Caged by Damnation (Caged #2)(8)

"I can't take it anymore!" My voice startled me. It held steel and determination, which didn't make sense since my mouth was moving faster than my thoughts. Words burst forth at such a fast pace, that my mind failed to keep up.

"You two are driving me insane!"

Liam and Ash looked at me with shocked expressions, but remained quiet.

I gestured to Liam, "I was never in love with you. Yes, Asmodeus possessed you, but the only emotions I had with you were physical. This whole avoiding me thing that you have going on, it needs to stop. We kissed. We went on a few dates. Who cares? I sure as hell don't. I'm pretty sure that only your mother cares about that one, and considering your deception, I think your treatment of me has been pretty crummy."

"Um ..." Liam began to speak, but I held my hand to silence him.

"I am not done." His mouth closed and he looked at Ash when my body angled in his direction. "I love you. I don't know if that love is as a friend, brother, or something more, but I love you. You are killing me. You're cold, distant, and you don't seem to care about me one bit!" I paused to see if he had anything to say in response to my accusations, but he merely gave me an unwavering stare.

Tears fell before I could suppress them. "I'm alone. Do you get that? Does anyone get that?" I looked to the ceiling, hoping some higher power would emerge and fix all of my problems.

"I am in hell. It's not just when I sleep, but now it's when I am awake. I would rather spend eternity in a nightmare of my past than continue to face this living hell you have created. I used to barricade myself behind a wall inside myself, but one day I learned to trust you. You're my wall now. I need you and if you don't want to be part of my life anymore...." I covered my mouth, scared to say the next words. "If you don't care about me anymore, make it a clean cut, because I can't survive much more than I already have."

Liam shifted awkwardly. "Man, I'm sorry. Savannah, I was just trying to make everything easy for you. It was weird being possessed by a demon." He stood and walked over, brushed the tears hanging from my chin and looked me in the eyes. "I'm a jerk."

A short laugh escaped me. "Yeah, you are."

His lips lifted to the right with a hesitant smile, but it made me feel better. "I'm no good at friendships and I think I am even worse with relationships. I don't even know what to call this."

"You don't have to define it. I just want to be friends. I want to forget about your mother, the possession, and all the crazy physical stuff. I just want to start over." My head leaned into his chest and he pulled me close.

"I think I can do that, but I think your real problem is with the guy sitting on that sofa."

I groaned and moved away to look at Ash, who was staring in the opposite direction.

"I'm going. You guys should talk." When he reached the door, he turned back with a painful expression, "The next time we hang out, can we please do something that doesn't involve a demon?"

I laughed and waited for him to leave before facing Ash. The clock ticked in my head and I was sure that at least ten minutes passed before he finally turned to me. His eyes were soft and his mouth lax.

"I don't want to hurt you." Those words, as simple as they were, tore me apart inside.

"How do you think you'll hurt me? I mean, I don't think it's possible to hurt more than I already am." Unconsciously, I reached towards him, but his shudder stopped me.

"S, I can't be the guy you want me to be. We can't just go back in time and fix things. I can't go back." He stood with his head bowed and his rosewood colored hair hung in his eyes. He grimaced. "Of course I care. I just can't ... I just can't! Can you understand that? I'm not that guy anymore. Everything that has happened, it didn't just change our futures, but it changed who I am and who I can be with you."

"Oh." I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood to keep myself from begging. How could I ask anything of him? "Okay. I understand. We'll just be two people who live together and that's it."

"S, I...." He moved forward, but I turned and raced through the door. I didn't stop until I reached the center of town and sat on a boulder near the altar.

I unleashed my tears. My soul screamed and I wanted nothing more than to leave this world. If I could take Willow's place, I would. I would be free. I could escape. I wouldn't have to face everything I had lost.

"Uh, you okay?" Startled, I looked to the left and saw Griffin. His hair was ruffled and he looked tired, but worried. "You need someone to talk to? Or I could … I could just leave you be. You probably want to be alone." He backed away.

"Wait." His footsteps halted. "I could use some company. I mean, unless you hate me too?"

Was I really so desperate that even Griffin's company was a relief? Izzy tended to stay with Willow lately, and Willow never wanted to be bothered. Even the few minutes I’d spent talking to Isis the day before had been enjoyable.

"I don't really want to be alone. I just don't know if I want to talk." I held my breath. Griffin had hated me until he’d learned about the situation with Asmodeus. Since then, he had held a reluctant respect around me, and didn't seem irritable. Maybe he was lonely too?

Griffin moved over to the boulder on the opposite side of the circle, facing me. "You don't need to talk. I just don't have anything better to do and, considering your tears, I'm guessing you could use some company."