the corner of the room. The walls are covered in posters, the only light a single candle in the middle of the floor. It is cramped in here – low ceiling. Stoop down to see everything.

Someone is with Geoff. He is curled up around someone. They turn and look at me, naked beneath a blanket. It smells like the ocean. I see Nogitsune and I sit down, mouth open. I did not expect to see him here.

“Hi,” Geoff says shyly. “Did you know the world is going to end?”

I see new cuts. Across his chest. Nogitsune is asleep on Geoff’s chest. I see cuts across Nogitsune’s back.

“Yes,” I say. “It’s been ending for a long time now.”

Geoff runs his hand over Nogitsune’s naked back. I feel a pang of jealousy. It feels odd, bitter in my mouth. I should have seen this coming, but did not. “When did he come up here with you?”