Bound by Vengeance (Born in Blood Mafia Chronicles #5)(51)

“She wanted him because of his position. He’s a good catch, and after the thing with your father, an even better catch. That’s all.”

My stomach tightened. “Did she know before it happened?” She couldn’t even say the words.

Trish shrugged. “Probably. She called me the same evening and told me about it.”

“But you didn’t know…” My voice died away. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.

Trish lightly touched my arm. “No. I didn’t. And I’m sorry for everything.” Her eyes darted around at the people watching us and her expression became more guarded.

I knew what was going to happen. Trish depended on the appraisal of others like I had before everything had been taken from me. And she, more than I, had always been Anastasia’s sidekick. That wouldn’t change. She couldn’t let it change. Trish wouldn’t risk her reputation by spending time with me in the future. And the worst was, I couldn’t say if I’d done the same if our positions had been reversed.

I took a step back, forcing a smile. “I know we can’t see each other anymore,” I said firmly. “Just one last thing, do you know anything about my sister?”

Trish shook her head. “Anastasia probably does. Ask her.” I could tell that she was eager to end this conversation and I made it easy for her. I turned and started walking but I didn’t know where to go. Wherever I looked, I saw people who wanted nothing to do with me. Not all of them looked as if they thought my family and I had gotten what we deserved but nobody looked like they were going to help me, or even talk to me. I’d never felt more alone in her life, and this time there wasn’t even a mobile in my purse. And even if it were, there was no one I could have called. My desperate gaze settled on Growl who was no longer talking to the group of men. Instead he was standing by himself, a glass of red wine in his hand.

I stopped for a moment. But he was the only person I could go to. I glanced around again, toward the doors and windows, then stared down at my feet and laughed bitterly. When I raised my eyes, Growl was watching me. I knew he’d never taken his eyes off me. There was no way I could escape, not without help, and even though it hurt to admit, I knew no one at this party who cared enough about me to risk it. Trish twirled around the small dance floor with a young man I didn’t know and Anastasia was smiling up a storm at Cosimo’s side. Everyone was drinking and laughing and living their live. But I didn’t miss the glances they kept throwing my way. In some I caught pity and sympathy, but as soon as those few noticed me looking at them, they quickly averted their eyes as if they were worried my bad luck would rub off on them or perhaps that they’d feel compelled to help me.

But there were also the others, those who watched me with curiosity, desperate to still their craving for sensation. I was fairly sure that they’d have approached me to get an update on their gossip regarding Growl if that didn’t mean they would risk their reputation by being seen by me.

I headed toward Growl. When I stopped by his side, he held out the glass of red wine for me. I raised my eyebrows. “Are you trying to make me drunk?”

“You look like you need it,” he said.

I snorted. “I don’t think wine’s enough.”

Growl didn’t laugh or smile, only mustered me with his keen amber eyes. He was still holding the glass out and I finally took it.

“Isn’t that yours?” I asked but took a large sip before he could reply.

He didn’t seem to mind. “I don’t drink.”

“You don’t? They all do.” I nodded in the general direction of the other guests.

Growl didn’t take his eyes off me. “Alcohol makes people careless. It brings out the worst in them.”

“You kill for a living. I don’t think it gets much worse.”

Growl nodded. “Perhaps. But I won’t let alcohol dull my senses.”

I emptied the rest of the wine. “That’s exactly why I drink.”

“Don’t. It was wrong to give you the wine. It doesn’t make things better. It only makes you believe that it does.”

I was starting to feel shaky and dizzy. “Maybe that’s enough. If things can’t get better, than at least I can pretend they will.”

Growl sighed. “I will tell Falcone and Cosimo that we’re leaving. You will stay where you are while I’m gone.”

I leaned against the wall. I didn’t feel like going anywhere. The room was spinning and I was starting to feel hot. With another look at me, Growl headed off to where Cosimo was talking to Falcone. The crowd parted for him. And he towered over them, strong and tall and proud, despite their whispers.

I wished I could be like that. But I cared about what people said. It hurt to see them judging and pitying me. I closed my eyes against their scrutiny and soon lost all sense of time.

A touch on my shoulder roused me from my stupor. My eyelids felt heavy as I opened them. Growl scowled down at me and I shied back by the anger on his face. “Never close your eyes around your enemies. You won’t survive like that.”

I smiled tiredly. “As if you ever take your eyes off me. Nobody can hurt me when you’re around. If someone ends up killing me, then that’s probably you.”

Growl didn’t deny it. He wrapped his fingers around my upper arm and steered me toward the door. I followed him in a trance-like state. When we got outside, the fresh air helped me regain my senses and I gulped down the oxygen eagerly.