Breaking Point (Article 5 #2)(70)

And so he’d made it to the meeting point, changed into his civilian clothes quietly enough not to disturb me, and escaped to battle his demons alone.

I knelt beside him, placing one cautious hand on his back. Sweat had soaked clean through his sweater. My arm rose and fell as he swallowed what air he could, and I hurt, so completely, for him that the tears filled my eyes.

“Can’t … breathe.…” he ground out. He scratched at the stretched neck of his T-shirt.

“Yes you can,” I said. My voice was low and even.

Instinctively I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned over him so that my chest rested on his back and my face pressed against his neck, sticky with sweat. I took a long breath, hoping he could feel my heart slow through the barriers of our clothes and skin.

He tried to match my tempo but began to shake. His hand clutched mine over his flexing abdominals and squeezed so tightly I thought my fingers would break.

“I’m here,” I said. “I’m not letting go.”

I breathed again, and he moved with me, a low, strangled moan seeping out his throat.

In. Out.

Again.

Again.

The terror passed quickly, leaving him exhausted and drenched. There was water in the car, in the bag Beth had given us, but I didn’t dare leave him even for a minute. I used the Sister of Salvation handkerchief to blot at his neck and forehead while he gripped my other hand, and when he fell back onto his heels, I somehow ended up shifting in front of him, so that I straddled his lap.

My breath caught. Our eyes locked, both of us waiting for what would come next. His fingers slowly spread over my back, his thumbs grazing my ribs. I ran my hands through his damp hair, feeling his gaze, somehow staggered, linger on my face. Feeling our bodies warmly connected. Finally, his head came to rest on my heart and I held him, willing him to know that he was not alone.

*

“WAS I like Beth?” I asked, frowning. “When you came back. Did I seem so young?”

I sat on the ground across from him, arms encircling my knees, chin resting on the crook in my elbow. He mirrored my position, watching the way our boots overlapped, but refusing, like me, to back away. The second we had separated he’d become shy, though not cold, and my mind drifted back to what had happened at my house.

A small smile graced the corners of his mouth. “Maybe a little bit.”

I thought of how na?ve Beth had sounded, how idealistic that she was doing the right thing, so impenetrable to consequences.

“I must have driven you crazy.”

“You drive me crazy on a pretty regular basis.”

I stomped on his toes. He grinned, and then blinked and rubbed his eyes.

“You’re tired,” I said.

“Yes.”

He wouldn’t sleep until he was ready, but I wished I could do something to help him.

“There’s food in the car,” I said. “Come on. You can eat something at least.”

He reached for my hands and I pulled myself up, and then used all my remaining strength to hoist him off the ground.

The pendant-shaped burn below my collar had begun to throb again, and I prodded it gently, thinking of Cara and how she’d needed St. Michael’s protection more than me. The lump grew inside of my throat. I still wasn’t sure what to feel. Anger that she’d been so cruel, so secretive. Guilt that she was killed by people trying to kill me. Pain, though we hadn’t been friends.

We began slowly walking back toward the cruiser.

“Listen, back there…” he started, then paused.

I waited while he sorted through his thoughts. I hoped he didn’t try to apologize. What had happened out here had bound us closer, and it would have stung had he regretted it.

“It just gets heavy sometimes,” he finished, with a great heave of breath.

He didn’t have to explain further. I knew exactly what he meant.

A muffled whisper diverted our attention, driving my heart into my throat. Chase’s hand was immediately at his back, where he’d placed the gun Polo had given him, but he didn’t draw.

Tucker jerked out from behind a cement blockade just to our left. “Scared me.” He was wearing the same jeans and sweat-stained thermal he’d been in earlier, though now I noticed a streak of burnt copper down his left side. Was that his blood, or Cara’s?

“Who were you talking to?” I asked.

“No one,” he said. “I was looking for you.”

“Where’s Sean?” Chase didn’t bother to hide the accusation in his tone.

“Still on guard,” Tucker answered. “But he didn’t rotate back. I thought maybe he came to find you.”

My shoulder blades tightened. I glanced around, as if Sean might appear, too, but there was no sign of him. Somewhere closer to the heart of the old city, the clouds began to groan.

“So you thought it was a good idea to leave post, too, huh?” said Chase.

Tucker didn’t lower his gaze. “In case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t the FBR anymore, Jennings. It’s every man for himself out here.”

“Actually it’s not,” I said flatly. “Come on, let’s find him.”

Chase held me back, tilting his head toward Tucker as if to say, after you. Tucker hesitated only briefly before turning and walking quickly back toward the parking garage. Though I searched the entire time for Sean, Chase, just to my side, did not once turn his head away from his old partner.