Bound by Hatred (Born in Blood Mafia Chronicles #3)(77)

“You can take a quick shower, and then I’ll help you pack everything.”

“Oh, sure,” I said distractedly. Pride had always been my problem, even now when I knew it was only hurting me, and Matteo.

Aria glanced my way. “Luca will keep his word. You don’t have to worry. He’s never broken his promise. And he knows I’d never forgive him if he’d lied. You’ll be free.”

Free? What was freedom worth if it meant ignoring what my heart wanted? “I know.”

“You don’t look happy.”

I wasn’t happy. But why? For months I’d wished for nothing more than to figure out a way out of this marriage, out of this life, out of this world, and now that I finally got my wish, I didn’t feel anything. How could I have been lying to myself for so long? And why couldn’t I admit it, especially not to the outside world? Why did it feel as if admitting I loved Matteo was the ultimate defeat? “I’m still recovering from the crash. That’s all,” I said on autopilot. I wondered how long that lie would work.

Aria didn’t look convinced but she didn’t push the matter. I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes, not in the mood for conversation. I needed to sort through my emotions as soon as possible, but the splitting headache definitely wasn’t making it an easy feat.

I must have dozed off because suddenly Aria was nudging me awake and we were parked in the underground garage. She gave me an encouraging smile, and for some reason it made me feel horrible. I quickly scrambled out of the car, unable to meet Aria’s compassionate gaze. I rushed toward the elevator, a few times almost tripping over my feet. Aria caught up with me and called the elevator down with a press of the button. “What’s the rush? You don’t have to worry that Matteo will come home while we’re still packing. They’ll probably keep him in the hospital overnight. He looked really bad.”

I leaned against the cool wall of the elevator. Did Aria really think that would cheer me up? Was I such a horrible bitch that people thought I’d be happy that someone was seriously injured?

Of course they did. Luca had thought he had to offer me a ticket to freedom so I didn’t let his brother die. I was nothing but a heartless, selfish bitch in his mind. And judging from Aria’s words, she agreed with him.

My throat corded up. Maybe they were right. “I’m not worried,” I said calmly. It was easier to play the part they all expected me to play.

Aria nodded, but she didn’t stop watching me. We were leaning across from each other and I could see my reflection behind her in the mirror. We couldn’t have been more different. Aria with her kind expression, angel-like hair, porcelain skin and baby-blue eyes; the epitome of pureness. And I looked like I’d risen from hell with my messy red hair, blood covered clothes and skin, and dark shadows under my eyes. When we stepped into the apartment that I’d shared with Matteo since our wedding, I quickly rushed into the master bedroom, and from there into the adjoining bathroom. Maybe a quick shower would help me get a grip on my heart. Luca’s offer was my last chance, I knew that. If I followed my heart instead and stayed with Matteo, then that would be it. I had to let my brain make this decision.

After my shower, I still didn’t feel better but at least I’d made up my mind. Aria was sitting on the bed, typing on her phone, when I entered the bedroom.

“Did Luca tell you about Matteo?” I asked immediately, my throat already tightening and panic flooding me. I should have gone with Matteo. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe.

“He’s doing fine. Apparently it’s only a concussion and a few cracked ribs.” She finally looked up and quickly walked over to me. “You look pale.”

I swallowed. Matteo would be fine. Slowly my panic settled down.

“You are really worried about him, aren’t you? Why don’t you admit it? You can trust me, Gianna, you know that.”

“Of course I worry. I’m not made from stone. I don’t want anything to happen to him. I care about him, believe it or not.”

“But not enough to stay?” Aria asked.

I wasn’t sure what to say. All my well-laid plans in the shower seemed to crumble before me again. “I need to lie down for a while, I think. Or do we have to leave soon?”

Aria shook her head. “No, Luca will take Matteo to our penthouse when he wakes, so you won’t cross his path if you stay here. And it’s late anyway. Catch some sleep.”

I grabbed clean clothes and put them on before I lay down on top of the covers. I could hear Aria closing the door and then silence reigned around me.

It was already light out when I woke. I was alone in the bedroom. I quickly scrambled off the bed and left the room, half expecting to find Matteo in the kitchen. He wasn’t.

Aria was there. She tipped something into her phone before handing me a cup of coffee. “How do you feel?”

“Where’s Matteo? Is he okay? Is he still in hospital?”

“He’s fine. He’s in the penthouse, sleeping off his concussion.”

“Oh, right. He’s at your place. That makes sense.”

“Gianna, you don’t have to leave, you realize that, right? It’s okay to stay with Matteo.”

I stared at her. It was okay, wasn’t it? Okay to love a man like him, okay to accept life in the mob.

The elevator stopped with a bling and Luca walked out, his cold gaze settling on me. I had to suppress a shiver. That was what hatred looked like, and I supposed he had every reason to hate me. Sandro was a couple of steps behind him like a good lapdog.