Bittersweet Symphony (Bittersweet #4)(7)
“I would never hurt you Kennedy and I refuse to let other people hurt you.” Ryder’s voice is just above a whisper, and I tremble beneath him. Terror runs through my mind. I can be as strong as I want, but it doesn’t make things go away. It doesn’t make the nightmares and pain go away.
“I know someone who’s damaged when I see her. You and I have more in common than you think, Blondie.” His body eases off of mine, but I continue to stay in the position he put me in as I try to calm myself down. A shudder runs through me. Memories assault my mind: the pain, the hate, and the anger. I feel the bile rising in my throat. Ryder did this.
“We’re far from different, Ryder. I’m dealing with my problems; you’re screwing through your problems. We’re as far from the same as it gets. Don’t come near me, don’t try to protect me, and don’t pretend like you care.” The look in his eyes chills me to the bone. It’s full of anger, and it’s unsettling. I march back to the table to take everyone’s order. By the time Ryder makes it back to the table, he’s a little calmer.
The girl, whose name I know is Chelsea, sinks her claws into him fast. Yeah, you can have him, bitch. He’s not even worth it. I bring them their drinks and food and go to all my other tables taking orders and serving nonstop. When Ryder and his friends leave, the only one to say goodbye is Mimi.
The night carries on as if nothing happened. But something did. I know it because instead of being my cheery self, I am depressed and angry. All I want to do is go home and be left alone to crawl under the covers and read a book.
“You can go home, K,” Joe says from the bar. How I survived tonight, I have no idea.
I take off my apron and put it behind the counter. Taking my tips out, I count them and then shove them into my pocket. One hundred and fifty dollars, not bad for five hours of work. Even as I make my way out to my car, I still can’t shake what Ryder did to me. He’s very observant of others, and that scares me. Most people don’t go around letting out all their secrets, and I’m not any different.
However, he stirs something in me that I’ve never felt. I crave the affection and friendship. I know he has secrets of his own. He’s beautifully broken, and if he plans on finding out all my secrets, I plan on discovering his secrets as well. Two can play this game.
Ryder
Thoughts of Kennedy assault my thoughts over the next week. I date and have sex with countless women. I have no connection to Blondie when it comes to that kind of thing, but here I am thinking about her. I don’t even have a legitimate reason to be thinking about her. What the f*ck is wrong with me?
Her blue eyes, her blonde hair, and her smell all seem real when I close my eyes. Dreams try to take root, but nothing can make the pain that my nightmares brought go away.
“Why the hell can’t you be more like your brother? At least he knows what he’s doing with his life!” my father screamed into my face as he grabbed my chin. I tried not to show how much it hurt... He released me, only to back hand me. I felt the blood dripping from my nose as I leaned over onto my side. Wrong choice, Ryder.
My father’s boot connected with my side as he kicked me repeatedly.. Each kick told me how much he hated me, how much he wished I was dead. Never had I wished I was dead more than in that moment.
His hand twisted in my hair and pulled me off the floor as he looked at me like the monster he was. I knew that when I got older, I never wanted to be anything like him.
“Your mother should’ve aborted you,” Dad said between clenched teeth as he threw my body back onto the floor. As soon as I was free, I pulled myself up onto my hands and knees. My blood was getting all over the carpet, and I knew another beating would be coming my way.
“You think I’m done with you? You’re a filthy piece of shit.” His booted feet stomped onto my hands as I fell to my stomach, the pain soared past anything I’d ever experienced. I couldn’t help wondering, why I was born, why Rex couldn’t had just been born, why I had to go through this…
I couldn’t stop what happened next from happening. My father’s boot connected with my jaw, but the pain was almost a welcoming feeling. My body radiated so much pain that it made the hurt melt away. It made it become numb; it made me numb.
I shoot awake, as sweat pours from me. It’s always the same nightmares. I calm myself down by telling myself he’s not here. I reassure myself he’ll never touch me again. I’ll kill him if he tried.
I gaze at the night stand. I only slept three hours. Fuck this. I climb out of bed, grab some sweats, and throw them on. I need to find a way to bury this shit, so a run is my solution.
I throw my phone in my pocket and head outside. Time to sweat it out. Just as I turn the corner to head down the street, I see Blondie sitting on a bench. What the hell is she doing out alone at this time of night? After everything I have been through and how f*cked up I am because of it, I want to protect her. I want to wrap her in a security blanket and put her out of everyone’s reach, including my own.
“Are you aware there are rapists out here? Criminals, people who will kill you without blinking?” Blondie lets out a loud shriek, and her tablet falls to the ground as she turns around. Just from the way she’s looking, I can tell her heart is beating out of her chest. Fear shows in her eyes, and I almost want to keep it there. Almost. I want her to tremble beneath me, beg me to take her instead.