Boarlander Silverback (Boarlander Bears #3)(16)

A slow smile spread across Kirk’s lips. “Good.” His gaze dipped from her flannel shirt over her tank top to her jean shorts and then to her black flip flops. “You off work?”

“What work?” she asked darkly. All she’d done today was sit in the office and hope that someone came by so she could check them in before they headed into the mountains.

“I’m hungry, and I want to feed you because apparently I’ve lost my mind and think of stupid shit like that now. Has she eaten today? When does she take her showers? Mornings? Nights? What does she look like when she sleeps? Did she bring warm enough clothes for the cool nights here?” Kirk twirled his finger around his cranium. “It’s a mess in here.”

“And yet you can’t pick up the damned phone.”

“I was trying to give you an out, woman. I wasn’t just ignoring you.”

“And now you’re here to what? Ask me on a date?”

“No. I’m here to ask you out to eat.”

She offered him a slow, furious blink. “So, a date?”

“I’ve come to the realization that I screwed up,” Kirk said, sinking down onto the bed beside her. “I let us go too far physically before you saw what kind of man I am.”

“And what kind of man are you?”

Honesty pooled in his dark eyes as he admitted, “The dangerous kind to give a tender heart to.”

Oh, she understood. He was warning her off him.

“I don’t want to go on a date with you if you’re just going to push me away again. It makes all of this too hard.”

“That’s why I’m not calling it a date.”

She wanted him. Not just physically, but she wanted to know everything about him. Wanted to possess him. Wanted to be the last set of lips he kissed for all his life. And yeah, she got how insane that was, but her heart had shackled itself to him, and she was in too deep to turn back from the potency of her feelings now. “Kirk, you feel big. I’ve been sleepwalking for so long, just trudging along with the world all blurred around me, out of control of my life and only living it halfway. But then you came along, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, everything seems so clear. And part of it is that I feel so damned relieved that I have the ability to feel after everything that happened. But if we aren’t going anywhere, and if you’re going to pull me in close only to shove me away again, over and over, that’ll hurt me. And I think it’ll hurt you, too. I don’t want that. Go home, Kirk. Think about what you want from me, and next time you talk to me, be real clear because I suck at hints. If you don’t feel like I’m big, too, then cut me loose.”

Kirk scrubbed his hand down his dark, three-day stubble and stood. He paced back to her, adjusted his baseball cap over his head and left. The front door banging closed shook the bones of the house, and Alison closed her eyes against the pain in her chest. That was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, being that direct with a man she cared so deeply about, but he had to choose—in or out—because she wasn’t going to be someone’s maybe.

She needed more.

The front door creaked open and the loud, hollow sound of Kirk’s boots echoed across the floor. His eyes were bright gold when he came to a stop in her doorway. “I’m not going to be any good at this.”

She stood slowly. “I won’t expect you to be any more than you are.”

His chest heaved as he stared at her with those glowing eyes. So terrifying and beautiful all at once. Three more steps, and he pulled her to his chest hard. His heart pounded so fast against her cheek, and she closed her eyes, inhaling his scent. The smell of man and beast clashed. Body wash and fur. God, she loved this, being in his arms, feeling safe. She squeezed her eyes tighter. He wouldn’t let her fall into the darkness. Not like the others. Kirk was too battle-hardened to go soft. He didn’t see it, but she needed him just as he was. He was perfect, and he didn’t even realize it.

“I want to take you out on a date.” His voice was too low, too scratchy. “I’m already in this deeper than you can understand. It happens like that for shifters, and staying away from you is too damned hard. I’ll take you on a date, and then another and another, until you are the one pushing me away.”

“Why would I?”

“Because what can I give you, Ally? What could I possibly give to keep a woman like you happy? I work a labor job, and I’m content staying in one place. I can date you but, legally, that’s where our relationship peaks. I live in a trailer park with a crew of f*ck-ups. And I love them. I do. But you won’t understand why we are the way we are.”

“Maybe you should give me a chance to understand.”

He inhaled deeply, then blew it out and buried his face against her neck. “You’re terrifying.”

She laughed because Kirk was admitting that she was scary? He, a freaking massive gorilla shifter with glowing eyes and a rumble in his throat, who could pull bullets from his arm without wincing. She was no threat to him. “No more running,” she whispered.

“I won’t.” Kirk shook his head and eased back. He pulled off his baseball cap, turned it around, and put it on backward, then leaned down and kissed her. He was surprisingly gentle this time, hand on her neck, thumb stroking her cheek as he tilted her face back. He brushed his tongue against the seam of her lips, asking to taste her, not demanding it like last time.