Blink(76)

This had occurred to Nancy after she had relocated to Ward C. When she’d asked if someone else was involved in Evie’s abduction, Jo hadn’t responded at first. What if she was playing games? She would probably never make a full recovery, even though the blinking was a sure sign that movement was returning. Though Nancy has no intention of spelling it out for Toni, she knows that Jo Deacon will probably never face justice. She can lead Nancy to believe anything she likes. She has nothing to lose.

Anita brings steaming mugs of tea through and the three women sit, bound only by their desperation to find Evie. Nancy feels selfish even thinking what she was about to say next, but she is going to say it anyway. Just so there is no ambiguity.

‘I have some news for you but I have to ask you not to repeat what I’ve told you or tell anyone where you got this information.’ Both Toni and Anita nod solemnly. ‘I could lose my job, you see. What I’ve done is totally unethical and talking to you about it now is breaching patient confidentiality and data protection.’

It’s too late for Anita – she’s so frail, like a burned-out shell – but Toni Cotter leans forward in anticipation, reminding Nancy of a small, hungry bird, quick in her movements.

Nancy hopes that what she’s about to say won’t disappoint her.

She outlines the communication method she has used and also gives them a short explanation of what locked-in syndrome is.

‘Are you saying that she is fully compos mentis behind that dead face and body?’ Toni looks horrified. ‘That she’s actually alive and probably laughing at us for what she’s done?’

‘I doubt she’s laughing,’ Nancy says. ‘I would imagine it feels like being buried alive or locked into a transparent prison where no one can reach you.’

‘Good,’ Anita mutters, twisting her fingers together. ‘I do hope so.’

‘Through the use of blinking, Jo answered a few of my questions.’

‘Go on,’ Toni urges, although Nancy notices her face has drained of all colour.

‘She did take Evie that day—’

Toni jumps up out of her seat. ‘Why? Why would she do that? What has she done with her, where’s Evie?’ She begins pacing up and down the room, grasping and rubbing at her own throat. ‘Where’s my baby?’ She releases a wail of pure grief – one that Nancy has inadvertently unleashed without the correct environment or supporting professionals to help. A knot of panic twists in her stomach. She has made a terrible mistake in thinking Toni can deal with this.

‘I’m so sorry.’ Nancy shakes her head and stands up. ‘I should never have burdened you with this. I’ll go now.’

‘No, please!’ Toni lurches towards her, grabbing her arm. ‘Please, Nancy, don’t go. It’s just a shock. I want to know everything. I have to know.’

Nancy looks over at Anita and the old woman nods sadly, bowing her head. Nancy remembered how, the day she first met Anita, her hair was brown and set in soft curls. Now it is flat and dull, the colour of ashes.

‘We have to deal with it,’ Anita says softly, looking to her daughter and back at Nancy. ‘Whatever you have to tell us, it’s better than this living hell, where we’ve known nothing for years.’

‘That’s right.’ Toni’s grip tightens on Nancy’s arm. ‘Mum’s right. I’ll deal with it, Nancy. Whatever you tell me, I’ll cope with it. I promise.’

And so Nancy tells her.

She tells her that Jo Deacon has indicated that there was another person involved in Evie’s abduction, and more than that, Toni also knows this other person.

Toni sits down heavily next to her mother and Anita puts a shaking arm around her. Nancy falls quiet then, watching them entwined in a terrible shared silence.

Finally, Toni looks up and stares, not at Nancy, but through her.

Nancy can hear the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen and the shrieks of nearby children playing outside. The ticking of a large clock on the mantelpiece reminds her of the wall clock in Jo Deacon’s room. She wonders briefly if the two timepieces tick in sequence or are out of kilter.

Then, unexpectedly, Toni speaks. Nancy is surprised to hear that her voice sounds clear and calm, the panic and grief reburied for now.

‘I want to thank you again, Nancy, for doing this,’ she says slowly, reaching for Anita’s hand. ‘It means so much to me and Mum, to know we have a real friend in you. Someone who knew Evie, who is firmly on our side.’

‘It’s the least I could do,’ Nancy says, her eyes fixed on Toni, wondering what it is about her that suddenly seems different. More focused.

They sit in silence for a few seconds.

‘Has DI Manvers been in touch?’ Nancy asks.

‘Yes,’ Toni says, trancelike. ‘Nothing to report, apparently. It’s like Evie was never here in the first place.’

‘I’m sure he’s doing everything he—’

‘I don’t need the detective, not now,’ Toni says, a smile playing on the edges of her mouth. ‘Thanks to you, I can take it from here.’

‘Sorry?’ Nancy frowns. Had this new information tipped her over the edge?

‘I don’t need DI Manvers, at least not yet.’ Toni smiles, squeezing her mother’s hand as though she’s just discovered something she’s known all along.