Blink(54)

Not this again; we’d already discussed it to death. I filled the kettle and turned it on at the wall.

‘I do listen, Mum,’ I sighed. ‘I agree that Evie’s been a bit withdrawn but she’ll soon come out the other side again. She’s had some big changes to deal with, it’s a natural reaction.’

‘I’m not talking about Evie,’ Mum said. ‘I’m talking about you.’

I stopped reaching up into the cupboard for mugs and looked at her.

‘You keep forgetting things and you fly off the handle at the slightest thing.’

‘Have you got an example?’ I challenged her. Talk about exaggerating, Mum was an expert at it.

‘Well, you’ve told me the wrong times for picking Evie up, for starters.’

‘No, I think the school – Harriet Watson – gave me the wrong times to begin with.’

‘And then you lose your temper and forget you’ve done it,’ Mum continued, ignoring my line of defence. ‘Like when you threw that vase at the wall because the television was on too loud and woke you up. You need to go to see the doctor, Toni, it’s not natural you being so tired and irritable all the time. Sometimes you can barely focus and that’s not fair on Evie.’

Something gripped at me hard inside my chest. For a few seconds I couldn’t say anything. I knew I’d come to a crossroads. This was my chance to admit to Mum I’d been relying on the sedatives to cope.

This was my chance to ask for her help and support.

I almost opened my mouth and told her, I almost did. But then my mind presented me with flash-forward images of Mum fretting about me and Evie, losing sleep and badgering me to throw the tablets away and see the doctor. I couldn’t handle all the drama that would ensue. I just didn’t have the energy for it.

‘Look, it’s been hard for all of us,’ I said, trying to change the subject.

‘I know how much that vase meant to you,’ Mum pressed. ‘That reaction, it wasn’t you, love. What’s going on?’

‘You weren’t here when I threw the vase.’ I was hedging my bets, as I had no memory of whether she was here or not.

‘No, but poor Evie was. It scared her, Toni, she told me all about it the next day. I actually thought she was exaggerating until I saw the mess.’

‘I have felt tense and stressed out,’ I conceded. ‘I know you disapprove, but this new job is important to me, Mum. I’m trying to make a good impression there; the money will come in so handy. And I’ve also been really concerned about Evie not liking school.’

‘I don’t like that Watton woman,’ Mum said.

‘Miss Watson,’ I corrected her again.

‘Whatever. You’d think she was Evie’s nanny, the way she talks about what’s best for her. I had to bite my tongue again today.’

‘Why, what did she say?’

‘Oh, she just hinted that it would be better if you could pick her up after her new later sessions. I get the impression she doesn’t like me picking her up full stop. My own granddaughter.’

‘I’m sure that’s not the case, Mum,’ I said, remembering that’s exactly what Harriet had suggested in her phone call about Evie’s private sessions.

I spooned coffee into our mugs and poured in boiling water.

‘I don’t know why Evie has to go to these silly sessions anyway, she’d rather be at home, I’m sure.’

‘Well, I’m grateful to Miss Watson.’ I went to the fridge for milk. ‘She’s going the extra mile to help Evie settle in. She seems very giving of her own time.’

We took our drinks into the lounge. Mum handed Evie a carton of orange juice.

‘What did you do in your session with Miss Watson today, sweetie?’ I asked Evie.

She looked up briefly.

‘Just talking,’ she muttered.

‘Talking about what?’ Mum chipped in.

‘About friends,’ Evie said, poking the straw into her drink. ‘Mummy’s friends.’

I raised an eyebrow at Mum. ‘My friends?’

‘There’s something I don’t trust about that woman.’ Mum pursed her lips. ‘Why would she be poking her nose in your personal business?’

‘I told her you hadn’t got any,’ Evie said, slurping juice through the straw.

‘Oh, cheers, Evie.’ I laughed, but it was sobering to realise it was actually the dismal truth.

‘She said she could be your friend,’ Evie added.

‘Creepy,’ Mum shuddered. ‘I don’t like the woman.’

‘Miss Watson said she’s going to get Daisy, Nico and Martha to come and visit me soon,’ Evie went on, selecting her next brick.

I shrugged at Mum’s disapproving glare. I felt sure Miss Watson hadn’t promised Evie such a thing. It was fairly obvious she’d been encouraging her to speak about friends, and that was a positive thing, seeing as she hadn’t managed to make any yet.

Her old friends visiting would be nothing but wishful thinking on Evie’s part.

After all, our old life was firmly behind us. There was nothing left for us there anymore.





47





Three Years Earlier