Blitzed(28)

"No, that was last week," Dani says, chuckling. "You and I are on almost identical cycles. So what did you blow up about?"

Last week? That doesn’t reassure my fears in the least. I could be a week late already. "Just . . . keep it quiet, please, Dani, but Troy's got a verbal offer of a scholarship."

"That's great!" Dani says, then sobers. "Where?"

"Clement University. In Los Angeles."

"And you're not going to Clement," Dani says, frowning. "That's a private school. The price tag for it is like mega-huge. You gotta be a trust funder or a super talent like Troy to afford that place. But it's not that bad. You guys can do the long distance thing, you know."

"I don't want to do the long distance thing!" I shout, and now I'm nearly crying. "I want Troy in my arms, or him holding me like we did at Homecoming! Not a thousand f*cking miles away, surrounded by hot Hollywood starlets who'd f*ck a guy like him at the drop of a hat!"

Dani sits quietly for a moment, then clears her throat. "You and I never talked about it, after Homecoming and all, but I assumed that you and Troy . . . you know?"

"We did," I say, and I feel like we're gossiping, although this time, the shoe is on the other foot. Dani's told me plenty about her adventures. "It was . . . magical."

"Yeah, I saw that the next night," Dani says. "Kinda a rule. If the first time is great with a guy, the girl's walking on cloud nine. If it sucks, she's not into him for a while afterward. And if it's really bad, she breaks up with him. You weren’t just on cloud nine. You were looking like you were still in the middle of it."

"I felt that way," I agreed. "So why do I feel like such shit now, and I snap at him?"

Dani doesn't say anything, but instead reaches over to her backpack and unzips it. "Here. The clinic can give you tests and even counseling if you want. They're anonymous, too. They don't take any information down at all unless you go in for birth control pills or a Plan B pill."

I take the card she's holding out, looking down at the address and phone number with no other information. "Dani . . .”

"Better to know than to keep yourself in doubt. Because I can read it in your eyes, Whit. You're scared and you need to know."

I can't hold it back anymore and start crying. I've been doing that a lot recently too, I noticed, and Dani holds me, patting my hair. "Shh, it's okay. I'm here, and I love ya."

We stay that way for a while until my crying jag passes and I let go of her. "Thanks, Dani."

"It's what friends are for. Besides, you got leverage on me now."

"What, you and Pete Barkovich?" I say, laughing. "Dani, he may not be your type, but he's a nice guy. And to let you in on a secret, he's had a crush on you since freshman year. I knew that when he and I shared a few classes."

"Oh, I knew that. Actually, I was talking about hooking up with him back here. Major no-no, and I could lose my spot on the team for it."

I shake my head and give Dani a hug. "Are you nuts? Lose the captain of the cheerleading squad? I'd have to be all sorts of stupid to do that to my best friend."



I stare at the box, which is plain white and about the size of a glasses case, afraid to do what I know I need to do. Since Dani and I finished our conversation, I'd been unable to think about anything else, and even during cheerleading practice, I couldn't focus. Dani cut me a lot of slack, though, and the other girls too. Dani did it because she knew what I was really thinking, and the other girls did it because they thought I was focused on Troy.

Well, I guess I am focused on Troy, just in a different way. I couldn't deal with trying to see him as the rest of the team went out to practice, Troy not dressed except in a t-shirt and team shorts. Coach Jackson had Troy just watch, do some laps and stretch, trying to relieve the bruising and beating he'd taken. Even in my state of disarray, I gasp seeing him from a distance, the way his legs and his back are bruised up.

Now I'm standing here in the bathroom, looking at the little box, and I'm more scared than I've been at any time in my life. I close my eyes and take the plunge, tearing open the box. There's a little thing that looks like a whiteboard marker with a window in the side, and a single instruction sheet.

"Uncap device, hold in urine stream or in cup of fresh urine until testing device is fully wet. Cap and wait one minute. Plus sign confirms pregnancy, minus means no pregnancy. If there is no indication at all in the window, the device may be faulty, or you are too hydrated. Wait and try again with a new device and when your urine stream is not as clear."

Well, you had some water at practice, but you're not exactly swimming. I guess if it's yellow, you're good to go. Might as well get to work.

I squat over the toilet and do what I need to do, capping the test and counting to one hundred, just to be sure. I'm just turning the device over when Mom opens the door of the bathroom. "Oh, sorry, Whitney. I thought that . . .”

Mom goes silent, seeing what's in my hand. She looks at me, then at my hands again, and takes a deep breath. "Well?"

I turn the test over, and my heart drops into my feet. A plus sign. "It's a plus."

"I thought . . . Whitney, after all I've told you about what I had to go through . . . what were you thinking?" Mom says, her voice rising into a yell. "It's that Troy Wood, isn't it? That playboy bastard!"