Blitzed(34)

So Troy’s hitting the weights hard, huh? I guess his telling me that he's going to leave behind playing QB to go for linebacker in college is true. I hope it turns out well for him. I wish I could see it, honestly.

I suppose you know why I left, and I suppose you probably don't agree with it. But thank you for not saying it. I know it's trite, and I know that we're in a world where a woman, even an eighteen-year-old with her GED, can make something of herself. It's not like in my mother's day.

Still, I know Troy, and that's why I stay in Italy. Dani, I told my Mom, and I'll tell you now. If Troy knows that I'm pregnant, that he's a father, he won't ever be able to reach the pros. He won't be able to reach the potential he has. I'm sure of it.

I'll keep you up to date, and I hope to hear from you soon. Of course, we can set up a Skype call some time. I'd love to do that. Just make sure you have privacy when we do.

All my love,

Whitney



May 29

Dear Dani,

You'll find attached the first photos of Laurie Patricia Nelson. She was born yesterday at 3:53 PM, weighing eight pounds, two ounces. Isn't she beautiful? She's in perfect health, and that’s all I could ask for.

It both hurts and helps for me that Laurie looks so much like her father. Lorenzo's a bit jealous, but he says he can get over it. He already says he loves her, but—and hold your horses—he says he loves me, too.

I'm not saying I love him, and I've told him as much—I’m not ready, and I don’t know when I will be. But you said it yourself, graduation has already come and gone. Hell, you and Pete broke up, although I understand why with him joining the Navy and you going to State. At least that one was mutual and with as little rancor, I guess, as you can get when a couple breaks up after dating for as long as you two did.

But Lorenzo's a good guy. He's a little older than me at twenty-one, but I swear, that has nothing to do with it. It's just that, holding Laurie yesterday, the nurse going off in Italian, I realized something.

I never told you this before, and Mom and I only discussed it once, but I was seriously considering giving Laurie up for adoption after she was born. I mean, I'm sure a couple of times you wondered why I didn't terminate, and well, that option went through my mind too. But I just don't believe in it. So I thought, at least back in October, that I'd give the baby up. Then, who knew? Maybe I could come back and go to State, and when Troy comes back for summer break . . .

I've got to stop torturing myself like this. I saw Laurie's tiny little face yesterday, and the way she tugged on my finger and her tiny, tiny little blue eyes stared at me, like she knew that she didn't have a father and that it was just me and her in this world, and I knew I would’ve regretted that decision for the rest of my life if I did it.

Because of that, I think my stay over here in Europe might take a little longer than I thought. Lorenzo's already said that he's willing to help out with the baby, and like I said, the Europeans have such a different system for university. Even as an American, I can go for super-cheap, and there are so many ways to make sure that I can go while Laurie gets what she needs. If Mom can do it, so can I, right?

I don't know if you'll really understand me with this. I just know it's what I have to do. I have to make my heart go on—I can't stay on the sidelines wearing that number 12 jersey forever, you know? I . . . I just can't.

I love you, Dani. For all that you've done, for all the support you've given me. I was never granted a sister, but if I had my choice, I'd pick you. Tell me about your summer vacation plans and how you're getting ready for life at State. I'm looking forward to it.

Love Always,

Whitney



May 25 - Four years later

Dear Dani,

Wow, has it really been that long since I last wrote you an email? I know we chat on instant messenger, but sometimes a good old email is good to make sure you get out all your thoughts.

I can't believe you and Pete got back together. That's awesome! I loved the pictures you sent of your engagement party. He certainly doesn’t look at all like the squat brickhouse he was back in high school! The Navy was good for him, but more importantly, you two look so happy together. It's going to be strange, though, thinking of you as Danielle Barkovich instead of Dani Vaughn.

Strike that, I left some stuff out. Danielle Barkovich, MS, going for her PhD in psychology! How'd you turn into such a bookworm, huh? Personally, I think you took all those Harley Quinn jokes that we made for you back in high school too seriously. You didn't have to go into psychology because of that, you know. Now, if you tell me that you've started thinking about a guy named Mr. J, then I'm so going to freak out.

I'm glad to hear that your little brother is also getting along well in college. Still, choosing to go to university in Alaska, of all places? What was he thinking? I saw your last family photo you sent along, and he has grown up handsome, especially since he dropped that eyeliner stuff that he was going through. He's got your hair, obviously, and kinda reminds me a little of that old English rocker, Sting. The music I get exposed to in Europe gives me different perspectives. But yeah, losing the eyeliner is a big step up for him.

Yep, that was Laurie with me in the last photo I sent. Isn't it amazing how fast she's grown? Her Italian almost outstrips mine now, and I can keep up with the crap they put on TV without a problem! Give the Italians all the credit in the world for cuisine, music, culture . . . but damn, their TV sucks! Thank God for Netflix and YouTube!