Boarlander Silverback (Boarlander Bears #3)(29)

A soft, heartbroken sound eked from her throat. He looked wary of touch still, and his eyes were a light gold color now, so she sat and faced the storm clouds and waited. After a couple of minutes, Kirk sat beside her.

“When did you stop working for Fiona?”

Kirk drew his knees up and draped his arms over them as he stared at the lightning in the distance. “The day she told me and Rhett we needed to kill Layla’s guardian, Mac. He was old. In hospice care. And Fiona was pissed over the information Rhett had been feeding her about Kong sneaking off to be with Layla. Fiona wanted to hurt Kong by hurting his mate. And nothing could’ve hurt Layla more than the death of Mac. I couldn’t do it, though. I’d had enough. My survival instinct had been strong until then, but when we got to that point, I couldn’t hurt Kong. I couldn’t hurt Layla. When I told Fiona I was going rogue, she said she was going to kill me, and I believed her. With every cell in my body, I knew my days were numbered.”

“What happened to Layla’s guardian?”

Kirk’s lips pressed into a thin line, and he leveled her a vacant look.

“Rhett killed him, didn’t he?” she asked in a horrified whisper.

Kirk’s Adam’s apple dipped low as his gaze dropped to the ground. “I went to his funeral. Layla and Kong forgive me for it all. They’re good like that, but I still go put flowers on Mac’s grave. He was a good man, and my people ended his life just to hurt someone else. Gorilla shifters, they don’t care about human life like they should. Fiona trained them not to. She convinced them they’re a superior species who should just take what they want.”

“Do you talk to your family anymore?”

“Fuck no. I’m a traitor in their eyes, and that’s fine by me. I don’t regret leaving them behind.”

She was quiet for a long time, mulling that over. Kirk said it so flippantly, like his family group meant nothing to him now, but she knew better. “I used to beg my mom to stay straight for me. Beg and beg and beg. And she would change for a few days. A week. Maybe two, and I would get in this endless cycle where I believed her because I wanted so badly to feel like I was important enough for her to change and be better. And each time she failed me, I was cut deeper.” Alison scooted closer to Kirk and rested her head on his shoulder. “She was no good, but it didn’t change me wishing that she was. It hurts, tearing your heart away from the people who you are supposed to love the most, Kirk. It hurts for always.”

Eyes on the storm, Kirk heaved a sigh and nodded. “Yeah.”

“It makes it hard to let people in.”

Another nod. Kirk picked up a rock and chucked it into the river that was tumbling over the cliff ledge in front of them. “I was doing a bang up job until I came to work for the Boarlanders.” He chuckled darkly. “And then you came along and filled my hollow parts and now I can’t stop feeling. It’s annoying.”

She giggled and clamped her teeth over his arm, then rested her chin on it and looked up at him. “Ugh, feelings. So gross.”

“So gross,” he agreed, but he was smiling now.

“I still don’t regret it, just so you know.”

Kirk’s gaze drifted to her shoulder. “Does it still hurt?”

“Like hellfire.”

“You heal ridiculously slowly.”

“Yeah,” she said, shoving him back until he lay on the ground. “Being human is such a drag.” She straddled his stomach and grinned down at him.

He slid his hands up her thighs and narrowed his eyes. “This is the part where you’re supposed to be scrambling back down the trail to escape me.”

“Yeah, I chopped up bricks of coke in a dank room completely naked for two years. Sorry, babe. I don’t scare easily.”

“Mm. So you know, I’m going to have to fight more now.”

“Why?”

The smile dipped from his face, and then returned slowly. “Because you’re my family group now.”

“And your instincts tell you to keep in tip-top shape to protect me?”

He dipped his chin to his chest. “That’s right.”

“You know I can protect myself, right?”

“I do. My gorilla doesn’t care about that stuff, though. It’s ingrained in me.”

“Why are you smiling like that?”

“Because A—f*cking you under the falls was awesome. B—you asked me to claim you, and C—I thought maybe this part of me would’ve been broken after what happened with Fiona. I was afraid watching Kong get tortured had killed my protective instincts. And maybe it did for a while but now everything is different. I would do anything to keep you safe and happy, because I feel normal around you. And for me, that’s a really big deal.”

“You feel like a normal silverback gorilla man.”

“Yep.”

She snickered and splayed her hands against his taut chest, locking her arms against him. “You’ve turned me into a criminal, you know.”

“Breaking the law,” he drawled, though he didn’t look guilty at all. “We can keep your mark to ourselves if you want.”

She fingered the healing skin of her bite on his chest. “I think we have to. They can arrest you if they know you’ve claimed me. And they won’t put you in some solitary confinement cell, Kirk. They’ll put you somewhere they can make an example of you. Somewhere you’ll be targeted by other inmates. I can’t be the reason you get hurt. I need you here with me.”