Bring Me Back(97)

Once we’re all situated, we begin our walk. I’ve discovered living in an apartment in the downtown area has its perks. I’m close to several coffee shops and restaurants, a convenience store, and even some clothing shops. It’s nice to be able to get out and have so much within walking distance.

The late summer sun blazes down on us, but there’s a slight wind to keep us cool.

“This is nice,” Ryder says.

Ava lets out a noise and I laugh. “I think she agrees with you. Don’t you?” I say in my overly high-pitched baby talking voice.

That voice has taken over my life.

We walk around without much of an agenda but we end up at the park. Ryder sets Cole down so he can go play on the jungle gym while the two of us take a seat on the bench. I grab Ava from the stroller and she wiggles in my arms.

Ryder stretches one arm behind me, his fingers grazing my shoulder.

“We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?” he asks, shielding his face from the sun.

“We have,” I agree.

I think back to those first weeks and months. It was the worst time of my life and I thought I would never get better. I thought it would take a miracle to bring me back to the person I was.

I was wrong.

It didn’t take a miracle.

All it took was me.

I brought myself back from the brink of demise.

The people around me, they helped, but I had to do it on my own. I had to accept Ben’s death in order to truly move on and accept happiness back into my life. He’ll always be with me, though, living on in my heart, in our daughter, and in the paper cranes.

As if conjured by magic, I spot a paper crane on a park bench several yards to our right.

“Is that …?” I begin.

Ryder sees it and stands. “It is.” He grins.

My heart skips a beat. I know there’s no way it’s one from Ben—it has to be from a Group member or some other random person who’s picked up on The Paper Crane Project—but it still feels like it’s a sign from him.

“Go get it,” I tell Ryder as Ava lets out a little cry. Ryder jogs over to the bench and swipes the purple paper crane before returning. He sits back down and I nudge him with my arm. “Open it, please,” I beg.

He unfolds it and holds it out so I can read.

When your nights seem endless, know that the sun will always shine again.

My throat catches. The words describe the last few months perfectly—an endless night, but the sun finally rose again and bathed my world in a brilliant light.





FIVE YEARS LATER…

“Ava, careful! Don’t hit your brother!” I scold when Ava whacks Cole over the head with a plastic softball bat.

“Ow!” Cole cries, rubbing the top of his head. “That’s not nice!”

“You brokeded my Barbie!” she yells back, drawing the bat back to hit him again.

“Whoa, whoa, what’s going on in here?” Ryder asks, breezing into the room with our fussy three-month-old son, Wyatt, in his arms. “What’s wrong, birthday girl?” He bends down to Ava’s level.

“Coley brokeded my doll!” Crocodile tears coat her face.

“Aw, I’m sure he didn’t mean to,” Ryder consoles her. “Besides, I’m sure you got lots of new dolls for your birthday.” He tweaks her nose.

“Weally?” she asks, looking up at him with wide blue eyes.

“Really.” Ryder nods, reaching for her hand. “Why don’t we go outside and see your grandparents while mommy finishes your cake?”

I smile gratefully at him and he winks.

“Don’t gwive Coley any of my cake,” Ava warns me with a pointed finger.

Personality wise, she’s my mini-me, but looks wise she’s all Ben, except for her dark colored hair.

“I won’t. You get the first piece, birthday girl.”

“Good.” She nods and lets Ryder take her outside where we have everything for her party set up.

My parents flew in for the occasion, plus they’ve been dying to see Wyatt. Ryder’s parents are here too. I’ve gotten to know them well and they practically feel like my own parents at this point. They even treat Ava like she’s really their granddaughter. Loraine drove up for Ava’s party too—she tries to see her at least once a week, if not more, and now that Ava’s a little older I promised to start letting her keep her overnight sometimes. I like for Ava to spend time with Loraine and learn more about her dad. I talk to her about him too, tell her how we met, and how great he was. Even though Ryder is the only dad she knows, I want her to know that Ben loves her too. His love might not be one we can physically feel, but it’s still there.

I finish with the cake and carry it outside.

“Ooh! It’s pwetty mommy! Tank you!” Ava jumps up and down eagerly.

“You’re welcome, baby girl,” I tell her, sticking the five candles in and lighting them. I bend down to whisper in her ear, “Happy Birthday.” I kiss her cheek. I lift her up and join everyone in singing “Happy Birthday”. When the song finishes, I say, “Make a wish, baby.”

She blows out the candles and everyone claps. I lower her and cut her piece first. She takes the plate from me and runs over to sit on my dad’s lap. That girl has her grandpa wrapped around her little finger. Talk about spoiled.