Caged by Damnation (Caged #2)(45)

In the moment, I had forgotten that they didn't know the details of my previous visions, or that Asmodeus had a habit of popping up in them. They didn't realize he was merely a specter rather than a literal being. He was dead, but I had just made it sound as if he had come back to life.

"It's not like I wanted to fade away into a world where he exists."

Ash's shudder made me regret my words. We all knew who he was, and I wasn’t the only one who had a right to complain that Asmodeus was lingering around the fringes of my mind.

I quickly explained about the visions, and that Josephine had assured me that Asmodeus was a product of my mind; he wasn't real. Hearing that, everyone seemed to relax and Izzy unclenched her nails from my arm.

I told Ash in hushed tones about what I had seen in my most recent vision. His eyes narrowed, the fire gone from them, while he considered our conversation. After hearing Asmodeus's name, he had placed space between us and his expression had become guarded.

Isis spoke, backing away towards the door. "Are we just going to stand around while you guys whisper, or are we supposed to do something? This place gives me the creeps. So, if we aren't going to actually start looking, I think I'd like to go."

She shot Izzy hesitant glances, but halted when a resounding hiss met her words. "Okay, then. I guess I'm staying." It was almost comical how terrified Isis was of Izzy, afraid to look at her, and yet unable to look away.

Isis reminded me of Willow with sports. If an object came flying towards Willow, she knew she was supposed to catch it, but her hands would remain paralyzed at her sides. She would watch the ball, waiting for the impact, knowing that it would hurt, but rather than cower, she would face it head-on because she wasn't programmed to look away.

Isis was more afraid of what Izzy might do when she wasn't looking than what she might witness if her eyes remained fastened on her. I wasn't sure if she was brave or foolish. Though, I supposed Izzy would have driven everyone mad with her telepathic communication if Isis dared leave, and even I wanted to avoid that. Apparently, phoenixes were quite demanding.

"If you have a problem with standing around, why don't you make yourself useful?" Griffin snapped at Isis, obviously irritated with her complaints. Glancing away from the papers he was shuffling around, he winked at me. "I think Savannah has been through enough without having to deal with your incessant crabbiness."

Isis harrumphed, moving away from Griffin and towards some bookshelves to browse the books.

"Wait." I grabbed Ash's arm, looking inward and remembering my last sight of Asmodeus.

"What? Ignore her, she'll get over it. She's just going to sulk for a while."

Ash spoke offhand. He hadn't noticed the determined look in my eyes or the smile that lit up my face, but Izzy and Liam had.

Izzy followed my gaze to the top of the center bookcase, and Liam dragged a chair over. Ash remained still as I hurried forward. Jumping onto the chair, I stretched to see the top of the case, looking for the book Asmodeus had shown me. Liam's hands circled my waist, helping me keep my balance, while shooting Ash a guilty look.

"Maybe I should do that.... " Liam's voice trailed off. I shook my head. I needed to look for myself. I was too short to see anything, but used my hands to feel around for any object that might have been left behind. I uncovered mountains of dust and what I thought might be mouse droppings, but no book.

I sighed dejectedly. "It's not here."

Hopelessness swarmed over me, clinging to the tinges of optimism I had left, devouring it. Griffin and Isis peered up at me with disappointed expressions. Ash's face contained stone willpower, as if he refused to process my lack of success. Liam's hands had left my waist and he leaned against the bookcase, staring up at me with a casual attitude. Suddenly, it seemed foolish to follow random clues left for us by a telepathic phoenix and the ghostly remnants of Asmodeus that resided in my subconscious. What had I expected to happen?

"I'm sorry, Iz. There isn't anything here." The defeat in my voice was joined by exhaustion. Izzy's eyes flashed in irritation or anger, I couldn't be sure and right then; I just wanted to curl up on my hospital bed and forget the whole experience.

Izzy's soft alabaster neck began to spasm, generating a soft buzzing noise. Her wings swiped outward, cutting through the furniture nearest to her and toppling over file cabinets. She paced the floor, allowing her wings to smack into everything in her path, not caring about the destruction or who might hear her.

"Izzy, I'm sorry. I don't know what else I am supposed to do!" I shouted, not in anger, but in fear, exhaustion, and guilt. I felt like I was running around blind, being led by an infant's cries and interpreting their meaning incorrectly.

I leaned my forehead against the rough surface of a shelf's edge. Tears streaming down my face, I was ashamed to look anyone in the eye. It was too overwhelming to deal with right then, in the face of death, a demon, my bizarre visions, and the attack at my home. It was all too much!

I slipped slowly into my memories, piecing parts of my life together, trying to make sense of it all. A collage of good, bad, and horrible experiences shook through my will, disintegrating and repairing, but mostly succeeding at making me depressed. I yearned for the moments of my life when I had been truly happy, and shied from the monumental amount of memories I would like to forget. I felt like a failure, adrift in a tide that swept everything around it into chaos.