Caged in Darkness (Caged #1)(30)

He sighed. “That’s not the part of the night I want to talk about and you know it.” When I stared in confusion, he moved forward to stand in front of my bed. He leaned over and placed one hand on the footboard of the bed and the other around the pole.

“You’re going to stay in denial then?”

“Denial, about what? Stop being cryptic and just tell me what you mean!” I couldn’t figure out what he was talking about. I racked my mind thinking about past few nights and the only things I could think of were the fight with Liam and my sleepwalking.

“The kiss.” He growled more than spoke.

My mouth widened in surprise. “How did you find out that Liam kissed me? Did I talk in my sleep or something?”

“He what?” Ashes eyes blazed until they looked like fire pits and his hands tightened on the bedpost.

“Oh, you didn’t know? That what kiss are you talking about?”

“Ours.” If I was shocked before, I was now astounded.

“We haven’t kissed.” My hands began to lightly shake when I remembered my dream from the other night. It was right smack in the middle between my nightly reminder of my past and the visit from the demon.

“We kissed the other night when you woke up from your nightmare.” He blew air out and his eyes lightened. His hand brushed through his hair and a short laugh escaped his lip. “Figures. I spend all this time fighting my need to kiss you and when I finally give in, you don’t even remember!” He moved backwards to sit in the chair near my desk. He leaned his elbows on his knees and covered his face with his hands.

My heart broke. I thought the kiss had been a dream and now I find out I really kissed Ash. I wasn’t certain how I felt about it, but I could see that he was shaken. I moved forward, knelt down, and pulled his hands from his face.

“I thought it was a dream. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s my own stupid fault.” He stood suddenly and almost knocked me over in the process. I darted towards the door and flung it open.

I followed quickly behind him. “Ash just listen to me. It’s okay. I’m not angry and it’s my fault too.”

He stopped suddenly on the stairs and turned to face me. His crimson eyes settled on mine and I saw that the veins surrounding his eyes were blazing red. He wasn’t angry; he was furious.

“Your fault too, huh? So, why is it okay for you to kiss me in your dreams, but not when you’re awake?” His fangs lengthened, which only occurred when he was threatened or the one doing the threatening.

“That’s not what I meant. I only meant that you kissed me and I kissed you back. I just didn’t want you to be angry with yourself.” I tried to touch his face, but he grabbed my wrist in an iron grip.

“Yes, you did. Why did you?” His smile turned mocking.

“Why did I kiss you back?” How was I supposed to answer that? I started panicking.

He used his grip on my wrist to pull me down the steps, until I was on the step before him. “I don’t know. I was scared and I needed you.”

“You needed me? Did you need Liam too? Or are you just going to start making a habit of kissing all the men in your life?”

That pulled me back. I was shocked and hurt by his accusation. However, I was mostly horrified by the realization that Ash was pulling away from me. I could see the connection between us shattering. It was a bridge I relied on ever since I came to live with him and Maye. I knew I didn’t make it easy for people in my life. Ash had always been my safety net. He made me feel safe and the natural bond between us saved my life. He was the one person I could not live without.

“It’s not like that. I don’t know what is happening between me and Liam. What happened between me and you was different.” Ash let go of my wrist and turned to leave. “No, don’t go!” Tears welled in my eyes and began to fall. Ash looked up to see them and his face drastically altered.

He moved back to his previous position and tilted my chin to brush away my tears. “That’s not fair. You know I can’t stand to see you cry.” His voice became a soft melody.

“I love you. I don’t want to lose you.” I grabbed his face and pulled it to mine. He tried to pull away from my kiss, but I protested. “Let me try.” His original protest evaporated at the touch of my lips. He ground his to mine and turned to push my back against the wall.

I had issues with claustrophobia, but with Ash, I was fine. He melded his body to mine and I pushed to be closer still. Feelings I never acknowledged came to the surface to break free. A low growl came from deep in his chest and he grasped my thighs to pull me higher. I wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed harder. I moaned, and he stilled.

I opened my eyes to see him staring at me. “Are you kissing me because you want to or because you’re afraid you’ll lose me?”

My mind was foggy and it took a few minutes to process what he asked. During that time, Ash lowered me to the ground and let go of my thighs. He put some distance between us. “Well?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I enjoy kissing you, but I never really thought about you in that way before. I didn’t know it was an option.”

He groaned. “Okay, well now you know.” He smiled, and leaned towards my face. Instinctively, I raised my face to meet his kiss, but he moved away to kiss my forehead. “Let me know when you figure out what you want.” He pushed away from the wall and jogged down the steps.