Bring Me Back(5)

“Shhh—” he smacks my ass again “—my mom’s sleeping.”

I slam a hand over my mouth, mortified that I forgot about his mom.

Ben opens the door to his childhood bedroom and drops me onto the bed.

His room is painted a shade of blue that almost looks gray and the walls are littered with posters of sports figures and trophies. His old helmet from high school football sits on a shelf along with other memorabilia from that time period. Basically, his room is a time travel to the decade before.

His bedspread is a navy blue, but the best part is his sheets covered in footballs. They make me laugh every time I see them.

Ben stares down at me and there’s a glint in his eyes. One that tells me I’m in trouble in the best possible way. He lowers, covering my body with his, and I shiver.

“You’re a bad girl.”

I raise a brow. “Am I?”

“The worst.” He grins and kisses me. I melt into the kiss, but just as quickly as he started it, he ends it. He stands and declares, “Bedtime.”

Jerk.

I pout. “But—”

He shakes his head and grins at me.

I stand and shrug. Fine. Two can play at this game.

I kick off my shoes and remove my sweater. I then wiggle out of my jeans, purposely swaying my hips. His eyes follow my movements and the hunger in his eyes grows.

Gotcha, I think to myself.

His Adam’s apple bobs and he stares at me as I stand in only a tiny pair of black lace panties and matching bra. It isn’t my normal sleeping attire since I hadn’t planned on us staying the night, but it is certainly doing its job in tantalizing Ben.

“Goodnight,” I say with a grin and pull back the covers on his bed, slipping beneath them. I purposely pull them all the way up, hiding my body.

Ben’s eyes darken and a second later he pulls back the covers. I lie almost completely exposed on his bed and blink up at him.

“Ben?” I say, fighting a winning grin.

He jumps onto the bed over me and I giggle but quickly quiet my sounds. The bed bounces and he holds himself above me.

“I love you even if you drive me crazy,” he growls, pressing his lips to my neck.

“Love is crazy.”

He kisses me. “That’s true.”

He presses his lips together, almost nervously.

“Ben?” I prompt after a moment when he says nothing.

“I want to talk to you about something.” He rolls off of me and settles onto the bed beside me.

“Okay?” I question, his nerves making me nervous.

He smooth’s his fingers over my cheek and his eyes flicker to mine. “You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“Ben,” I plead, “you’re killing me here.”

My mind is running through a million different scenarios.

He’s being transferred to another hospital and we need to move.

He wants to postpone the wedding.

He doesn’t want to marry me at all.

He—

“I want to have a baby.”

My mind stops—completely shuts down.

“What?” I gasp. A baby? I couldn’t have possibly heard him right. We’ve talked about kids, but always said we’d have our first child a few years after we were married.

“I know, I know,” he says, almost like he’s reading my thoughts, “this isn’t what we talked about. But it feels right, don’t you think?” Before I can respond, he continues, “We’re going to be married soon, and people say it usually takes a few tries to actually get pregnant, so I think we should start.”

He looks at me with big, earnest, blue eyes. “B-But our plan. My business. Your residency. Nothing is complete yet.”

“But it will be,” he says, toying with a piece of my hair. “I want us to have a family. Don’t you want that? What if it takes a while? What if we’re one of those couples that has to go an alternate route? Wouldn’t you rather know now and not when we’re in our thirties?”

I sit up and press my fingers to my temples. “You’re freaking me out,” I tell him.

It’s not that having a baby is a bad thing. I want kids, but I’ve always been someone that’s terrified of the unknown.

“Blaire.” He takes my face in his hands and forces me to look at him. “Breathe. Just breathe. If you want to wait, we will.” His tongue slips out to moisten his lips. “Just think about it, okay?”

I nod. “I will.”

As I settle back on the bed in his arms, the idea of a baby lying between us doesn’t seem so bad. Ben will be an amazing dad; it’s me as a mom that scares me.





We arrive home a little after ten in the morning the next day and Ben immediately has to leave for the hospital. After a quick peck on my lips, he’s gone for a twenty-four shift. It sucks that he has to leave so soon, but I can’t be too glum since he had the holiday off; I know we won’t always be that lucky.

Which brings me back to the topic of a baby.

Can I handle raising a baby right now with Ben gone most of the time? I think I can, but thinking and knowing are two different things. What scares me the most isn’t that, though—I’m more afraid of losing everything I’ve worked so hard to build the last few years. My business is only beginning to take off and a baby might halt that—if it did, would I resent Ben or the child? I don’t think so.