Blindness(37)

Two months ago, I was stashing away wedding magazines, and pining after a proposal. But suddenly I find myself hoping like hell it doesn’t come. All I want now is time. Even if the responsible thing to do is to stay with Trevor, to finish out this thing that I once thought was such a fairytale—I want these few stolen moments of what if. I’ve never had doubts, but then again, I’ve never felt temptation.

I’ve never really felt.

We pull up to the large dirt lot packed with cars and spotlights powered by loud generators, and I’m chewing my fingernails raw with worry. Cody turns the motor off and holds the keys up for me. “Want me to hang onto them?” he says, a nervous smile playing out on his face.

“Yeah. Thanks,” I say. The confidence I was filled with when he first saw me was drained during the stressful ride over here. Too much time to think, time to think about all I’m risking. I’m suddenly afraid; this diversion I’m on, this journey, is dangerous and a bad idea. I’m almost thinking of excuses to end the evening early.

Then I feel him.

I feel him.

It’s amazing what his touch does. He’s at my door and grabbing my hand, refusing to let it go once I’m standing, and instead threading our fingers together like it’s normal, something we’ve always done.

Like he’s mine, and I’m his.

I can’t help but notice the smile on his face when we approach the entrance to meet up with Gabe. He’s proud, but not like I’m some checkbox he’s accrued to meet the standards of those he’s trying to impress. I know it isn’t fair to think—Trevor’s never really made me feel like arm candy. Actually, we’ve always felt like a team. But for some reason, when I’m with Cody, it gives my relationship with Trevor new perspective, and it’s starting to feel a lot less like love.

As we walk up, Gabe nudges his arm into a girl with dark purple hair and a nose ring. I can’t help but flinch when I see her eyes zero in and scowl at my hand in Cody’s. I’m defensive, and find myself pulling in closer to him. I pretend it’s just the cold, but it’s really my irrational fear of judgment from this girl I don’t even know.

“Hey, dude. What the hell, you’re like 20 minutes late,” Gabe says, pounding his fist with Cody’s other hand, and nodding at our hands with a smirk. Cody just rolls his eyes in response and lets go.

“Hey, you,” Gabe says, opening his arms wide to give me a hug, “so glad you decided you were up for this. You’re gonna love it; I promise.”

“Oooookkkayyyyy,” I say, looking around and taking in the screams coming from all directions. I’m not really much of a horror fan, and I’m a little nervous that I might cry in front of them all.

“Hey, this is Jessie,” Gabe says, directing me to Miss Purple-Hair. She’s managed to form a friendlier smile now, but I still notice the hesitation in her eyes as we shake hands.

“Hi, Jessie. I’m Charlie. It’s nice to meet you,” I say, using every last socialization skill I’ve learned from Trevor—firm shake, eye contact, follow-up question. Check. “So, how’d you and Gabe meet?”

She seems to like my directness, and I can feel her ice toward me melt, if only a little.

“I’ve known these dickheads since kindergarten,” she says, punching Cody in the arm—hard.

“Oww, bitch. What the hell?” Cody says, rubbing her target, and wincing while he shakes his arm out. I think he’s pissed at first, but then he pulls her in to his side for a tight squeeze.

“Yeah, we all grew up on the same block,” Cody says, winking at Jessie before letting her go. I start to feel jealousy creep in, but she’s back at Gabe’s side the second she leaves Cody, and it’s clear from the way she looks at Gabe that he’s her only interest.

We make our way to a makeshift ticket booth, and Gabe shells out $40. Cody tries to hand him a twenty, but Gabe punches him in the chest lightly and tells him to keep it. I love watching them interact—they truly love each other, like family.

The guys walk ahead as we enter a set of gates to the farm property, and I’m trailing behind with Jessie. I can feel her urge to question me, and I know she will. I can sense how protective she is over the two boys in front of us, so I’m less offended than I was at first, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to give her anything.

“So, I hear you’re dating Trevor?” she goes right in for the kill. I have to admire her for that; she has guts, and I wish I had a fraction of them.

I rub my hand on my cheek, almost as if she slapped me with her question. I nod yes before I speak, giving myself time to form a response, not that it helps.

“Yes, we’ve been dating a little more than a year,” I say, chewing on my tongue and forcing myself to stop.

She meets my eyes and squints a little. She pushes her lips together to form a tight line and then nods. “Right. Well, I’m glad you made friends with Cody. He’s a good guy,” she says, letting the last words linger slowly on her lips, to make sure I understand. And I do—probably more than I let on, or admit.

“Yes. He is,” I say, looking at him as he walks ahead of me now, his arm slung over his friend while he talks in his ear, telling him some dirty joke, or talking about the short skirt in front of them, I’m sure.

Jessie keeps her eyes on me, but she lets up her grilling for the time being. “Hey, douchebags. How about you spend some time with your dates?” she says, kicking at the back of Gabe’s shoes just enough to make him trip.