Blink(17)

My legs felt restless, in need of a stretch.

I crept out onto the landing and looked in on Evie. She slept peacefully, the whisper of her breath reaching me at the door. I stood for a moment just gazing into space, the strangeness of the new house still prickling at me.

Back in my room, I sat down on the edge of my bed and looked around. I could feel the springs jabbing at the backs of my thighs through the cheap mattress. All my meagre worldly goods were pathetically on display. Black bin bags full of clothes that now hung too loose on me lined the wall at the bottom of the bed. My shoes were piled up in the corner, a couple of coats and a hat draped on top, so that the whole thing resembled Guy Fawkes on a bonfire. Another corner housed a heap of mismatched, greying underwear.

I’d made a start but there was still so much to do. Getting the house organised felt like the craggy shadow of a mountain looming over me.

I climbed back into bed and tried in vain to sleep, but hours later I was still tossing and turning.

Aching.

Hurting.

Since Andrew died, my entire skin felt raw. I had been turned inside out like an old, discarded sock, no longer of use to anyone.

There were times it felt as if I was just killing time until my husband came back. At the old house, I would often pretend he was just away working and would be walking through the door in a couple of days.

The tablets helped me do that. They took the pain, encased it in a thick wad of cotton wool and packed it down, deep inside, where it stopped being a problem for a short time. The painful reality would be held at arm’s length for another long day.

I stood up and headed for the bathroom. It was no use trying to fight it.

Tonight, I was going to need a little help.





16





Three Years Earlier





Evie





She had tried to wake her mummy again and again but she just wouldn’t get up, even though it was way past waking-up time. Evie could tell this by the way the sun was shining in through Mummy’s thin, floral curtains.

In the end, Evie went downstairs on her own.

When they lived in their last house, Mummy had had a job and got dressed early each morning. Her eyes had been brighter then and hardly ever half-closed-sleepy in the daytime.

That had all changed when Daddy went away to be with the angels.

Mummy didn’t have a job anymore and she never used her sparkly eyeshadow now or sprayed on the perfume Evie liked, the one that smelled like a mixture of bubble gum and flowers.

As soon as she got downstairs, Evie got scared that the wasps might be back. She was too afraid to go into the sitting room without Mummy doing her daily wasp check, so she went into the kitchen instead.

The floor felt cold on her feet and there was no TV in here to watch CBeebies on. Evie stood on a chair and pulled the cereal box from the cupboard. There were still no clean dishes, so she wrapped her blankie around her and sat at the table, pulling Frosted Shreddies straight from the packet and popping them into her mouth.

It was lots of fun, pretending to be a grown-up. You could eat cake and biscuits for breakfast and, if you wanted, you didn’t even have to put milk on your cereal, or eat it with a spoon.

Evie took Flopsy Bunny off the table and sat him on the chair beside her.

‘Don’t start,’ she scolded him. ‘You’ll do as I say. You don’t want to upset me, do you?’

Flopsy ignored her. He never cried like Evie sometimes did, when her Mummy got cross.

Evie knew he didn’t like it here in the kitchen because he wanted to watch television.

‘Mummy is TIRED,’ she snapped at the rabbit. ‘For God’s sake, will you stop going ON AND ON?’

She sighed and looked at the heap of dirty dishes piled up in the sink. Sometimes, Mummy forgot things like there being no clean cups or dishes and Evie had to tell her again and again before she remembered.

When she’d eaten enough cereal that her tummy finally stopped rumbling, Evie crept to the living room door and listened. She couldn’t hear any buzzing in there.

She opened the door the tiniest bit – too tiny a gap even for a wasp to slip out and sting her – but all was quiet in there. In a flash of bravado, Evie flung her blanket over her head and rushed over to the couch, snatching up the remote and turning on the TV.

Her eyes flicked wildly around the room and she ran back out, breathless, and slammed the door behind her again. She hadn’t see one single insect but you couldn’t be too careful. The wasps had been very well hidden in the pretty flowers that day. Too well hidden for even Mummy and Nanny to spot.

Plus, Mummy was still sleeping, and if the wasps came back, Evie didn’t know where Mr Ethriz, the exterbinator man, lived. There would be no one to help her.

She shuffled back down the hallway, rubbing her eyes. She scowled at Flopsy Bunny, who watched her steadily from his chair.

‘Don’t you look at me like that.’ She scowled. ‘Like butter wouldn’t melt.’

It was no fun being here in the kitchen where it was cold and quiet and there was nothing to do.

Evie heard a shout and someone laughing outside.

She pressed her nose up to the patterned glass but she couldn’t see anything. Mummy had explained it was because of the oh-pake glass.

A funny yelp and another laugh. It sounded like someone was having fun in the yard. Maybe her nursery friends from Hemel had come to visit.