Burning Glass (Burning Glass #1)(61)
“The Romska trade those horses every summer at Orelchelm,” I said, feeling the need to back Valko, as if a kind gesture could erase all my sins.
Floquart’s brows darted up. I realized too late I’d surely broken a rule of etiquette by trespassing upon their conversation. He squinted one eye at me, and my cheeks burned with a rush of self-consciousness. I hoped it didn’t belong to Valko, that he wasn’t ashamed I’d spoken. If so, he would have heated words with me later—maybe more. My back still twinged with pain from the violence of his last kiss.
The emperor craned his head around to look at me. My gaze flickered to the tendons on his neck, taut like Nadia’s had been when I’d locked her in the east wing of the convent. Had part of me wanted Nadia to die? How often had I imagined strangling her myself and smirked at the thought of her open-eyed, dead stare. Yuliya and I had laughed as we’d joked about it. I should have known those secret and murderous thoughts would build until I dared one day to do something reckless about them. I just didn’t realize how many lives that would cost me.
I flinched when Floquart spoke. “What does a young Auraseer know of the gypsies?” he asked. “Didn’t you spend your life in the convent at Ormina?”
My heart hammered as I tried to shake away another flood of horrible thoughts. I refused to look at Valko, for fear he would see the guilt in my countenance. It took me a moment to remember what we were talking about: I had told the emissary where the Romska traded spotted horses. “My brother has a fascination for horses,” I replied. “He wrote letters.” A lie. I had an older brother, but he had died when the Abdarans raided my hometown of Bovallen five years ago. Or so the Romska had told me. I couldn’t remember my brother’s face, either.
The emissary studied me a moment. His gaze dropped to where my shoulder pressed against the emperor’s throne. He turned a scrutinizing look on Valko, as if amazed he tolerated my close proximity. Perhaps Valko shouldn’t, not with someone like me.
Again, that self-consciousness, that shame and darkness, churned in my belly. I locked my jaw and struggled to prevent another wave of destructive thoughts.
At length, Floquart pursed his lips and fluffed the lace spilling out from the hem of his sleeve. “I trust your laws are severe in regard to the gypsies,” he remarked to the emperor. “They’re a loathsome people, always begging, always on the move. A plague to civilization. Why, Estengarde put quite a number to death a few years ago when their tribes multiplied beyond reason.”
I stared at him in horror. Bile rose in my throat, and my dismal remembrances were forgotten. “How inconvenient for you,” I bit out.
Oblivious to my anger, the emissary sighed and shook his head. “Indeed, it was inconvenient.”
I dug my fingernails into my palms, sensing his false and barren compassion.
“But to maintain order, a kingdom—an empire, I dare say,” he added to Valko, “the monarchy must be prepared to wrestle with such decisions and make the choice for the greater good, whether that means thinning the gypsies . . . or even abolishing harlotry.” He wrinkled his nose at me. “It is widely known our Esten ladies prize fidelity in a partner above all else.”
I recoiled, both confused and affronted. Was he insinuating I was a harlot? What roles did the Auraseers in Estengarde play that I wasn’t aware of?
I was a breath away from telling him what I thought of his greater good, his butchered ideals, and his disrespect to me, when Valko abruptly stood. “Shall I show you our treasury, Monsieur de Bonpré?”
Floquart blinked, but recovered quickly from his surprise. I didn’t hide mine. What was the emperor doing? Wouldn’t he defend me? “Thank you,” the emissary said as he rose and gave his coattails a straightening flick.
I pulled myself to my feet, my body rigid, already dreading the hour I was to spend with them. It was all I could do not to scratch out the emissary’s eyes.
“Sonya, you stay behind.” Valko’s voice was firm, as was his grip on my arm when I tried to advance. Floquart’s gaze riveted to where to the emperor and I touched.
“But—” I said, eyes flashing at the emissary, “I am your protector.”
“Then protect me from here.” Valko gritted his teeth. He spun away and descended the dais. Floquart tossed me a grim smile as he fell in tow.
I crossed my arms and watched the emissary leave, all the while struggling to contain my boiling fury. Condoner of slaughter. Callous fop. All manner of silent curses filled me until I was fit to burst. Why was Valko angry with me for being insulted? His pretty speech before the ball had made me feel revered. Why hadn’t he stood up for me when Floquart essentially called me a whore?
As Valko and the emissary retreated through the great doors of the ballroom, the orchestra went silent and the nobles faced the emperor and bowed. Several Esten and Riaznian guards followed behind the two men. I paced back and forth. At least the emperor would have some level of protection. Not that I cared. Perhaps it was better this way. For all the tortuous thoughts I was having, some time away from Valko might be best.
When the last of Floquart’s entourage swept away, my gaze fell upon a young Esten girl, close to my age. She wasn’t dressed in the pale silks of her fellow countrymen. Instead, she wore a simple black dress that did nothing to complement her sallow complexion. Her dreary countenance and sunken eyes were just as distressing. In her favor, however, she had a lovely shade of auburn hair, which helped me see how pretty she would be if she smiled or showed some spark of vitality.